# Male Dopers: How do YOU masturbate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 9, 2009, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031 "2009-02-09T08:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/1 "2009-02-09T08:29:16Z")
I’m a straight male. I masturbate by holding my penis right under the head with two fingers (the thumb and index finger) and then rubbing them together (sort of like the sign you do for money)…only instead having my penis between the two fingers instead of nothing but air. I’m 29, by the way, and I figured since the woman had one, the men should too…and let the women be the ones to sneak around and ask questions in this topic. 😉 Also, if you could, please state your sexual preference. I think it would be interesting to see if there are any major variations between what straight, gay, or bi men do. Consequently, if there’s anything else you do while masturbating, feel free to share. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/2 "2009-02-09T08:31:53Z")
Standing up in a hammock. Kidding! 😃 The whole hand wrapped around “The Bishop” with my catcher’s mitt-hand well covered with tissues. Preference: Female Q ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/3 "2009-02-09T08:32:32Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Consequently, if there’s anything else you do while masturbating, feel free to share. Honestly? I read “How do you masturbate?” threads on the SDMB. I’m kidding. I read Cecil’s articles. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/4 "2009-02-09T09:14:29Z")
Powder-free latex glove stuffed in a small tube sock. Once I put that on, I throw a ratty old t-shirt over the whole shebang for better grip and more efficient wipe-up (and to muffle the _schquikky schquiky shquikky_ noises). Also, I like-a da ladies. What do I do during? [I watch porn](http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6w0ptkae), genius. Whaddaya think I do? ---
**Author:** ![jakesteele](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@jakesteele](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jakesteele)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/5 "2009-02-09T09:28:21Z")
I do it by telekinesis when I’m thinking naughty thoughts. That way I don’t get any on my hands. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/6 "2009-02-09T10:01:17Z")
> [@jakesteele](#): > > I do it by telekinesis when I’m thinking naughty thoughts. That way I don’t get any on my hands. Sweet. I can only do that when I’m really high. Edit: While I still have a post open, I suppose I should clarify that I have plenty of lubricant inside the glove before I start. Otherwise it’d chafe my wang like the dickens. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/7 "2009-02-09T10:15:01Z")
Gay male, 29. Having discovered the magic of male masturbation toys I’m pretty much addicted to those. I have a fake latex bum hole that I fuck (most of the time I stay still and move it up and down, but sometimes I’ll hold it still and fuck it with my hips) and I also have a Fleshlight, which I have to say isn’t as awesome as I keep hearing, it requires a lot of lube. Both of these I use lube with, whilst watching porn. Oh, and I have a “palm pal” too but it’s pretty shit so have only used it a couple of times. Back in the days before sex toys I used the “catchers mitt” method, closed hand around the head, using plenty of lube. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/8 "2009-02-09T10:15:08Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > I’m a straight male. I masturbate by holding my penis right under the head with two fingers (the thumb and index finger) and then rubbing them together (sort of like the sign you do for money)…only instead having my penis between the two fingers instead of nothing but air. Wow, that seems like an odd technique. Not that there’s anything wrong with that :p, but I have never considered that method. Me, I grab the beast with both hands, kind of like you might pick up a puppy and then I … yeah yeah, in my dreams. 😃 But really, I grab it loosely in my right hand and work the whole shaft, paying particular attention to that area that in your post you say you rub. I don’t know why I felt the need to share that, but there you go. Hi Mum, Hi Dad, just in case you were reading this thread. :eek: straight male 39. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/9 "2009-02-09T10:54:32Z")
With my left hand on the mouse and my right hand on the chicken. Right handed and straight. ---
**Author:** ![Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bcef8e/32.png) [@Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petrobey_Mavromihalis)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/10 "2009-02-09T11:57:47Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > With my left hand on the mouse and my right hand on the chicken. > > Right handed and straight. Same for me, but my right hand’s on my penis. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/11 "2009-02-09T16:37:19Z")
I never liked using my hands; tried it a few times, it just didn’t do anything for me! I have always just rubbed against my mattress, instead. How unusual is that? ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/12 "2009-02-09T16:50:36Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > I never liked using my hands; tried it a few times, it just didn’t do anything for me! > > I have always just rubbed against my mattress, instead. > > How unusual is that? I’m at work so can’t link to it, but you can get a pillow that has a vagina-shaped orifice on it. Maybe something to think about? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/13 "2009-02-09T17:21:00Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > I never liked using my hands; tried it a few times, it just didn’t do anything for me! > > I have always just rubbed against my mattress, instead. > > How unusual is that? Hmmm. Very, unless you covered the sheet with something so it didn’t stain? I mean you didn’t come onto the bare mattress did you? Was this when you were like in your teens? If so, did you hide it from Mom & Dad? I like the idea of the pillow thing, and if you could insert a tube behind the vagina, you’d have instant sperm sample for donation purposes. Q ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/14 "2009-02-09T17:51:02Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > Hmmm. Very, unless you covered the sheet with something so it didn’t stain? I mean you didn’t come onto the bare mattress did you? > > Was this when you were like in your teens? > > If so, did you hide it from Mom & Dad? > > I like the idea of the pillow thing, and if you could insert a tube behind the vagina, you’d have instant sperm sample for donation purposes. > > Q It is the method that I have always used (I am 48). It would not be a bare mattress, it would be the bedsheets. I always have a washcloth to wipe the stain with afterwards, so that any staining upon the bedsheets is a bit noticeable to me, but fairly minimal. When I was a teen, my mom washed the bedclothes at least once a week, sometimes more. She had to have known (at times, she pretty much had to have heard me “going at it”), but she never made an issue out of it. The “vagina pillow” thing does not appeal to me, but I do appreciate the suggestion, and the humor behind the “donation purposes” remark. Ha! ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/15 "2009-02-09T17:58:12Z")
With gusto! ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/16 "2009-02-09T19:03:50Z")
Well **gytalf2000** doesn’t seem to be a taker but in case anyone else is interested - behold: the vagina pillow (NSFW so link has been purposefully broken) http: [//www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=2706](https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=2706) It’s actually quite annoying that most male masturbation toys are vagina shaped - us gay guys aren’t really into that. ---
**Author:** ![HolyFreakingMoly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@HolyFreakingMoly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HolyFreakingMoly)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/17 "2009-02-09T19:11:58Z")
Just gotta say that this thread is NOT doing for me what the female masturbation thread did for the straight guys. I’m disappointed! ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/18 "2009-02-09T19:20:18Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Well **gytalf2000** doesn’t seem to be a taker but in case anyone else is interested - behold: the vagina pillow (NSFW so link has been purposefully broken) http: [//www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=2706](https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=2706) > > It’s actually quite annoying that most male masturbation toys are vagina shaped - us gay guys aren’t really into that. We paraphiliacs (well, this one anyway) aren’t either! Ha! ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/19 "2009-02-09T19:36:05Z")
Straight male. Usually some porn and my right hand, loose grip with thumb and first two fingers about 2/3 way up the shaft, classic pumping motion at a moderate speed. As I mentioned in another thread, I try not to drag it out too long because I found that decreased my sensitivity to the real thing. Can’t have that! The, um, money shot goes onto a paper towel folded in half. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/20 "2009-02-09T19:38:31Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > I always have a washcloth to wipe the stain with afterwards, so that any staining upon the bedsheets is a bit noticeable to me, but fairly minimal. Good onya for taking the wet spot, dude! I bet your lady friends must love you for that! 😉 Q [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031.md?page=2)