# Male Sexual Rite of Passage **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240 "2005-10-07T20:45:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/61 "2005-10-10T22:35:59Z")
> [@Bangiadore](#): > > I’m gay, no bones about it, but I’ve strayed into pussy territory more than a few times, and have for the most part _loved_ my experiences there; they weren’t anything for me to _marry_, but my experiences with sex with women have been almost entirely positive (but for the occasional wistfulness about how much “easier” things would be if I were heterosexual). I’ve always been honest with the women involved about the fact that I’m unalterably attracted to men first and foremost, though I didn’t feel that was a reason why we couldn’t enjoy each other, that being understood. I treasure these relationships, but _I’m still a gay man_. Not bisexual, but definitely much more strongly attracted to men than to women. It’s not my place to tell you who or what you are, but if you at least enjoy sex with women, doesn’t that make you bisexual by definition? Then again… My late uncle, who passed away in 2001, was -as they say- gay as Christmas. Tried girlfriends in the 50’s, wasn’t his thing, discovered he was gay. Tough enough in that day and age, but he managed. Fast foward, the early 80’s, Studio 54. He meets up with a group of people, one of them being Bianca Jagger. He ends up in her hotel room, and has sex with her. He tells me this story somewhere in the early 90’s or so, and I’m like “What? But you’re GAY!” His response? “Dude, it was _Bianca Jagger_. You don’t pass up an opportunity like that.” Sexuality is a difficult thing, I guess. Not for me, I’m one of those 100% hetero types. Nothing against gays at all, but I just couldn’t imagine sex with a guy. The practices mentioned in the OP are alien to me. And I do have a sneaking suspicion some people are leading us on a bit. Come on, school endorsed dick measuring? WTF? And mssmith, yeesh, just come out of that closet already. You protest a little too much, dude. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/62 "2005-10-11T00:42:24Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > And mssmith, yeesh, just come out of that closet already. You protest a little too much, dude. Don’t be an asshole. :rolleyes: Gay or straight, do you think publicly exposing yourself or masterbating in your brothers car is appropriate behavior? Call me old fashioned, but I believe if a bunch of hetero dudes want to share a rite of sexual bonding, the go to a strip club or a whore house. > [@Coldfire](#): > > And I do have a sneaking suspicion some people are leading us on a bit. Come on, school endorsed dick measuring? WTF? Kind of like your uncle’s bullshit Bianca Jagger story? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/63 "2005-10-11T01:00:44Z")
[QUOTE=Coldfire] And I do have a sneaking suspicion some people are leading us on a bit. Come on, school endorsed dick measuring? WTF?QUOTE] I am assuming you are referring to me and I assure you I am not misrepresenting anything. I probably wouldn’t believe it that easily either. I explained that it my high school was very strange to begin with and things just got pushed over the edge after it burned down. It started well before that though. We had a 14 year old in out 5th grade class and he used to love to show off the fact that he had hit puberty by jerking off to a very young and curious audience. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/64 "2005-10-11T01:03:46Z")
And Coldfire - if being attracted to women and not wanting to masterbate with my buddies makes me secretly gay, I am perfectly comfortible being exactly that gay. ---
**Author:** ![John\_F](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@John\_F](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_F)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/65 "2005-10-11T01:12:03Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > And I do have a sneaking suspicion some people are leading us on a bit. Come on, school endorsed dick measuring? WTF? Pee Wee, Meat and the gang never even did deer sex and cheerleader pube contests did they? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/66 "2005-10-11T09:03:57Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > That’s awful! But maybe he needed the doe. That was beautiful. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/67 "2005-10-11T09:36:41Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Don’t be an asshole. :rolleyes: Gay or straight, do you think publicly exposing yourself or masterbating in your brothers car is appropriate behavior? Call me old fashioned, but I believe if a bunch of hetero dudes want to share a rite of sexual bonding, the go to a strip club or a whore house. I don’t think I ever claimed it _was_ appropriate behaviour. But you seem awfully… millitant in your responses. I dunno, maybe this is how you always communicate. My reaction was “Seriously, what’s this guy compensating for?”