# Make up some stupid warnings!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 22, 2006, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383 "2006-11-22T02:44:23Z")
**Posts on this page:** 19
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/1 "2006-11-22T02:44:23Z")
I was filling up my car’s tank, and as I skimmed the pump’s list of warnings, I had a flash of insight as to the stupidest warning they might add:
**Do not use gasoline as a lubricant.**
Come up with some other stupid warnings.
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### Author:  [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/2 "2006-11-22T03:22:53Z")
\*\*Do not tap dance on this ladder, it may prove hazardous.
Warning: Use of this drill as a power toothbrush is not safe. It may cause serious harm and cause fires.
Bic Lighter: Lighting your own farts may cause discoloration of your buns. \*\*
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/3 "2006-11-22T03:30:10Z")
Space heater is not for cooking. Grease buildup may catch fire.
Cruise control should not be used as an autopilot.
Garbage disposal for household waste only. Do not attempt to mulch yard debris.
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### Author:  [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/4 "2006-11-22T03:40:37Z")
Sticker on hair dryer:
**DO NOT EAT.**
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### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/5 "2006-11-22T03:57:16Z")
Looks like a game to me, albeit possibly an enjoyable one.
Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS.
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### Author:  [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/6 "2006-11-22T03:57:25Z")
Caution! Do not poke eye with pen!
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### Author:  [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/7 "2006-11-22T04:06:55Z")
[sub] **WARNING** : Attempting to read this warning label may result in severe eyestrain, headaches, nausea, neuralgia or baldness.[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/8 "2006-11-22T04:12:25Z")
Caution: Use of this product will contribute Entropy and the Heat Death of the entire Universe.
Caution: Allow coffee to cool before applying to crotch.
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/9 "2006-11-22T04:14:26Z")
I wrote this “warning” a while back for reasons I can’t remember. I guess I was bored or something. Anyway, it fits the thread, so here ya go.
Please exercise caution when operating your Yard Hog. Do not insert any head, arm, leg, or other body part into the feed chute while the Yard Hog is in operation, as the shredding blades may cause injury or death. Your Yard Hog is not a sexual aid, and should not be operated within 20 feet of any place where sexual activity might occur. While the Yard Hog may be mistaken for a powerful vibrating pleasure toy, there is also the danger of flying debris causing damage to sensitive portions of the anatomy. You should never operate your Yard Hog while under the influence of alcohol, sedatives, hallucinogens, amphetamines, narcotics, or other drug or controlled substance, due to the risk of inadvertently performing one of the actions detailed above. The Yard Hog Corporation shall not be held responsible if any Yard Hog is used, intentionally or otherwise, to cause injury or death to any person, animal, property, or other legally defined object excepting approved yard waste materials, in any manner whether listed above or not.
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/10 "2006-11-22T04:31:24Z")
Warnings on a box of jell-o:
-Finished product is not an effective hammer.
-Caution: Not meant to be used as fuel or fuel-like product.
and since it is necessary on gasoline I might as well add it to jell-o:
-Do not use as lubricant.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/11 "2006-11-22T16:43:00Z")
Do not attempt to leap buildings with this vehicle.
For cutting wood products only. Do not attempt any form of retina surgery.
Extremely caustic. Liberal application to gonads is not recommended.
For best results, cook this pork product before eating it.
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### Author:  [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/12 "2006-11-22T19:10:11Z")
Hide the wife and grease the cats ass, It’s party time 😛
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### Author:  [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/13 "2006-11-23T00:41:12Z")
Do not use this key to clean your ears. Ear wax may cause the lock to jam.
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/14 "2006-11-23T00:55:18Z")
Beware Of Fish.
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### Author:  [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/15 "2006-11-23T09:04:53Z")
•Warning: Toy Superman will Not Actually Protect User from Crime and/or Disasters. (“See, mommy? Because of me, now they have a warning!”)
•HEALTH WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT STARE DIRECTLY AT SUN. (As written, in four languages, on a spaceborne billboard in geosynchronous orbit, covering 46 degrees of arc in the daytime sky.)
•“Do not use near exposed (human) brain tissue.”
•“Please do not consume or imbibe hat.”
•“This SIde Towards Enemy—Not Intended for Use as an Emergency Contraceptive Device.”
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### Author:  [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/16 "2006-11-23T09:16:07Z")
[QUOTE=Rhubarb]
[sub] **WARNING** : Attempting to read this warning label may result in severe eyestrain, headaches, nausea, neuralgia or baldness.[/sub]
[/QUOTE]
I’m bald! I’m bald!
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/17 "2006-11-23T09:22:02Z")
Use caution while operating this fork-lift. Not to be inserted rectally.
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/18 "2006-11-23T10:36:54Z")
On packet of nuts: ‘may contain nuts’ :rolleyes:
> [@What Exit?](#):
>
> Bic Lighter: Lighting your own farts may cause discoloration of your buns.
Why is this genuine warning in this thread? 😕
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### Author:  [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2006, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-up-some-stupid-warnings/381383/19 "2006-11-23T13:13:03Z")
[QUOTE=glee]
On packet of nuts: ‘may contain nuts’ :rolleyes:
Why is this genuine warning in this thread? 😕
[/QUOTE]
😃