# Make up a slogan for my van **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2001, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158 "2001-08-26T03:57:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/1 "2001-08-26T03:57:52Z")
So I bought this government issue grey box - a Chevy Astro Van. It has nothing “Klassy” about it at all, but it’s very functional and at least it doesn’t scream “SOCCER MOM!!” And yes, I coach youth soccer, so I’m a little embarrassed about the implications. Anyway, It’s solid grey; even the bumpers. So I’m thinking it might be nice to have a bold black slogan on the side of the van. Something esoteric that makes people wonder. “Neurological Agronomy” Maybe just words like: “Strength, Power, Truth” so people wonder if you’re a religious cult or a militia or what. Esoteric. Any other ideas? ---
**Author:** ![gorewonfla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/da6949/32.png) [@gorewonfla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gorewonfla)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/2 "2001-08-26T04:02:10Z")
Just get a bumper sticker saying, “If this van’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’” I too experienced the pain of an Astrovan, I wish you had told me ahead of time and I’d tell you not to buy it. If Yugo made a van, it’d be an Astrovan. If you MUST hang onto it I’d cover the grill with a sign that says, “WATCH OUT: BRAKES SUCK, ESPECIALLY IN SNOW” Gorewonfla, Astorvan survivor. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/3 "2001-08-26T04:12:26Z")
Maybe something like “National Security Agency. You did not see this van”. Along the same lines: “Echelon Mobile Unit. We ARE Following/Watching/Listening to YOU, MISTER!” Or maybe “SETI Field vehicle- Caution: Anal probes in progress”[sub]okay, nto a good idea for a kid transporter[/sub] Here’s a thought: leave it blank. But always wear dark sunglasses and black clothing while driving. And black gloves. Make your kids do the same and get them those blinky-eye sunglasses. Tell them to stare at other commuters in unison. Might clear you some driving space, ya never know. b. ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/4 "2001-08-26T04:20:48Z")
Buy one of [these](http://www.jcwhitney.com/product.jhtml?CATID=4810&BQ=jcw2) lamps and leave it on the dash. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/5 "2001-08-26T04:28:12Z")
“Mobile SDMB Recruitment Unit” ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/6 "2001-08-26T06:32:39Z")
**You must pass overhead** ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/7 "2001-08-26T07:27:29Z")
-The Brave Do Not Fear The Grave- -UFO Car!- Or maybe for fun, you could name it “ZiG”, and have that name emblazoned on the side. “Move ZiG!” -Ashley ---
**Author:** ![Anal\_Scurvy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/8 "2001-08-26T10:30:21Z")
I’d like to see, “WHO DARES WINS” splashed across the side SMEGMA SMASHER C’EST LA VACHE - TO THE END Just pain a mural on it of bunnies frolicking in a porn store. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/9 "2001-08-26T14:15:57Z")
You could plaster the whole thing in advertisements like in NASCAR, heck it might even get you on the evening news, not that that’s the sort of thing proper people want. Or how about ooh ooh “Van … of destiny” there should be a cymbol crash after that but that might just be impossible. ---
**Author:** ![LaToyota\_Corolla\_Falana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9c0ed/32.png) [@LaToyota\_Corolla\_Falana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LaToyota_Corolla_Falana)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/10 "2001-08-27T02:48:57Z")
Letter the van in a offical manner to read: County Coroner Contaminated Meat & Airborne Pathogens Division Stay Back 500 Feet Park in front of restaurants for extra fun! ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/11 "2001-08-27T05:01:32Z")
well, for simplistic, there’s always Mom Mobile Funny and intimidating with a cultural reference: **F** lowers **B** y **I** rene and, how about this as a cool bumper sticker: “Running ignorance over since 1973” I haven’t seen it, but I’d buy one. ---
**Author:** ![Sasquatch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@Sasquatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sasquatch)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/12 "2001-08-27T05:05:57Z")
How about “In case of rapture, this vehicle will be manned by my kids, and they DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/13 "2001-08-27T05:08:01Z")
ORDINARY VAN ---
**Author:** ![nerv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85e7bf/32.png) [@nerv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nerv)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/14 "2001-08-27T14:25:01Z")
How about “This IS my other car!” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/15 "2001-08-27T14:43:57Z")
Whenever I see an astro, I think, “Rut-roh, Reorge!” But maybe that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/16 "2001-08-27T18:30:37Z")
Eskimo ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-a-slogan-for-my-van/78158/17 "2001-08-27T19:04:06Z")
If you’d like it repainted for you, how about “Pedophile Playpen”? Others might include: “ARP for the Ethical Treatment of Grey Box” or “Astro - 2001 NL Central Champs”.