# Male Sexual Rite of Passage **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240 "2005-10-07T20:45:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/81 "2005-10-12T03:40:50Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Maybe I missed something, but I’m pretty sure questioning a guys sexuality is still a punchable offense 'round these parts Well there’s one communication problem right there: what’s “these parts”? Your parts, Coldfire’s parts and my parts are all most likely in very different parts (you haven’t posted your location). And while I can’t speak for Coldie, I can say that questioning a guy’s sexuality around **these** parts is not likely to get you punched. Different parts, different attitudes. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/82 "2005-10-12T04:44:29Z")
The closest thing I can think of happened in my pre-teen years when a neighbor wanted to play a game he made up that involved exposing ourselves. As I recall it was met with a resounding NOT from the other boys. The instigator eventually came out of the closet. Can’t ever remember the desire to compare anything to anyone, least of all an erection. Body fluids weren’t even up for discussion. Oddly, the cultural assumption that all men masturbate has lead many women to admit their toy preferences to me, with no previous mention of the subject. Still not sure how to respond to that kind of information. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/83 "2005-10-12T10:10:01Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > “Mushroom” is probably _not_ a euphemism you want to cultivate … unless you just support truth in advertising. 😉 I know the discussion has moved on quite a bit from this particular aside. But I just have to point out the the mushroom metaphor is not a bad one [http://y.20q.net/anon?qXd3Z0kd3Bm970ZaLRNlVjVRTg6RGBkd6dCHOjapwd](http://y.20q.net/anon?qXd3Z0kd3Bm970ZaLRNlVjVRTg6RGBkd6dCHOjapwd) They tend to reach sizes most men would be happy to claim. (And they do pop up overnight.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Composer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@The\_Composer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Composer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/84 "2005-10-12T13:53:05Z")
Wow! I honestly didn’t expect such _heated_ discussion from this OP. Sorry I’m coming back into this so late, but I’ve been out of town at a family reunion with limited access to the net. **Bricker wrote:** > [@](#): > > On what do you base your opinion that most guys HAVE done it? Someone else in the thread mentioned that perhaps it’s a southern thing. You know, I guess I can agree with that. Of the folk that have somehow or another admitted to any of the activities in the OP, most of them were very southern and from the country. In no way am I comparing those guys to the characters in Deliverance, but good grief! Look how they reacted. And, yes, I realize that situation was all out rape and not what I’m talking about here. I’m happily married with 3 kids and probably as straight as they come, but damn, in my youth an orgasm was an orgasm. Like a few others, I don’t understand the outright hostility expressed by some of you. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/85 "2005-10-12T15:17:09Z")
I grew up in the south for the most part (Louisiana and Tennessee). I was in the Boy Scouts for about 4 years. Later, I was in the Army for a while. And \*never \* did I see, hear of, or participate in any group activity such as described in this thread. Any guy that came up to any of my groups I hung out with and suggested doing such a group activity would likely have gotten his ass kicked, or at least ostracized. My particular small group of friends weren’t the beating up types, but geeze, I know what the kids were like in my adolescence. The worst thing in the world those days was to be “gay.” I’m not up on what the insult de jour is now, but back then it was “faggot.” I just can’t picture some guy suggesting whacking off with other guys. I guess we had a don’t ask don’t tell policy when it came to porno. sure, we had mags we passed around and such, and I guess we all knew what we would be doing later when each was alone. But no one said anything or did anything in view of others. ---
**Author:** ![Bangiadore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@Bangiadore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bangiadore)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/86 "2005-10-12T22:55:35Z")
What first interested me about this thread was the vehemence expressed by a number of guys that the whole idea of what the OP asked about was not even thinkable. It’s funny that I have this idea that people in general are more flexible, in terms of sexual boundaries, than they were even ten years ago. But the idea of jacking off with a friend – though both may freely admit to each other, for example, that they love their porn, and jack off to it often – seems to be met immediately not with a “Thanks, I’m set for now”, but with a kind of disgust. And it’s not the same thing as taking a shit, requiring privacy. I’ve actually never known a couple, gay or straight, who make a point of shitting together. Sexing is something you do with someone else, shitting isn’t. I mean it