# Make up some Monkey Haikus! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924 "2004-09-10T16:50:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Time\_Like\_Tears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@Time\_Like\_Tears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Like_Tears)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/61 "2004-09-23T01:35:21Z")
Walking in the Zoo through the ape exhibit there we all point and laugh flying through the air a bit of poo from on high it hit my friend Mike He was disgusted he threw up over the fence we all point and laugh Mike had his revenge a glob of barf in his hand flung into the cage The Keeper was mad tossed us all out of the park with a two year ban the offending ape turned to his buddy and said “Folks should lighten up.” Yeah yeah, I know, not such a great ending, but we DID once get tossed out of Zoo Atlanta for throwing things at the monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![xenonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de0a6/32.png) [@xenonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenonymous)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/62 "2004-09-23T01:38:13Z")
Monkey stole my pants Once impish forest dweller Now monkey skin rug ---
**Author:** ![xenonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de0a6/32.png) [@xenonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenonymous)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/63 "2004-09-23T01:47:58Z")
…and for all of us who fell short of our own high expectations: Haiku for Monkey Need not be all that clever He can not read it ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/64 "2004-09-23T04:04:05Z")
We monkeyed around? No. We sang and cavorted. (Real musicians played.) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/65 "2004-09-23T05:27:12Z")
Swinging in the trees Eating bananas and grapes Dreaming of Fay Wray Play around for now Have to get caught up later Poo needs to get flung Know what you’re thinking It is just a banana Screw you Sigmund Freud We think they’re funny But it’s an even exchange They laugh at us too ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/66 "2004-09-23T10:13:48Z")
I see monkey butt God’s grandeur in everything Oh no, what is _that_? ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/67 "2004-09-23T13:15:14Z")
Monkey extends paw The Universe holds its breath This flea is tasty! ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/68 "2004-09-23T13:17:15Z")
Monkey, thy soul weeps If I could save you, I would Did you just fling \*poo? \* ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/69 "2004-09-23T15:03:31Z")
An old monkey dreams Far at sea the dolphin smiles Clean up your dung heap! ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/70 "2004-09-23T15:23:39Z")
The abyss beckons Little monkey smiles at me Where is the remote? (Help me! Help me) ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/71 "2004-09-23T16:52:53Z")
From Yahoo! News:[Man Shoots Wife, Mistakes Her for Monkey](http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&u=/nm/20040922/od_nm/people_malaysia_dc&printer=1) > [@](#): > > Man Shoots Wife, Mistakes Her for Monkey > Wed Sep 22, 8:44 AM ET > > KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian man shot and killed his wife after he mistook her for a monkey picking fruit in a tree behind their house, the New Straits Times said on Wednesday. > > The man, 70, is being held by police for causing death through recklessness after he fired a shotgun at what he thought was a monkey in a mangosteen tree on Monday, the newspaper said. > > His wife, 68, had used a ladder to climb into the tree and was picking the tropical fruit when she was shot. She was pronounced dead on arrival at a hospital, the paper said. The couple lived in central Malaysia and had raised 13 children. I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. Someone else will have the write the haiku on this one. I just can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/72 "2004-09-23T17:31:55Z")
Heck, not too much needs to be changed. The thing sorta writes itself. A Malaysian man went and shot and killed his wife thought she was an ape. The man, 70, is being held by cops for causing reckless death. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/73 "2004-09-23T17:33:40Z")
Tragedy explained If my late wife shaved her legs She’d still be alive ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/74 "2004-09-23T17:57:46Z")
Banana ice cream With chocolate and walnuts Oh, Chunky Monkey ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/75 "2004-09-23T18:54:26Z")
Out damn fruit monkey! Blam! Blam! Crack! Crack! Thud! Oh, no! Breakfast is ruined! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/76 "2004-09-24T00:33:53Z")
Bang the Cymbols Bang Heartless Organ Grinder Boss I fling poo at you! Tork Mick Jones Nesmith What Wacky Capers They Had. Walk Funny on Beach. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/77 "2004-09-24T05:20:42Z")
Why did we evolve? To waste time writing about what we evolved from? _(Again, I know we don’t stem from monkeys per se. So sue me agian.)_ Bonobos hump and hump and hump and hump and hump and hump and then eat. “Monkeys from the sea!” I exclaimed, reading Boys Life. Phooey. More like sea-fleas. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/78 "2004-09-24T12:43:25Z")
“We did not evolve. God created everything.” Fundy monkey speaks. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/79 "2004-09-24T12:53:57Z")
Poor CBCD Can’t stop monkeying around Have a banana ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924/80 "2004-09-24T13:00:04Z")
> [@](#): > > **Tiramisu** > > Poor CBCD > Can’t stop monkeying around > Have a banana I shall die of this Monkey haikus steal my life Little screeching souls [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-monkey-haikus/263924.md?page=5)