. If that makes me an asshole, so be it, I suppose. > [@](#): > > Kind of like your uncle’s bullshit Bianca Jagger story? :shrugs: It really doesn’t matter to me whether you believe that story or not. _I_ know it’s true. And yes, I have serious questions about the validity of some of the other stories in this thread. That’s all. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/68 "2005-10-11T12:04:43Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > We had a 14 year old in out 5th grade class and he used to love to show off the fact that he had hit puberty by jerking off to a very young and curious audience. I don’t disbelieve you, but I have to worry about a school system that would have a 14 year old kid in a class full of 10 and 11 year olds. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Jibby\_Jabbish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Mr.Jibby\_Jabbish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Jibby_Jabbish)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/69 "2005-10-11T12:20:20Z")
Mr. Jibby Jabbish has no desire whatever to witness his very good male friends pulling at their pud like some boys in an English public school! None whatever! The idea! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/70 "2005-10-11T14:58:57Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > But you seem awfully… millitant in your responses. I dunno, maybe this is how you always communicate. My reaction was “Seriously, what’s this guy compensating for?”. If that makes me an asshole, so be it, I suppose. :shrugs: Maybe I missed something, but I’m pretty sure questioning a guys sexuality is still a punchable offense 'round these parts (not that there’s anything wrong with a guys choice of sexuality…not that it’s an actual “choice”…) In any event, if I sound “militant” it’s only because I find some of the behavior described here a bit shocking and disturbing. At the very least (refering to Zebra’s therapist or Bangiadore’s post) it sounds like ultra-liberal “there should be no sexual taboos or boundaries” to at worst descriptions of behavior that quite possibly would get someone a one way ticket to the Sex Offenders Registry or is indicitive of even more serious issues. ---
**Author:** ![Bangiadore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@Bangiadore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bangiadore)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/71 "2005-10-11T23:36:21Z")
**Coldfire** , thank you for asking. I don’t think that there is anything done “by definition” when it comes to sexuality. **msmith2001** also submits that jacking off with yer pals is “by definition” “gay”. The much-cherished “boundaries” are, after all, more flexible now than before Alice Cooper or Britney Spears. The boundaries, as far as my experience goes, are more arbitrary than previous generations might have assumed. (Hey, I’m an unreconstructed kid from the ‘60’s – just sayin’, for context. But I can’t _honestly_ arbitrarily call myself “bisexual” – if only because, if I never saw a pussy again, I wouldn’t _die_; I’m drawn toward tha dick. Some pussy along the long, long road is a wonderful event, as long as everyone is left panting and happy…[heh] I just don’t see the value implicit in maintaining _strict **cultural** _ definitions, but if I have to define my sexuality, I will always say I’m gay. 'Cuz at my most, um, _primal_, I’m _all about_ the dick. And that’s why I got interested in this thread – as is common, the idea of two guys sharing what can’t be called anything other than a pleasure, a fucking _orgasm_, for Pete’s sake, is suddenly equated to having to swim in a pit full of fish guts on that TV show whose name I seem to have _finally_ forgotten. It’s an orgasm. It lasts thirty seconds. It feels good. How does this get twisted up into a negative thing, that’s what I’d like to know. **msmith** : Thanks for your contributions. (I can only tell you that, if any of the limited number times I managed to get into 54 (as the guest of the second-stringer of a second-stringer 🙂 ) if Bianca Jagger had invited me to _play russian roulette_ in her hotel room, I’d have been there like a rabbit in the springtime. I’ve changed, though. But anyway – why are these “boundaries” important, and what functions do they serve that benefits the conditions we’re living in these days? The stuff this thread talks about seems pretty harmless to me, as long as nobody’s coerced. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/72 "2005-10-12T00:06:51Z")
Count me in as another “hell, no”. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/73 "2005-10-12T00:39:40Z")
