# Mall-Wart forbids employee reading in the can-employee goes medieval

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [May 28, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592 "2004-05-28T23:11:31Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Sassafras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@Sassafras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassafras)\
**Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592/61 "2004-06-02T12:03:59Z")

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My office manager had to hang a sign in our bathroom regarding no reading while you are doing your thing. We have one employee bathroom for 20 women and some employees were staying in there for half an hour, while the line formed outside. Do your business and get out already!

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**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\
**Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592/62 "2004-06-02T17:28:09Z")

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> [@Tuckerfan](#):
>
> Nah, it was on his “to do list”
> 
> 1.) Get map and plan out escape route  
> 2.) Slash managers while alerting fellow employees that managers are actually spies for Martha Stewart and her advance fleet of reptilian lifestyle consultants.  
> 3.) Flee store following preplanned safe route and flag down passing UFO from the Nordic aliens in order to inform them that Martha Stewart’s moving in ahead of schedule.
> 
> His problem is that he didn’t count on the police being so closeby, thus thwarting his escape.

Dude, Martha Stewart’s spies and reptilian lifestyle consultants work at KMart. Duhh.

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**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\
**Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592/63 "2004-06-02T17:32:08Z")

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> [@Miller](#):
>
> It’s not like he’s sitting in there thinking, “I should really get back to work, but I want to find out where I-90 goes!”

Well, duh…[that’s what the internet is for!](http://www.interstate-guide.com/i-090.html) Roadgeeks to the rescue!

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**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\
**Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mall-wart-forbids-employee-reading-in-the-can-employee-goes-medieval/247592/64 "2004-06-02T22:35:40Z")

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> [@Nametag](#):
>
> Dude, Martha Stewart’s spies and reptilian lifestyle consultants work at KMart. Duhh.

Right, which is exactly why he had to alert everyone, because as we all know, K-Mart’s going under, and Martha’s going to jail, but that’s merely the coverstory. The _real_ story is that with K-Mart going down, Martha _had_ to find a way to bail on them, and move in on Wal-Mart (which is ran by the Nordic aliens). The whole business with Imclone was to get her out of her contract with K-Mart. She’d already pulled most of her operatives out of K-Mart, and was gradually moving them into Wal-Mart. Our errant manager slasher discovered this when he walked into the bathroom the day before and caught one of the managers putting on make up to cover up his reptillian nature.

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