# Make Polycarp Laugh **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918 "2003-04-20T21:05:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/41 "2003-04-22T01:44:37Z")
Ah… Bible humor… God likes Plymouths. He drove Adam and Eve out of The Garden in a Fury. What kind of car did Apostle Paul say Christians should buy? Honda Accord… “It is my desire that you all be one Accord…” What was the name of Paul’s horse? Isme… “Woe is me (whoa, Isme) if I blah blah blah…” The shortest man in the Bible was not Knee High Miah (Nehemiah), nor was it Bildad the Shoe Height (Shuhite), it was the man who slept on the watch. * * * A guy died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. Peter said, “You were petty good, but based on some _ahem_ problems you had, we cannot let you in here without one final test. You must answer these three questions…” The dead man agrees to the test. Peter: “What was the name of the first man?” The man answers, “Adam.” And the trumpets rang! And The sky filled with Brightness! And a Voice came out from behind the Brightness, “You’re right!” “Okay,” continues Peter, “Who was the first woman?” “Eve.” And the trumpets rang! And The sky filled with Brightness! And a Voice came out from behind the Brightness, “You’re right!” “Very good,” says Peter, “Now. What were the first words spoken by Eve to Adam?” The man thought about this one. And he thought about it. He thought about it some more. “Well?” asks Peter. “Good God! That’s a hard one!” uttered the dead man in frustration and worry. And the trumpets rang… ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/42 "2003-04-22T01:48:57Z")
Hey, **Polycarp**. :0) [giggle] Hope that got a giggle out of you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/43 "2003-04-22T16:12:52Z")
What do you call someone who calls on you at home to tell you about great hair products? Aloe vera’s witnesses ---
**Author:** ![Zenham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Zenham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenham)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/44 "2003-04-22T16:43:24Z")
I don’t get it, Bippy. I’m just uncool, I s’pose… but I was kinda distracted by CJ’s dance through the thread… woo woo woo! A man asked his rabbi, “Why is it that we are forbidden to eat pork?” The rabbi says, “We are? Uh oh.” I love Woody Allen sometimes. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/45 "2003-04-22T17:46:23Z")
Sorry it was a seriously pathetic pun on Jehovah’s witnesses, I hoped the pure badness of it might raise a smile. Having learnt Poly is not a Jehovah’s Witness fan. Bippy, doing the time walk in full Frankenfurter costume through this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/46 "2003-04-22T17:54:02Z")
I will simply share my initial impression that this thread was a request to make Polycarp **lunch**. (Also: Where does Napolean keep his armies? In his SLEEVIES!) ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/47 "2003-04-22T18:43:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cjhoworth \* > \*\*OK folks, I’ve got the Haz Mat suit on (last used when playing triple deck Hearts with Mensans) \*\* Forget Polycarp… I want to hear more about triple deck hearts!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Cobweb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Cobweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Cobweb)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/48 "2003-04-22T19:28:10Z")
Did you hear about the Mexican milkmaid who had to choose between her boyfriend and her career? That’s right. It was Juan or the udder. * * * What did the Russian cannibal say when he was served frog legs? “Tastes like Chechnyan.” * * * There’s a pet psychiatrist out in L.A. who’s a real magician. He pulls habits out of rats. * * * My neighbor once pissed off a group of tough Unitarians. They burned a question mark on his lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/49 "2003-04-22T22:02:26Z")
A: Knock knock! B: Who’s there? A: Frustrated guy. B: Frustrated guy who? A: ---
**Author:** ![Jojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecd19e/32.png) [@Jojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jojo)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/50 "2003-04-22T23:06:35Z")
What do the movies Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? Icy dead people. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/51 "2003-04-22T23:26:17Z")
1st guy: “Knock knock.” 2nd guy: “Who’s there?” 1st guy: “Distracted Cow.” 2nd guy: “Distracted Cow, who?” ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/52 "2003-04-22T23:33:32Z")
Can we make a Straight Dope, Tickle Me Polycarp toy. It could teach religion unless you tickle it enough to make it start laughing. With backing we could get it ready in time to sell for christmas. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/53 "2003-04-23T01:01:53Z")
Finally a fitting way to pay for a new SDMB server! ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/54 "2003-04-23T02:20:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > \*\*Can we make a Straight Dope, Tickle Me Polycarp toy. It could teach religion unless you tickle it enough to make it start laughing. With backing we could get it ready in time to sell for christmas. \*\* Got one – my seven-year-old adoptive grandson Jordan! But his parents would object to using him as a prototype for a toy – and mass-producing him could be hazardous to the nation’s welfare – for one thing, the U.S. cuteness quotient would skyrocket! 🙂 (Do I sound a bit prejudiced about him? ;)) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/55 "2003-04-23T03:40:37Z")
1st guy: “Oh, that’s me… MOO!” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/56 "2003-05-01T21:52:20Z")
Someone just sent this to me, and it seemed appropriate for this thread: Four young novices were about to take their vows. They dressed in white wedding gowns and veils, and entered the convent chapel with the Mother Superior to undergo the ceremony that would to marry them to Jesus and make them “Brides of Christ.” As they were about to walk down the aisle, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row. Mother Superior said to them, “I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but may I ask why you came?” One of the Jews replied, “We’re from the groom’s family.” ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/57 "2003-05-02T01:04:35Z")
Well, I can’t speak for Polycarp, but it made me laugh! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/58 "2003-05-02T01:45:10Z")
Me too! This has been a terrific thread! ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/59 "2003-05-02T07:52:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*1st guy: “Oh, that’s me… MOO!” \*\* Nice one… 🙂 As for my contribution… well, if Poly isn’t smiling after talking about his grandson, then he’s not the man I believe him to be, and nothing I can add will make any difference… 😉 Grim ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918/60 "2003-05-07T06:15:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jojo \* > \*\*What do the movies Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? > > Icy dead people. \*\* Jojo… that has got to be one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard!! My sides hurt from laughing. Thank you!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-polycarp-laugh/169918.md?page=4)