# Make me a New Name **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2008, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661 "2008-07-08T05:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/61 "2008-07-10T19:32:00Z")
[QUOTE=ivan astikov] **Chuck Dio?** [/QUOTE] Not a rap fan I take it, Diomedes?? How about **Hagar The Half Decent**? **Corporal Punishment**? **Major Disaster**? Gah, I give up!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/62 "2008-07-10T19:54:07Z")
[QUOTE=ivan astikov] Not a rap fan I take it, Diomedes?? [/QUOTE] I have to admit, the Chuck Dio thing entirely threw me. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/63 "2008-07-10T21:12:34Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] I have to admit, the Chuck Dio thing entirely threw me. [/QUOTE] Are you in the process of reconsidering it’s merits, or has the rapper connection pushed it even further down your list? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/64 "2008-07-10T22:17:33Z")
Okay, so what are the current standings, and are there any dark horse entries. Actually my suggestion is now: **Dark Horse Entry** ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/65 "2008-07-11T05:43:46Z")
> [@ivan astikov](#): > > Are you in the process of reconsidering it’s merits, or has the rapper connection pushed it even further down your list? The fact that Dio is still an easy abbreviation of the name doesn’t help. Plus, my almost total ignorance of rap doesn’t help. [QUOTE=Attack from the 3rd dimension] Okay, so what are the current standings, and are there any dark horse entries. Actually my suggestion is now: **Dark Horse Entry** [/QUOTE] Not a big fan of Dark Horse Entry. Someone might expect me to know something about horses. Or James K Polk. Three votes Gastard One vote Deimos Two votes Boozahol Squid, P.I. Two votes Grimly Fiendish ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2008, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/66 "2008-07-11T13:15:26Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] The fact that Dio is still an easy abbreviation of the name doesn’t help. Plus, my almost total ignorance of rap doesn’t help. Not a big fan of Dark Horse Entry. Someone might expect me to know something about horses. Or James K Polk. Three votes Gastard One vote Deimos Two votes Boozahol Squid, P.I. Two votes Grimly Fiendish [/QUOTE] Grimly Fiendish - sounds like the name of Dudley Do-right’s villain, Snidely Whiplash… ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2008, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/67 "2008-07-11T14:04:27Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] Three votes Gastard One vote Deimos Two votes Boozahol Squid, P.I. Two votes Grimly Fiendish [/QUOTE] Well, if the votes are going to sway you, I’ll vote for **Boozahol Squid, P.I.** That name’s got rocks. ---
**Author:** ![Pollux\_Oil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/858c86/32.png) [@Pollux\_Oil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pollux_Oil)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/68 "2008-07-11T17:21:04Z")
I like Deimos, Gastard, and Divine Genitalia. If you put a gun to my head (please don’t) I think I’d go with Deimos because I love Greek mythology. But of course Gastard is cool too. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/69 "2008-07-12T01:34:04Z")
Deimos is taken, alas. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?u=8357](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php) ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/70 "2008-07-12T01:47:19Z")
Aw man! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/71 "2008-07-12T02:33:49Z")
Gooooooo Boozahol Squid, P.I.!!! ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/72 "2008-07-12T23:15:46Z")
So that’s three apiece for each of the following top contenders: **Gastard Grimly Fiendish Boozahol Squid, PI** Consultation with my girlfriend added a vote for “ **Why Should I Care What Your Imaginary Online Friends Call You?** ”, which isn’t on the list. So I’ll leave this up until tomorrow, see if I get any tiebreaker votes, and then flip a (three-sided) coin. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/73 "2008-07-12T23:46:47Z")
Grimly Fiendish then. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/74 "2008-07-13T00:34:20Z")
