# Male vs. Female Sex Drives **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 1, 2009, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578 "2009-04-01T14:43:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/161 "2009-04-29T07:31:11Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > No. What’s overwhelmingly apparent is that men and women in our society have radically different **patterns of behavior** when it comes to sex (although I think that even there, the differences are less radical than you’re trying to argue). And when those patterns of behavior cross ages and cultures and correspond whith similar patterns in other species I begin to think there is a high probability that it is not just cultural because the chances that all cultures developed the same by chance is infinitesimally small. And the chances that the species did the same is zero. Humans would be very exceptional in this regard if both sexes were alike in our sexual behavior. > [@Kimstu](#): > > Patterns of behavior are a tangled mix of instinctive drives and cultural practices. You can’t rely on an anecdote about a horndog model and a reference to rape statistics to constitute “overwheming evidence” about differences **specifically in instinctive sex drives.** So my examples are anecdotes but yours are canon law? I believe my example is representative of what I see as most common behavior in women. If you think the tremendous differences between men and women in their behavior, in the rate at which they rape, the rate at which they use prostitutes, the rate at which they search and accept casual sex, the rate at which they consume porn, etc, and that these rates are consistently different in every culture and in every age, if you think this is just caused by culture and has nothing to do with biology then we just evaluate the evidence differently because to me it is quite obvious biology is the major factor here. And so, we will just have to agree to disagree without being disagreeable. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/162 "2009-04-29T10:00:06Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#): > > How does the Fabio incident **sailor** related fit into your view? Note that I’ve backed up my “view” with numerous observations. w.r.t. the Fabio thing, I googled around and couldn’t find anything. But in any case, I’ve heard stories previously about celebs propositioning women and them refusing. It bucks a trend but it’s not that hard to explain: Firstly, celebs will generally have a lot of luck with women. So they’ll get to the stage where they are quite direct and proposition women in a way that ordinary guys would never do. I don’t directly ask for sex, even with a woman who seems to like me, because I know they’ll refuse. To me, the fact that someone would even try something like that implies past success. What _would_ be shocking is if a woman were to say “I met George Clooney. It took him all night to pluck up the courage to ask me out, so I politely declined”. And secondly, the women _may_ refuse because they are instinctively wary about jumping in the sack. I mean: These were women meeting their idol. Why did they refuse sex? Culture again, eh? * * * I’ve remembered another anecdote, but I’m not sure you’ll believe this one because it’s too convenient. 😃 The Fun Lovin’ Criminals were playing in my town. A friend of mine from Uni (who was super-hot) had apparently been invited to the after party. The following day, she tells me that some rough-looking drunk guy was trying to proposition her at the party, and she wasn’t interested. The drunk eventually pulls some other girl and then someone there tells her that he’s the lead singer of the band – she had no idea who the bandmembers were, she hadn’t even been at the concert. Then she said, I swear, “I wish I’d have taken him up on it…”. I felt physically sick to hear her say that… > [@Kimstu](#): > > What’s overwhelmingly apparent is that men and women in our society have radically different patterns of behavior when it comes to sex > … > Patterns of behavior are a tangled mix of instinctive drives and cultural practices. I agree with that. All I’ve said is that the instinctive component has the following effects in women (among others): [ul] [li]An attraction to men of high social status[/li][li]A hesistancy to sleeping with new, unfamiliar guys[/li][/ul] I cannot believe we’re still discussing this! And note: no guys have entered this discussion and argued with the general observation about guys’ instinctive sex drives. There just seems to be something unthinkable about saying women have any instinctive drives at all. