# Male Centrism at the Dope **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 5, 2018, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437 "2018-06-05T00:04:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 37
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/721 "2018-06-08T14:28:27Z")
One step forward, and three steps back. The thread about women bragging about their genitals has been reopened. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/722 "2018-06-08T15:16:46Z")
I would have thought it at least earned a [NSFW] tag. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/723 "2018-06-08T15:31:27Z")
Nothing in the OP that wasn’t clearly indicated in the thread title. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/724 "2018-06-08T15:42:44Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > One step forward, and three steps back. > The thread about women bragging about their genitals has been reopened. Yup. It amazes me. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/725 "2018-06-08T15:44:31Z")
And… back to closed. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/726 "2018-06-08T15:47:19Z")
The Mod’s hope that if he asked men to act like grownups they might actually for once do it was quickly dashed. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/727 "2018-06-08T15:49:04Z")
I’d probably agree that SDMB might have a “bro” problem at times, but I don’t know what can be done about it other than simply having more women interested in becoming participating members. SMBD is basically middle age, white, and male. I welcome younger, non-white, and female posters, but I don’t think they’re signing up. In fact, message boards in general seem to be on the decline, replaced by reddit, apps, and other media. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/728 "2018-06-08T15:49:39Z")
“There’s really no such thing as, ‘the voiceless’. There is only the ‘deliberately silenced’ and the ‘preferably unheard’.’ Arundhati Roy ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/729 "2018-06-08T16:05:37Z")
> [@asahi](#): > > I’d probably agree that SDMB might have a “bro” problem at times, but I don’t know what can be done about it other than simply having more women interested in becoming participating members. SMBD is basically middle age, white, and male. I welcome younger, non-white, and female posters, but I don’t think they’re signing up. In fact, message boards in general seem to be on the decline, replaced by reddit, apps, and other media. Another suggestion that since there’s a problem with some men’s behavior, it’s up to the women to change theirs. How about the men do that instead? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/730 "2018-06-08T16:09:22Z")
Well gosh, other than nearly everyone, who could possibly have predicted that thread wouldn’t go well? Even if we weren’t having this conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/731 "2018-06-08T16:10:19Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > But if you tell me, “No you don’t, you only think you like ice cream,” > . . . “The solution to that problem is that you should eat my homemade kale-crunch ice cream,”. . . Honestly, I’ve just been skimming this thread after the first 4 or 5 pages, because heck, 15 pages in 3 days? Talk about a powder keg! And also, because the repetitive nah-ahing from some is just tedious. But I did want to again express my appreciation to **Sunny Daze** for starting this crazy conversation; not only for its importance to the board, but also for it’s personal in-life application. Between stumbling on this thread and yesterday, I got into a tiff with my daughter due a difference in perceptions and expectations over what I thought was a rather a trivial matter. I essentially told her it was silly to get so worked up over something so small when no ill will was intended. It wasn’t until this morning, when skimming through this thread and rolling my eyes at all the mansplainin’ going on that **LHoD** ’s post above caught my attention and made me reflect on what I’d done. I realized that I’d basically told my daughter how she should feel about something, without even giving much thought to her feelings. Now THAT was a shitty thing to do, and I said as much to my daughter when I apologized to her this evening. So, thank you again **Sunny Daze** , and to all posters who have endeavored to help the obstinate folk understand what the problem is. It’s all very well for folks like me to come in here and say “hear, hear”, but it really does behoove us to take the opportunity to reflect on how we treat and affect others directly or indirectly in the ways we display our attitudes. (Same goes also for those coming in here to say “well, maybe, but…”) ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/732 "2018-06-08T16:12:23Z")
> [@Not\_Carlson](#): > > Honestly, I’ve just been skimming this thread after the first 4 or 5 pages, because heck, 15 pages in 3 days? Talk about a powder keg! > And also, because the repetitive nah-ahing from some is just tedious. > > But I did want to again express my appreciation to **Sunny Daze** for starting this crazy conversation; not only for its importance to the board, but also for it’s personal in-life application. > > Between stumbling on this thread and yesterday, I got into a tiff with my daughter due a difference in perceptions and expectations over what I thought was a rather a trivial matter. > I essentially told her it was silly to get so worked up over something so small when no ill will was intended. > It wasn’t until this morning, when skimming through this thread and rolling my eyes at all the mansplainin’ going on that **LHoD** ’s post above caught my attention and made me reflect on what I’d done. > > I realized that I’d basically told my daughter how she should feel about something, without even giving much thought to her feelings. > Now THAT was a shitty thing to do, and I said as much to my daughter when I apologized to her this evening. > > So, thank you again **Sunny Daze** , and to all posters who have endeavored to help the obstinate folk understand what the problem is. > It’s all very well for folks like me to come in here and say “hear, hear”, but it really does behoove us to take the opportunity to reflect on how we treat and affect others directly or indirectly in the ways we display our attitudes. (Same goes also for those coming in here to say “well, maybe, but…”) That’s nice to hear. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/733 "2018-06-08T16:15:58Z")
