# Male Dopers: How do YOU masturbate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 9, 2009, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031 "2009-02-09T08:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/21 "2009-02-09T19:38:41Z")
> [@HolyFreakingMoly](#): > > Just gotta say that this thread is NOT doing for me what the female masturbation thread did for the straight guys. > > I’m disappointed! It’s working for this gay guy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/22 "2009-02-09T19:52:36Z")
Right hand on the shaft and then a pumping motion to get me off. It usually only takes a few minutes. Sometimes porn vids, sometimes stories, sometimes just fantasies (those sessions usually take the longest for some reason). Straight, 29. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/23 "2009-02-09T19:57:53Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > With gusto! Now, that is a Lube name waiting to happen! Nice Thread title/user handle combo if I ever heard one. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/24 "2009-02-09T19:58:30Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > Good onya for taking the wet spot, dude! I bet your lady friends must love you for that! 😉 > > Q No lady friends – just me and my “sweet little imagination”! With the weird things that turn me on, it pretty much has to remain “fantasy only”, or I could get into some trouble. Ha! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/25 "2009-02-09T19:59:26Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > Right hand on the shaft and then a pumping motion to get me off. It usually only takes a few minutes. Sometimes porn vids, sometimes stories, sometimes just fantasies (those sessions usually take the longest for some reason). > > Straight, 29. Iiiii ttttenddddd ttto sssstttay awwwwayyyy frrrommm thhhhe pppppornos, essspeccisallllly thhhhhe onnnnnes withhhhh verrry hotttt annnnd busssssty chhhhhickkkkks. Iiiiii onnnnnnllllly lassssst abbbbouttt fivvvvve sssseccconnds witttthhhh thhhhhose annnnnnnd thatttttt ainnnnnn’t ggoooodddd ttttraaaaiiiinng forrrrrrr thhhhhe “rrrrreallllll thhhhhhinnnng”! Quaaaaaaasssssssiiiiii (_Whew_ Oh. God! );)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/26 "2009-02-09T20:14:01Z")
It’s difficult, since I, like many other male posters here, have the Giant Doper Penis of Doom ™. Usually, I call a friend of mine that owns a drive-thru car wash, and arrange to rent the place for about an hour. Gotta have privacy, ya know. Then, I have to hire three or four medical professionals to help me unwind my Giant Doper Penis of Doom, and carefully allign the tip of same with the entrance to the carwash. Finally, I have an assistant pump coins into the carwash. Usually takes at least two deluxe cycles to get me off. And don’t forget the hot wax! Oh…the hot wax…yes, yes. Hot wax is even better than all those rotating brushes with the soapy water… Sadly, I don’t get to do it all that often. The guy that owns the store across the street complains when his window gets covered with “mayonaise”… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/27 "2009-02-09T21:50:57Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > It’s difficult, since I, like many other male posters here, have the Giant Doper Penis of Doom ™. Me too, but fortunately I have big hands. Right hand, overhand. Left index finger on right nipple. But technically, it’s not masturbation, as I always invite a virgin. Actually, an EXTRA virgin. ---
**Author:** ![HolyFreakingMoly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@HolyFreakingMoly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HolyFreakingMoly)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/28 "2009-02-09T21:57:27Z")
That brings up a question for me too… Too shy to start a whole thread about it… How many straight guys (but hey, gay guys, feel free to chime in too) require nipple stimulation? My dude HAS to have it. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/29 "2009-02-09T21:59:42Z")
Usually with a porn video or story (book or online). Right hand on mouse or book, left holding the shaft, stroking up and down, usually doing my best to delay things as long as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/30 "2009-02-09T22:00:40Z")
Gay guy - nipple stimulation does almost nothing for me, and if done too vigorously is a massive turn off. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/31 "2009-02-09T22:02:29Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Gay guy - nipple stimulation does almost nothing for me, and if done too vigorously is a massive turn off. Ditto (except I’m straight). ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/32 "2009-02-09T22:02:38Z")
If I happen to be visiting up north, sometimes I can bribe some of the Transit Authority workers to lube up the Lincoln Tunnel for me. It’s a tight fit, but that can be a good thing… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/33 "2009-02-09T22:08:21Z")
> [@HolyFreakingMoly](#): > > My dude HAS to have it. Me too. HAVE to. A finger is good. A tongue is a million times better. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/34 "2009-02-09T22:11:40Z")
Hence the name **Oak** (minister **to** me)! I say, I say…that’s a **joke** son! … Foghorn Leghorn Your post reminds me of that Neil Diamond album cover for (I think) “Hot August Night”, where he made that motion with his two hands and arms like he had a huge “woodie” goin’? 😃 Q ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/35 "2009-02-09T22:27:59Z")
> [@HolyFreakingMoly](#): > > How many straight guys (but hey, gay guys, feel free to chime in too) require nipple stimulation? Very light stimulation can be ok.. not that I need it every time. Anything more than very very light stimulation for a little bit while we’re into it and it gets distracting and sometimes painful. 23, M, Straight ---
**Author:** ![HolyFreakingMoly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@HolyFreakingMoly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HolyFreakingMoly)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/36 "2009-02-09T22:47:04Z")
He likes it pretty rough… sucking, pinching, pulling. I can live without it myself. I’m large breasted and my nipples aren’t particularly sensitive but he’s crazy for it. If I want to get laid all I have to do is start playing with his chest. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/37 "2009-02-09T23:04:15Z")
Well, first I gotta lube up the undersides of both arms, then reach around the lil’ guy as if I’m giving him a hug, lock my hands together, and just go to town. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/38 "2009-02-09T23:14:23Z")
> [@HolyFreakingMoly](#): > > That brings up a question for me too… Too shy to start a whole thread about it… How many straight guys (but hey, gay guys, feel free to chime in too) require nipple stimulation? My dude HAS to have it. I don’t require it and actually rarely use it when masturbating, but I love it when I’m with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/39 "2009-02-09T23:14:59Z")
Grip in one hand, lengthwise motion, like (I suspect) most guys. I try to maximize the lead-up time: Yeah, the climax is better, but when it’s over, it’s over. This means using my weaker left hand (which also leaves my right hand for the mouse), and also stopping and waiting when I start getting close. When it comes time for emission, I either pinch my foreskin closed at the end to make a small reservoir, which I later empty into the toilet, or go stand over the bathtub to finish up. I’m usually watching porn at the time. And my preferences are strictly hetero, since you asked. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031/40 "2009-02-09T23:18:27Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I don’t require it and actually rarely use it when masturbating, but I love it when I’m with someone else. _Takes notes_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-dopers-how-do-you-masturbate/485031.md?page=3)