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/163 "2009-04-29T13:16:05Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > are Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter really so much hotter than hundreds of thousands of other good-looking fortysomething women? I doubt it, but because they’re high-status celebrities, many males seem to regard them as practically sex goddesses. I don’t think it’s true that these people are regarded as “practically sex goddesses”. People talk more about their hotness than they do about that of people that they actually know, because there’s a comfort in the distance that you have from the celebrity. Talking about how hot one’s neighbor/coworker/relative is can cause “complications”. But that doesn’t mean that people actually think these celebrities are hotter than the people they know. ---
**Author:** ![DaphneBlack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daphneblack/32/5389_2.png) [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/164 "2009-04-29T14:16:08Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > ## Note that I’ve backed up my “view” with numerous observations. > > [snip] > > All I’ve said is that the instinctive component has the following effects in women (among others): > > [ul] > [li]An attraction to men of high social status[/li][li]A hesistancy to sleeping with new, unfamiliar guys[/li][/ul] > > I cannot believe we’re still discussing this! > > And note: no guys have entered this discussion and argued with the general observation about guys’ instinctive sex drives. There just seems to be something unthinkable about saying women have any instinctive drives at all. You have numerous observations for your view; I, sailor, and others have posted plenty of observations for the other view. w.r.t women and celebrities anyway. I don’t think you are wrong that women are attracted to celebrities, sometimes purely because they are celebrities. I think this is true for men too; I think that has more to do with ‘celebrity culture’ than with innate sex drives. I certainly have not disagreed with either of the bullet points you write either; no one is claiming that one factor which leads women to find a man attractive is high social status (and that the reverse for men with women is not so true, in this case). Of course women have instinctive drives wrt to sex. I was merely positing that it is not as if men and women’s ‘lust’ were always so different (in quality – I think it is different in quantity on average). Women like physically attractive men. They may also appreciate other things in a partner; men don’t make pair-bonding choices purely due to a women’s looks either. But we’re discussing sex-drives, not marriage. That we are still arguing this does seem weird to me. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/165 "2009-04-29T16:57:26Z")
**DaphneBlack** , I agree with everything in your last post and I guess I have nothing more to add. Well…the only thing I’d finally dispute is the suggestion that men are as attracted to celebrities as women seem to be. Personally, I find _hot_ celebrities hot, but no more so than if they were a “nobody”. If I respect a celebrity’s work, then I might be drawn to them, but it’s more a conscious thing than innate desire. But anyway, it’s hardly a point that I want to labour over. We can agree to disagree on that minor point. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/166 "2009-04-29T19:57:56Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > My point simply being: becoming famous has made it child’s play for him to pull women. Now, find me a woman for whom being famous has made it easier to pull guys. “Guys never wanted to sleep with me before I was famous…” – it’ll never happen. Interesting to note how the media treats ‘promiscuous’ female starlets and male actors and musicians who bed groupies… but that’s a whole other thread. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578/167 "2012-06-05T18:20:38Z")
Came across someone else who made largely the same point as I was making in the OP, although he applied it in a much broader fashion. To the part that refers to sex drives specifically: > [@](#): > > Several recent works have questioned the whole idea of gender differences in abilities: Even when average differences are found, they tend to be extremely small. In contrast, when you look at what men and women want, what they like, there are genuine differences. Look at research on the sex drive: Men and women may have about equal “ability” in sex, whatever that means, but there are big differences as to motivation: which gender thinks about sex all the time, wants it more often, wants more different partners, risks more for sex, masturbates more, leaps at every opportunity, and so on. Our survey of published research found that pretty much every measure and every study showed higher sex drive in men. It’s official: men are hornier than women. This is a difference in motivation. > [@](#): > > The huge difference in reproductive success very likely contributed to some personality differences, because different traits pointed the way to success. Women did best by minimizing risks, whereas the successful men were the ones who took chances. Ambition and competitive striving probably mattered more to male success (measured in offspring) than female. Creativity was probably more necessary, to help the individual man stand out in some way. Even the sex drive difference was relevant: For many men, there would be few chances to reproduce and so they had to be ready for every sexual opportunity. If a man said “not today, I have a headache,” he might miss his only chance. Source: [http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/GoodAbtMenAPATalk.doc](http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/GoodAbtMenAPATalk.doc) (Very interesting thesis in general - worth reading IMO.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/male-vs-female-sex-drives/491578.md?page=8)