And it’s nice to share. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_Elliot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jane_elliot/32/6166_2.png) [@Jane\_Elliot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_Elliot)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/734 "2018-06-08T16:26:08Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > Another suggestion that since there’s a problem with some men’s behavior, it’s up to the women to change theirs. How about the men do that instead? It’s troubling that one of the main things offered as a solution to objectifying threads was for women to have threads in which they objectified men. Doubling the objectification isn’t a solution to anything. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/735 "2018-06-08T16:38:36Z")
> [@Jane\_Elliot](#): > > It’s troubling that one of the main things offered as a solution to objectifying threads was for women to have threads in which they objectified men. Doubling the objectification isn’t a solution to anything. That is, unfortunately, an all too common response. Men tend to think in terms of retaliation–if you shove me I’m gonna punch you, that’ll show you! Women tend to NOT think that way because when we’re in an altercation with a man we’re all too aware that they’re generally more physically able and emotionally willing to hurt the shit out of us so that’s not where we go with things. Women are more likely to seek reconciliation and finding a way for everyone to be able to handle the situation even if it means everyone is not completely happy with the results. This is what we DO–it’s our most used skill set in raising children and dealing with other women. We’re aware that going for the crushing win usually just sets us up for an even worse altercation down the road so consensus and onboarding is just good sense and avoids further trouble. The problem is that to toxic masculinity, this looks like weakness and puts blood in the water–it makes them act worse and worse trying to goad us into a male-style retaliatory stance. Which we know is a lose/lose for us–either we take the bait and get creamed way worse than we ever wanted it to go or we back away from the encounter, then have to sit with our guts twisted up as the fucking asshole man crows and struts about how he “won.” Which is why we’re so good at fading out, ghosting and leaving the cockerels to rule their dungheaps unchallenged. Because it’s just not worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/736 "2018-06-08T16:40:56Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > That is, unfortunately, an all too common response. Men tend to think in terms of retaliation–if you shove me I’m gonna punch you, that’ll show you! Women tend to NOT think that way because when we’re in an altercation with a man we’re all too aware that they’re generally more physically able and emotionally willing to hurt the shit out of us so that’s not where we go with things. Women are more likely to seek reconciliation and finding a way for everyone to be able to handle the situation even if it means everyone is not completely happy with the results. This is what we DO–it’s our most used skill set in raising children and dealing with other women. We’re aware that going for the crushing win usually just sets us up for an even worse altercation down the road so consensus and onboarding is just good sense and avoids further trouble. > > The problem is that to toxic masculinity, this looks like weakness and puts blood in the water–it makes them act worse and worse trying to goad us into a male-style retaliatory stance. Which we know is a lose/lose for us–either we take the bait and get creamed way worse than we ever wanted it to go or we back away from the encounter, then have to sit with our guts twisted up as the fucking asshole man crows and struts about how he “won.” > > Which is why we’re so good at fading out, ghosting and leaving the cockerels to rule their dungheaps unchallenged. Because it’s just not worth it. Could you please repost this in one of the ATMB threads currently open on this topic? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/737 "2018-06-08T16:48:19Z")
Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/738 "2018-06-08T16:49:21Z")
You guys need the :thumbs: smilie! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/739 "2018-06-08T17:00:20Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > Another suggestion that since there’s a problem with some men’s behavior, it’s up to the women to change theirs. How about the men do that instead? I’m all for that 100%. But I also know that this is a message board, where people are often motivated to come here specifically so that they can express whatever they want, however they want, without dealing with the real-world repercussions. I’m not saying don’t ask for changes in attitude and behavior, only thinking out loud and expressing skepticism that it’s going to happen soon. But maybe, just maybe, with enough awareness, a few of us can begin to evolve a little. Sorry if anything I’ve posted seems to countenance the occasional excesses of the message board “bro” culture. FWIW, I disagree that posting this thread was a bad idea; I think it was a great idea by the OP. It gives posters something to think about. I look at it as an exercise in awareness raising. Of course 99% of what’s been posted on this thread is predictable and attitudes are unlikely to change – now. These things change slowly. Someone has to do the dirty work of being the contrarian or the gadfly. It probably comes to the surprise of no one, I actually kinda relate to that. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437/740 "2018-06-08T17:05:17Z")
> [@Jacquernagy](#): > > 1. I’m a dude > 2. I was testing my fluency in **Ace** -speak, I’ll have you know, not **Redneck** -speak. Though they are mutually intelligible to a degree, sort of like an Alpine dialect of Italian and a Sicilian one, they are still as farther away from the King’s English as either of those two would be. > > Why do they call it the King’s English anyway. > > America hasn’t had a king in a long time, and England currently has a Queen, not a king. > > Queen Elizabeth was hot when she was youngert! FTR, Maggie was even hotter. o > [@Chimera](#): > > [My all time favorite Queen Elizabeth story.](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/driving-king-anecdote-goes-viral) > [@Penfeather](#): > > [Liz used to fix trucks like a boss.](https://mashable.com/2015/04/22/queen-elizabeth-army/#bCcf7Lq9osqy) Is there nothing hotter than a woman who can wrench? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437.md?page=36) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-centrism-at-the-dope/815437.md?page=38)