> [@Bangiadore](#): > > And that’s why I got interested in this thread – as is common, the idea of two guys sharing what can’t be called anything other than a pleasure, a fucking _orgasm_, for Pete’s sake, is suddenly equated to having to swim in a pit full of fish guts on that TV show whose name I seem to have _finally_ forgotten. > > It’s an orgasm. It lasts thirty seconds. It feels good. How does this get twisted up into a negative thing, that’s what I’d like to know. Private != negative. I have read that men’s brains are designed to compartmentalize very efficiently, focusing all of the man’s attention on a given problem and ignoring irrelevancies (like, um, the wife when the football game is on :D). If a man — hell, even a _woman_ were to approach me at work and ask if I wanted to go off with her and watch each other masturbate I’d be so fixed in my ‘get things done’ compartment of my brain that it simply wouldn’t register as a sexual moment. My response would likely be logical, suspicious, and a little disgusted. “What for? At work? What if we get caught? Isn’t this kinda weird?” I would _not_ instantly leap into Hot Damn It’s Sex Time mode where I whip it out onto the desk. Besides which, _sleep_ is also something we enjoy. It’s natural and pleasureable and necessary. I don’t invite a bunch of male friends over and say, “Hey, let’s just sleep!” I don’t invite people over to read books with them. That’s a private thing. If I do invite people over to eat it’s because _I also talk with them._ Since men compartmentalize so well, sex + talking is not something many men do well together. For me, at least, it’s not a moment I feel I need to share with anybody. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/74 "2005-10-12T01:17:38Z")
> [@Bangiadore](#): > > **msmith2001** also submits that jacking off with yer pals is “by definition” “gay”. Well it kinda is. There’s nothing wrong with being gay if that’s your thing, but I think it would be kind of awkward. > [@Bangiadore](#): > > The much-cherished “boundaries” are, after all, more flexible now than before Alice Cooper or Britney Spears. The boundaries, as far as my experience goes, are more arbitrary than previous generations might have assumed. … > … – why are these “boundaries” important, and what functions do they serve that benefits the conditions we’re living in these days? > > The stuff this thread talks about seems pretty harmless to me, as long as nobody’s coerced. I’m talking more about individual boundaries that societal ones. Some people are not comfortible with certain things and thats fine. I certainly don’t see anything wrong with Zebra being uncomfortible with his brother masterbating in his car. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/75 "2005-10-12T01:32:14Z")
No. If I’m gonna show you my wang in that way, you’d better be having sex with me…and female. The cyclopeaon worm is not for public exhibition or feeding. ---
**Author:** ![John\_F](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@John\_F](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_F)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/76 "2005-10-12T01:36:22Z")
> [@Bangiadore](#): > > It’s an orgasm. It lasts thirty seconds. It feels good. How does this get twisted up into a negative thing, that’s what I’d like to know. I don’t think most people are calling it negative…just gay. ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/77 "2005-10-12T01:38:16Z")
Absolutely not. That would have been _gay_ and the person suggesting it would be ostracized. I have had two former girlfriends who admitted that as adolescents, they masturbated with a friend :eek:. _(That’s so hot!)_ ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/78 "2005-10-12T01:57:36Z")
I’d be too distracted by the male groaning to keep going. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@The\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hook)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/79 "2005-10-12T02:49:05Z")
> [@The Composer](#): > > Guys, if a very good male friend of yours approached you and mentioned masturbating together, would you take him up on the offer? Why or why not? No. > [@](#): > > What if it were a group of friends- I guess something like a “compare yours to mine” session? No. > [@](#): > > Would you (or have you been) be the initiator? No. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/80 "2005-10-12T03:31:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Maybe I missed something, but I’m pretty sure questioning a guys sexuality is still a punchable offense 'round these parts (not that there’s anything wrong with a guys choice of sexuality…not that it’s an actual “choice”…) > > In any event, if I sound “militant” it’s only because I find some of the behavior described here a bit shocking and disturbing. At the very least (refering to Zebra’s therapist or Bangiadore’s post) it sounds like ultra-liberal “there should be no sexual taboos or boundaries” to at worst descriptions of behavior that quite possibly would get someone a one way ticket to the Sex Offenders Registry or is indicitive of even more serious issues. [Moderator Underoos on]I suggest that everyone back off a few steps here. “Punchable offense” indeed :rolleyes:. [/Moderator Underoos on] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240.md?page=5)