# Make Your Dead Osama Bin Laden jokes right here ladies and gentleman, get 'em while they're hot! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 2, 2011, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455 "2011-05-02T05:58:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/1 "2011-05-02T05:58:26Z")
Hopefully the mods will relax the rules about hoping for or rejoicing in anybody’s death just this once. Not like it’s Carrot Top or Joyce Dewitt we come not to praise here, after all. # Share any Osama bin Laden’s Dead jokes you can think of- your own or others (though to be neighborly you should specify if it’s not your own). 1. Here’s hoping his 72 virgins have the clap and look like Della Reese, Betty White, and or Minnie Pearl. 2. Or- that they’re butch lesbians waiting for him with chains. 3. I refuse to believe a thing Obama says until I see Osama bin Laden’s long form death certificate with the official seal of Hawaii. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/2 "2011-05-02T06:03:02Z")
He was a FRIEND OF MINE! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/3 "2011-05-02T06:06:20Z")
I’ll always remember how sweet he was when he used to dress like Father Christmas and come visit us at the North Korean orphanage where my parents used to send me each summer. He used to say “Ho ho ho! And I’ll have 69 mo when my work here is done!” ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/4 "2011-05-02T10:48:36Z")
[http://www.yasrsly.com/wp-content/main/2011\_05/obama-sorry-it-took-so-long.jpg](http://www.yasrsly.com/wp-content/main/2011_05/obama-sorry-it-took-so-long.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![elsmeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@elsmeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elsmeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/5 "2011-05-02T10:58:09Z")
When the troops stormed the villa, Bin Laden’s bodyguards were shouting MAYDAY! MAYDAY!! Osama replied, “Yes, Happy Bank Holiday to you to…” \ ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/6 "2011-05-02T11:04:19Z")
The correct version of the Obama/Osama name puns everybody’s making right now is: Obama 'n Biden kill Osama bin Laden Just to settle that up front. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/7 "2011-05-02T11:27:51Z")
Wow. It is _amazing_ what you Americans can get done when the PS3 network goes down. I was very impressed with President Obama’s statement this evening. I was especially impressed with the fact that he managed to keep his calm when _“Mama said knock you out”_ was blasting inside his head at 150 db. Not everyone is taking the news well, however. Donald Trump is reserving judgement until he’s had a chance to examine Bin Laden’s long form entrails. Bin Laden’s first mistake was tangling with the United States. His second was installing the Facebook Places app. And his third was trying to escape by disguising himself as a British soldier sub[/sub] But it really is a great day. All over the world people are celebrating. BBC is reporting that thousands have gathered at Ground Zero to cheer the occasion. CNN is reporting that this marks a great victory in the war on terror. And FOX News is reporting that an African American has just confessed to murdering a homeless elderly man (h/t [Baffle](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13752532&postcount=19).) But seriously, folks. Any day that Jeff Dunham gets to collect a new puppet is a good day. Congratulations all round. ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/8 "2011-05-02T11:46:28Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![NiceGuyJack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/niceguyjack/32/3069_2.png) [@NiceGuyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NiceGuyJack)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/9 "2011-05-02T12:00:35Z")
Why did Bin Laden leave the cave? He was afraid it might get _Sealed_! _Sealed_, get it? Oh never mind. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/10 "2011-05-02T13:33:01Z")
The joke that was making the rounds after 9/11 seems to have come true: Osama Bin Laden seeks out a fortune teller, since he knows there is a price on his head. The fortune teller says, “You will die on a major US holiday.” Bin Laden says, “Which one?!” She replies, “Doesn’t matter. Whatever day you die, it’s gonna be a major US holiday.” ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/11 "2011-05-02T13:42:56Z")
This morning in Detroit they’re rioting in the streets and firing guns into the air. Then they heard about Bin Laden. ETA: Ok, so Bin Laden is not the butt of the joke, but I laughed when I heard this on the radio. ---
**Author:** ![shatty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@shatty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shatty)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/12 "2011-05-02T13:44:09Z")
Bin Laden’s men were shocked to hear the news of their leader’s death. Nobody ever takes a Bin out on a Bank Holiday. Breaking News 6 Irishmen have just drowned dancing on Bin Ladens grave Elton John is to write a tribute song following Bin Laden’s death. Sandals in the Bin. ---
**Author:** ![shatty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@shatty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shatty)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/13 "2011-05-02T13:48:13Z")
ohh almost missed this one! :o So whos coming Bin Ladens funeral? ive heard its going to be the bomb ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/14 "2011-05-02T13:57:09Z")
Invizzed for rudeness: I don’t know who should be more scared right now, Ayman Al Zawahiri, or Michelle Obama’s pussy. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/15 "2011-05-02T13:57:11Z")
Well, there’s one person I guess we’ll never get the chance to see on _Dancing With the Stars_. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/16 "2011-05-02T14:01:53Z")
> [@Cort](#): > > But it really is a great day. All over the world people are celebrating. BBC is reporting that thousands have gathered at Ground Zero to cheer the occasion. CNN is reporting that this marks a great victory in the war on terror. And FOX News is reporting that an African American has just confessed to murdering a homeless elderly man (h/t [Baffle](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13752532&postcount=19).) Love it. And I totally just stole it for my Facebook update. Thanks! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/17 "2011-05-02T14:04:26Z")
In fairness, full credit should go to Baffle for that one. But having said that I’ve also stolen it for _my_ update 🙂 Actually, that reminds me of another joke. If Osama Bin Laden is really dead, how come he’s managed to blow up my newsfeed? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/18 "2011-05-02T14:12:39Z")
> [@Cort](#): > > In fairness, full credit should go to Baffle for that one. Oh, I think you get some credit for fleshing it out nicely. But yes, thanks to **Baffle** , as well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/19 "2011-05-02T14:14:52Z")
What was bin Laden’s last call-in request to Casey Kasem? “SEALed With a Kiss.” ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455/20 "2011-05-02T14:16:33Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > The joke that was making the rounds after 9/11 seems to have come true: > > Osama Bin Laden seeks out a fortune teller, since he knows there is a price on his head. The fortune teller says, “You will die on a major US holiday.” Bin Laden says, “Which one?!” She replies, “Doesn’t matter. Whatever day you die, it’s gonna be a major US holiday.” That’s actually a variant of an old Yiddish joke about Hitler. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/make-your-dead-osama-bin-laden-jokes-right-here-ladies-and-gentleman-get-em-while-theyre-hot/580455.md?page=2)