# Males, if you found out you were pregnant right now, what would you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724 "2005-07-01T17:22:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/21 "2005-07-02T02:14:19Z")
This episode of SDMB’s “Seemingly Good Conjectural Questions” brought to you by: High-Five Brother Rubbers: “We Aim To Please Us !” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/22 "2005-07-02T03:22:44Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > Ever see the movie? Sweet Jeezus, you filmed it! And I thought Paris Hilton was a slut… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/23 "2005-07-02T03:34:57Z")
Post here, milk it for all the money it’s worth, and hope it takes me into November, when I’ll be old enough to apply for a job with **Sampiro**. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/24 "2005-07-02T04:49:52Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > Drink heavily. How dare you! Don’t you know how bad that is for the baby??? ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/25 "2005-07-02T06:25:13Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I’d go on Oprah, get a book deal, sell the video rights, give the kid up for adoption on a Reality Show that I owned half of, and then use the proceeds to live the rest of my life in peripetetic sybarism with a neverending succession of 19-24 year old concubines. awwww **Sampiro** wrote it down first :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/26 "2005-07-02T08:41:41Z")
I’d be praying that it wasn’t the child of my last boyfriend and instead hope for immaculate conception. Otherwise… it’s _coat hanger time_! ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2005, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/27 "2005-07-02T12:01:44Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > I’d be praying that it wasn’t the child of my last boyfriend and instead hope for immaculate conception. > > Otherwise… it’s _coat hanger time_! Did anyone else picture a dancing coat hanger and a modified “It’s peanut butter jelly time” song? Nope, just me? ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/28 "2005-07-03T04:34:03Z")
Preparation H ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/29 "2005-07-03T04:59:22Z")
I would begin to doubt whether I actually am a male, seeing as all of my education involving human reproduction has obviously been a giant conspiracy to misinform me (to what end, I wonder). I mean, I’ve been told that only women could get pregnant and that one had to have sex to conceive a child. Then I would try to find out how it really does work, and then make my decision based on the truth. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/30 "2005-07-03T05:21:40Z")
I’d be mildly pleased that I’m more genderqueer than even I had suspected up until now. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/31 "2005-07-03T05:31:06Z")
Research, invent, and perhaps patent, male abortion. Go to town. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/32 "2005-07-04T07:52:26Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Research, invent, and perhaps patent, male abortion. Go to town. “If men became pregnant, abortion would be a holy sacrament.” Gore Vidal, 1973 ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/33 "2005-07-04T08:07:31Z")
I’d call the baby Boneo, Splint, Djork, or some such (perhaps Nelson or Syu Chi) give it its own TV programme (on which I insist people call it it), and then rail against “the media” for not letting it alone. In the meantime, I will record a chart-topping hit about the experience of dealing with the media, which I will promote on a global media charity concert when my star is waning. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/34 "2005-07-04T11:39:26Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > “If men became pregnant, abortion would be a holy sacrament.” Gore Vidal, 1973 Demonstrating adequately that Gore Vidal had the odd moment when he couldn’t distinguish a _bon mot_ from a meaningless noise. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/35 "2005-07-04T12:20:30Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Demonstrating adequately that Gore Vidal had the odd moment when he couldn’t distinguish a _bon mot_ from a meaningless noise. The same thought went through my mind when I read the sentence. Not a Wilde or a Twain, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Arwin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Arwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwin)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/36 "2005-07-04T12:51:23Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Demonstrating adequately that Gore Vidal had the odd moment when he couldn’t distinguish a _bon mot_ from a meaningless noise. Depends. If men would get pregnant _instead of women_, the Pope would be female. If both men and women would get pregnant, the Church would be governed by both sexes equally, and the issue of abortion would be a tight battle between spreading the ‘true’ relgion etc. It would be very interesting, the world would have looked very different. But to return to Gore Vidal’s statement, under the circumstances, say that men and women all of a sudden switched procreation roles, he definitely has a very good point. I myself would be very, very happy, by the way. 🙂 And, apparently as the first in this thread full of latent machos who hide their petulent masculine fear of being tied down to a family, I mean that in the traditional sense of genuinely looking forward to what will result from this mix between my and my wonderful girlfriend’s DNA . 🆒🙂 ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/37 "2005-07-04T14:49:21Z")
It’s not a fear of having a family as much as it is a fear of “OMG I HAVE A KID WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS!?!” I would adopt a kid at some point as long as it was potty trained, and I could give it back before puberty. I know how I was when I was 13. I know how my brother is right now at 13. No way am I voluntarily going to put myself in that situration. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/38 "2005-07-04T22:04:07Z")
> [@Arwin](#): > > Depends. If men would get pregnant _instead of women_, the Pope would be female. If both men and women would get pregnant, the Church would be governed by both sexes equally, and the issue of abortion would be a tight battle between spreading the ‘true’ relgion etc. It would be very interesting, the world would have looked very different. > > But to return to Gore Vidal’s statement, under the circumstances, say that men and women all of a sudden switched procreation roles, he definitely has a very good point. Heh. If men got pregnant instead of women, men would be women and women would be men, so there’s not much call to believe the social order would change one whit. And I don’t know what this “good point” is that Gore Vidal has, to be honest. That men already arrange matters so much to their own advantage that they would automatically claim the right to abort? Then why is infanticide - a game that both sexes can play - a crime? Why can men not force their partners either to abort or to carry to term as _they_ desire? For that matter, why is rape a crime and why does marriage exist? Since men take plenty of pains to disadvantage themselves already, I don’t think it’s a given that men would venerate abortion if by some impossible circumstance it emerged that men were now the sex that became pregnant. Sorry, Gore, but I’m still calling it a cheap shot. > [@Arwin](#): > > I myself would be very, very happy, by the way. 🙂 And, apparently as the first in this thread full of latent machos who hide their petulent masculine fear of being tied down to a family, I mean that in the traditional sense of genuinely looking forward to what will result from this mix between my and my wonderful girlfriend’s DNA . 🆒🙂 Blowed if I know why you hate your own sex so much, **Arwin** 😛 , but as to me, I’d surely keep it. If anyone in this weird scenario is utterly blameless and deserves not to suffer, it’s the creature that’s mysteriously taken up residence inside me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@The\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hook)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/39 "2005-07-05T01:36:00Z")
Do what every straight male would do: Try to somehow use it to pick up girls. Me: I’m good with children. Her: Yeah, that’s what they all say, “hunk”. Me: No, really. I have one inside right now. Wanna feel him kick me in the balls? Her: Who’s the father? Me: :dubious: … :eek: Wait. Does it turn you on? Her: No. Me: Oh, okay then. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724/40 "2005-07-05T02:38:31Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > I’d be praying that it wasn’t the child of my last boyfriend and instead hope for immaculate conception. Psst. . . The doctrine of the “immaculate conception” does not refer to a virgin birth (or to the birth of Jesus). It refers to the birth of Jesus’ mother Mary, by normal biological means, but with a soul “immaculate” of original sin. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/males-if-you-found-out-you-were-pregnant-right-now-what-would-you-do/310724.md?page=3)