Dido Fido Beer Belly Fiddle Sticks Screaming Willies Mister Badger Unholy Trinity Ring A Ding Ding Platonic Greek Norm Outlier Bezler Geek - Bezler is idiot, so idiot geek ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/75 "2008-07-13T00:37:29Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] Platonic Greek [/QUOTE] I like that one… especially because Plato’s ideas on love were [anything but](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Symposium) platonic. Trying to remember what I did to make me an idiot geek, though… something I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/76 "2008-07-13T02:50:37Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] So that’s three apiece for each of the following top contenders: **Gastard Grimly Fiendish Boozahol Squid, PI** [/QUOTE] Am I sensing a degree of subconscious resistance to my proposed _nom de Dope_? I ask only because I count five votes so far for **Boozahol Squid, P.I.** I should hasten to clarify that the “P.I.” bit is entirely optional… It just seemed to me that, if there were a character named Boozahol Squid, and he did have his own TV show, it would most likely be a crime noir action drama. But it’s up to you, really. \*In my line of work, you get a sixth sense about being watched after awhile. In this case it wasn’t necessary; the mook staring at me from across the bar wasn’t bothering to be subtle about it. His face looked vaguely familiar; I know I’d seen it somewhere before. It was a face only a mother could love, at least if her maiden name happened to be “Keller.” It took a few seconds for my soused brain to process the fact that I was staring at my own reflection in the bar mirror. The bartender drifted into my field of vision. I gestured unsteadily for him to leave the bottle, returning his impassive gaze with bleared surliness: _Thank you, Mother_. The dim schizophrenic flicker of the fluorescent bulbs scraped against the raw onion skin of my retinas; I could feel a fresh headache unfolding behind my right eye like a pulsating tumor. Well, it wasn’t anything that a few more visits to Doctor Scotch Whisky wouldn’t cure. Usually I tried to keep the sauce under control while on a case; but this one had been so tough to crack, I felt a little extra lubricant was in order. I poured myself another round, mulling over my list of suspects one more time. **Gastard** – word on the street was that he was connected; a “made man” as the saying goes. I hoped I never had to get close enough to find out what he was made of. This was the guy people think of when they use the word “French” as an insult. Then there was **Grimly Fiendish**. I wasn’t sure how he fit into the picture, but I was pretty sure that whatever picture it was had been drawn by Charles Addams. If Vincent Price and Peter Lorre had a baby, this guy would be the daycare attendant accused of touching the kid inappropriately. None of the others seemed promising at the moment, but I wasn’t ruling out any names. Anyone could be the key to this mystery; from the mysterious underworld figure known only as **Godlike Cunning** , to the notorious queen bitch of the South Side transvestite mob, **Divine Genitalia**. One of the nice things about being a cephalopod is the extra limbs; among other less savory uses, they make it easier to keep your balance when you’re flying more sheets to the wind than Drake’s armada. As I staggered home from the bar that night, I realized with a dull ache of foreboding that the morning would only bring more questions. Somewhere out there in the silent city, the answers I needed were sleeping. From a shadowed alley, a sudden movement flashed in my peripheral vision. A muffled voice growled, “You shoulda kept outta it, shamus.” I caught a blurred glimpse of a looming figure, a hand descending in a practiced arc, and felt the familiar sharp blow of a sap to the back of my mantle; then I was spiraling downward, into darkness. \* ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/77 "2008-07-13T02:55:53Z")
I will always feel a certain amount of regret that I did not choose **Bigus Dickus** as my screen name. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/78 "2008-07-13T03:12:42Z")
[QUOTE=me] I ask only because I count five votes so far for **Boozahol Squid, P.I.** [/QUOTE] Opps… I guess that’s four votes actually… I think I counted one twice. Or maybe it’s not even four. Having failed to accurately count to five already, I suddenly feel unqualified to say. Math isn’t really my strong suit. Neither is concocting improvised pulp mystery pastiches, really. To be honest, coming up with names for things isn’t really my strong suit either, especially considering my own freakish username. Now that I think about it, I may not even have a strong suit. In fact I don’t even really play cards at all. I should probably go lie down now. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/79 "2008-07-13T05:25:30Z")
All right. With a post like that, how could I choose anything else? Terrifel, PM me, and we’ll set up transfer arrangements. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661/80 "2008-07-13T10:48:46Z")
Now that’s settled, maybe a female Doper could change her name to **Ibogaine Coca** and become your on-again, off-again lover who isn’t good for you but you just can’t quit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-me-a-new-name/455661.md?page=5)