# Male Powers you wish you had **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 30, 2002, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571 "2002-05-30T17:20:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nenya_Elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/21 "2002-06-01T06:38:25Z")
Oh…and the peeing-while-standing up thing would be nice, too. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/22 "2002-06-01T07:04:09Z")
Oh, there are soooooo many male powers I wish I had. 1. Selective Blindness: dust and dishes are not picked up as normal visual cues by males. 2. The ability to wear clothes that have not seen a washing machine in weeks. 3. The ability to sleep in a bed that hasn’t had a change of linen since Moses played centre-half forward for the Jerusalem U/18’s. 4. The talent to switch one’s conscience on and off at will. 5. To believe that cheese on toast every day for a month constitutes a balanced diet. 6. I wish I had the power to just KNOW I was always right. Oh, and of course I want the ability to take a pee without having to drop my dacks…especially when it’s icy-cold! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/23 "2002-06-01T07:20:27Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE, I’m shocked and amazed. Of all Dopers, I’d figure you to be one who could fart on command. > > I’d expect that you’d be practicing this skill by now. Oh, I practice (heck, I’m struggling to get a little pocket of gas to squeeze out as I type), but I’ve got wishy-washy bowels… some days they’re farting almost constantly, others they give nary a peep. ---
**Author:** ![Qwertyasdfg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ecc23a/32.png) [@Qwertyasdfg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwertyasdfg)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/24 "2002-06-01T17:17:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AlbertRose \* > \*\* > Into a urinal? A toilet? > > Who needs 'em! > > Try being able to pee _anywhere_. > \*\* Yep. You haven’t lived until you’ve pissed into a black hole. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/25 "2002-06-01T17:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Selective Blindness: dust and dishes are not picked up as normal visual cues by males. > > 2. The ability to wear clothes that have not seen a washing machine in weeks. > > 3. The ability to sleep in a bed that hasn’t had a change of linen since Moses played centre-half forward for the Jerusalem U/18’s. Heh. I must be a guy. “Make the bed? Just sweep it out!” Corr ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/26 "2002-06-01T20:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*Oh, there are soooooo many male powers I wish I had. > > 1. Selective Blindness: dust and dishes are not picked up as normal visual cues by males. > > 2. The ability to wear clothes that have not seen a washing machine in weeks. > > 3. The ability to sleep in a bed that hasn’t had a change of linen since Moses played centre-half forward for the Jerusalem U/18’s. > > 4. The talent to switch one’s conscience on and off at will. > > 5. To believe that cheese on toast every day for a month constitutes a balanced diet. > > 6. I wish I had the power to just KNOW I was always right. > > Oh, and of course I want the ability to take a pee without having to drop my dacks…especially when it’s icy-cold! \*\* With the exceptions of #4 and #6 and the peeing standing up thing, I’m better at Mr. Athena at all of these things. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/27 "2002-06-01T20:13:26Z")
Oh, and #4 is something NEITHER of us is good at. Cheese on toast doesn’t consitute a balanced diet? How about bagels and cream cheese? Grilled cheese sandwiches? ---
**Author:** ![cleops](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@cleops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleops)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/28 "2002-06-01T21:20:10Z")
Nice post, **kambuckta** –and you have described me to t. I am so ashamed! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/29 "2002-06-01T22:05:12Z")
The power to pick up bugs and flush them away to noman’sland- wherever- without having to steel yourself then run away screaming, or grab a pound worth of toilet paper first. I really really wish I had that one. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_The\_Bold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dale\_The\_Bold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_The_Bold)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/30 "2002-06-02T05:50:31Z")
The secret to farting on command is to constantly have one on deck. Don’t fart whenever they come, you let them build. Then, each fart is actually about 13 farts compacted into one. And there’s usually another dose “in the box.” I think your bowels learn to adjust for this. Just like morning piss, I usually have morning fart when I first wake up, and I’m single, so she comes out LOUD! Even as nice as this ability is, it’s hard to master the control of when it’s loud and when it’s silent, but violent. It takes patience and practice, young Jedi. Know the weakness of those you fart upon, and fart on command, you will. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/31 "2002-06-02T06:28:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\*The power to pick up bugs and flush them away to noman’sland- wherever- without having to steel yourself then run away screaming, or grab a pound worth of toilet paper first. I really really wish I had that one. \*\* The first job I got after graduating from college was auditing sales reports at the local Coca-Cola bottling plant. I was the only male in the department, and for some reason the office seemed to attract spiders. Every week or two, there would be a sudden squeal and I would turn around to see one of the women standing up, pointing at the floor with one hand and holding her box of tissues toward me with the other. I would take a tissue, capture the offending arachnid and dispose of it. Oh, yes, I was quite the young stud back then.😃 ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/32 "2002-06-02T15:39:16Z")
Another power I wish I had was the power to understand woman’s logic. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/33 "2002-06-02T20:18:50Z")
LOL, **Lurkmeister** , perhaps you had an ass that just didn’t quit and the ladies liked to see you flaunt it? 🙂 (That, and spiders are really really icky!) ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/34 "2002-06-02T20:39:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dale The Bold \* > \*\*Just like morning piss, I usually have morning fart when I first wake up, and I’m single, so she comes out LOUD! \*\* We now return you to “Correlation/Causation Theater”. 😃 jayjay ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/35 "2002-06-02T20:59:09Z")
I can handle the farting on command thing. It’s the farting when not commanded that’s a problem. And as a man, I feel very shameful in the fact that I can’t belch. I can at random occassions when it’s not necessary (i.e. there’s no one around to enjoy it), and everytime I try to belch on command, it always brings something up. It’s just not right. ---
**Author:** ![Com2Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Com2Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Com2Kid)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/36 "2002-06-02T21:09:18Z")
I can’t do the fart on command thing. On the other hand, I **CAN** hold my bladder for almost a full day (sometimes longer. ^\_^) and look down on the mere mortals who actualy have to urinate more then once a day. 😛 I also have a SLLOOOOOWWW digestive track, so, err, heh. I only have to sit down on the throne every other day. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/37 "2002-06-02T22:13:02Z")
Why, just WHY, are the bodily function threads so damn _funny_??? [sub]Ruby, still giggling like a school girl![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/38 "2002-06-03T14:58:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dale The Bold \* > \*\*The secret to farting on command is to constantly have one on deck. Don’t fart whenever they come, you let them build. Then, each fart is actually about 13 farts compacted into one. And there’s usually another dose “in the box.” I think your bowels learn to adjust for this. Just like morning piss, I usually have morning fart when I first wake up, and I’m single, so she comes out LOUD! Even as nice as this ability is, it’s hard to master the control of when it’s loud and when it’s silent, but violent. > > It takes patience and practice, young Jedi. Know the weakness of those you fart upon, and fart on command, you will. \*\* Thanks for the advice! Here I was trying to sit in such a way so that they Don’t make noise, when I shouldn’t be letting them out at all! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571/39 "2002-06-03T15:13:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\*LOL, **Lurkmeister** , perhaps you had an ass that just didn’t quit and the ladies liked to see you flaunt it? 🙂 (That, and spiders are really really icky!) \*\* It certainly didn’t quit; it just goes on and on and on … 😉 > [@](#): > > \*originally posted by handy \* > Another power I wish I had was the power to understand woman’s logic. What is this strange thing of which you speak? ::ducks and runs like hell:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-powers-you-wish-you-had/111571.md?page=1)