# Make up some Monkey Haikus!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 10, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924 "2004-09-10T16:50:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/1 "2004-09-10T16:50:52Z")
My friend Gabi is compiling an anthology of haikus about monkeys. I call upon you, oh clever members of the Dope, to be on your best creative behavior! To get the ball rolling, here’s the one I did:
look at the monkeys
see bananas in the breeze
peel me one of those!
It’s not my greatest work but she was amused. 🙂 Ok guys, go ape!
---
### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/2 "2004-09-10T17:06:28Z")
Another monkey
Approaches around the tree
Time to throw my poop
Or
The organ grinder
Makes me dance for some pennies
I shall bite his legs
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### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/3 "2004-09-10T17:31:14Z")
Oh, look, I have some
feces. Fling, fling, fling, fling. You
want some, too?! Fling, fling.
---
### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/4 "2004-09-10T17:42:30Z")
Two more!
You wanted a pet
But now you have Ebola
Monkeys are filthy
And:
The monkey island
at the zoo is my new home
I’ll jerk off all day.
---
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/5 "2004-09-10T17:47:13Z")
Damnit…gotta be quick if you’re going to get the first post on poo-flinging in around here. Ah well…I already wrote it, so I might as well post it.
Look at those damn kids.
Zoogoers always gawking.
Time to fling some poo.
---
### Author:  [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/6 "2004-09-10T17:53:06Z")
I will get the soap
for the bath, so I will be
no damned dirty ape!
Bananas, termites,
What else can I give to her?
Jane Goodall, love me!
---
### Author:  [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/7 "2004-09-10T17:53:29Z")
Little brown Monkey
Swinging through the fake jungle
Captive freer than man
that last line is a little iffy.
Once lively monkey
Falls foul of hunter’s gun
Now lives in the sky.
Swinging through the trees
No monkey is king of wood
But he’s king of swing
Monkeys of the shrine
Live their lives where men lay theirs
Monkey is god here
Monkey is running
Away from the shopkeeper
Thieving bananas
Throughout the jungle
Monkey swings without a care
Makes is seem easy
Monkey takes great leap
Flight born from simple swinging
Elegant as dove
None of these haiku
Is particularly great
Might be back later
---
### Author:  [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/8 "2004-09-10T18:04:55Z")
A foolish human
Buys an ancient monkey’s paw
Go on, make a wish!
A large chimpanzee
Is shot by greedy poachers
Jane Goodall would cry.
A bored chimpanzee
Attacks a tire on rope
True tire biter.
---
### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/9 "2004-09-10T18:06:13Z")
Man, there must have been some hidden part of me that was just dying to write mildly offensive monkey haiku…because here I go again:
If my choice was just
Between a monkey and your mom
I would do the monkey first.
That damned sock monkey
My ultimate nemisis
You will never win!
---
### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/10 "2004-09-10T18:11:24Z")
Ook ook ook ook ook
ooh AAAH ooh AAAH AAAH
Ook ook ook ook ook.
---
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/11 "2004-09-10T18:18:47Z")
Ouch! That really hurts.
Someday I’ll get you for this,
Peter Gabriel
---
### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/12 "2004-09-10T18:20:25Z")
Wire mom so pointy
If only metal could hug
Sad little monkey
---
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/13 "2004-09-10T18:21:32Z")
It wasn’t the planes,
T’was beauty that killed the beast.
Monster-sized pothole.
---
### Author:  [@Thrashbarg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thrashbarg)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/14 "2004-09-10T18:27:12Z")
Infinite monkeys
Endless time with MS Word
Shakespeare or blue screen?
Monkey jerking off
As innocent child watches
“Mommy, what’s that thing?”
New King Kong, Jackson?
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why keep paying him??
Monkey poo soars high
arc intercepts zookeeper
I hate that monkey!
---
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/15 "2004-09-10T18:34:12Z")
Get me more ape chicks.
No?? Bitch, Binks is a big star!
Ain’t you seen _Outbreak_?
---
### Author:  [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/16 "2004-09-10T18:55:28Z")
Gah! My jerk owner
Dressing me like a baby!
Revenge will be mine.
He’ll show me off soon–
parade me around strangers.
I’ll claw his eyes out!
---
### Author:  [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/17 "2004-09-10T19:08:09Z")
In my empty cage
With naught but a new suitcase;
Damn you, Samsonite!
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### Author:  [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/18 "2004-09-10T19:13:21Z")
Or, if you want happy monkey haiku:
Bored in my damn cage
When here comes a new suitcase;
Thank you, Samsonite!
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### Author:  [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/19 "2004-09-10T19:13:47Z")
Ed realized one day
the monkey on his back was
indeed a real one
Bananas foster
is the delicacy of choice
for Good King Chimpy
Fling poo all day long?
Good man, you must be joking!
I smear it on walls.
---
### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [September 10, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/20 "2004-09-10T19:15:30Z")
In “Faces of Death”
And in “Temple of Doom” too
People ate our brains.
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