happens, but it’s a subset of a subset that it happens in, as far as I know. And here in New England, we have numerous 18th- and 19th-century outhouses with six or seven holes and no barriers between them – outside churches, usually, so maybe even the privacy-fetish about shitting is relatively new. My experiences, sexually, have led me into situations of just plain intimacy or even simple mutual desire, with mostly men but several women, where it would have been _dishonest_ not to reach an orgasm together. Never would there have been a question of – vehemence. It’s possible that I’ve just been lucky. I’ve gone there with four otherwise heterosexual men in my 51 years. One of them has died, (and no, I didn’t have anything to do with that), but the others are still like brothers to me – I love them _and_ their wives, who know everthing there was to know. I guess I’m just surprised by this thread, because of the vehemence in it. I respect the guys who’ve been vehement, I guess I just need something other than “ewwwww!” (and I’m paraphrasing), to explain why the OP’s, errr, proposition is so unthinkable. _Why_ is it so very out of the question that you might not “need any friends that…” I’m **really** interested in why it’s so definitely a **hell** , no, rather than just a no. With all due respect, what is the thing that prevents you from even _considering_ any sexual interface with a same-sex-dickmeister? Because I’m collecting information about this for a thesis that’ll posit that _no man can ever bear the sight of a penis larger than his own_, especially on **his own best buddy**. Ergo, it’s nertz on da circajerk. If I’m wrong, what _is_ the trubba here? ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/87 "2005-10-12T23:42:25Z")
> [@Bangiadore](#): > > Sexing is something you do with someone else, shitting isn’t. That’s your definition. In my definition it happens with someone else who is of the opposite sex than I. Is that enough material for your thesis? ---
**Author:** ![Bangiadore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@Bangiadore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bangiadore)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/88 "2005-10-13T00:44:31Z")
So what you’re saying, by way of answering my question, is that you never shit without a personage of the opposite sex by your side? That’s interesting. Thank you for sharing that. I didn’t know about that fetish. I suppose it explains all those six-and- seven-seater outhouses oputside the old churches, though. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/89 "2005-10-13T04:46:20Z")
This link might be of interest: > **[When I was at school ...](https://www.theguardian.com/education/2005/oct/12/publicschools.schools)** > > John Peel's autobiography reveals that he was raped at Shrewsbury school in the 1950s. So was his experience typical? We asked seven prominent former public schoolboys to spill their dormitory secrets. Oh, and for the record: All through my teen years my friends and I jerked off together. It was no big deal. (And I moved around a lot.) We also tortured bugs, blew shit up, lit things on fire, inhaled and ingested god-knows-what, and any number of things that we don’t do any more. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/90 "2005-10-13T09:03:23Z")
> [@Sublight](#): > > Well there’s one communication problem right there: what’s “these parts”? Your parts, Coldfire’s parts and my parts are all most likely in very different parts (you haven’t posted your location). And while I can’t speak for Coldie, I can say that questioning a guy’s sexuality around **these** parts is not likely to get you punched. Different parts, different attitudes. Hey, leave my parts out of this! Friggin’ homo! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/91 "2005-10-13T12:19:43Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Underoos on]…[/Moderator Underoos on] Is it just me or did anyone else notice that the Mod isn’t wearing any underwear? To answer the OPs questions. No, No and No. I prefer to do my masturbating in private. I’ve heard about people doing group masturbation, but not anyone I know (they could of course be lying). **Shagnasty** that sounds like a seriously messed up school you went to. ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240/92 "2005-10-13T17:50:03Z")
I’m with Shagnasty. The fairly rural middle/high school that I went to had similar (although toned down) things happening. This is all through stories from friends who would have no reason to lie about such things, who took direct part in the activities. Yes, I did not take part, this is not the, “Ummm, a friend of mine, that’s it,” type of evasion. I just wasn’t interested in that type of shit for whatever reason, but I was aware of several odd little parties my friends attended that turned into giant circle jerks, along with surreptitious size checking. I have since made friends with other people who have reported similar activity in their high schools (for example, high school hockey team in the locker room, most of the boys sort of absent mindedly beating off while listening to the pep talk). No one doing it to each other, however. That would have just been gay. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-sexual-rite-of-passage/325240.md?page=4)