# Malls are Boring! Fix it Here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903 "2003-04-06T19:34:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/21 "2003-04-07T12:44:11Z")
I want Diagon Alley and Knockturn Street ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/22 "2003-04-07T12:44:51Z")
Another addition to **TheLoadedDog** ’s mall: The bookstore. When you walk in you are immediately aware of the slightly musty smell of old leather and paper. Near the door is a small table behind which an old man is sitting. He looks up from the book he is reading and nods in welcome. There is a cat on his lap. The room is full of ceiling-height shelves packed with an assortment of books, all hardcover and none of them published in the last decade (except for those in the box next to the table with the sign “take one”). Handwritten signs more or less identify the contents of the shelves, and there is an open doorway in the back with a sign over it that says “Lasciate ogni speranza ch’entrate.” In the back room the smell you noticed upon entering is more intense, and nothing is less than a century old. There are several locked glass cabinets whose contents vary from small volumes with exquisitely tooled leather bindings to massive tomes bound in cracked and worn leather. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/23 "2003-04-07T13:03:17Z")
I live a few minutes from West Edmonton Mall… It has an ass kicking roller coaster, amusement park, and waterpark. There are bars, restaurants, and clubs to spare. There’s a hotel, submarines, ships, and dolphins. There’s parking for 20,000 cars. They are going to be expanding. You’ll find me cruising the small independently owned shops downtown and elsewhere as I absolutely hate going to the mall. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/24 "2003-04-07T13:52:11Z")
People People People, what is needed in malls today are make-out booths! These booths give a couple, (or three very friendly people) a little bit of privacy in the center court. The catch is that the doors remain locked for between 5 to 10 min with the interval being random. When the time is up the doors and all walls of the booth drop into the floor so you had better be done. Also to improve how attentive mall workers would be to mall patrons, anybody who manages to have sex in a store with out being caught will get a five min shopping spree from that store. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/25 "2003-04-07T13:53:38Z")
Burn down the malls and replace them with locally owned used bookstores and coffee shops. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/26 "2003-04-07T14:26:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lainaf \* > \*\*A roller coaster. \*\* [West Edmonton Mall](http://www.westedmall.com/home/homepage.asp) has one, as pointed out by **Feynn**. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/27 "2003-04-07T15:24:01Z")
In the used bookstore vein, I’d like a HUGE used bookstore, but modelled as a “bookstore someone started in their house”, so you can barely fit down the aisles, have to really work to find stuff, and can chat with the owner, who is somewhere behind it all. Because those are the best kind of stores. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/28 "2003-04-07T15:26:23Z")
How about a brothel? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/29 "2003-04-07T15:32:28Z")
(preferably “Lady Sally’s Place”) ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/30 "2003-04-07T15:35:01Z")
Sorry, **clayton\_e** , I should have been more explicit in the OP. To make it clear, NO CHAIN STORES! Local ownership only! (Of course, it’s OK if one of these independents is offered huge sums for the right to a franchise, but that has to be secondary.) Keep the ideas coming, everybody! Plans for the mall are proceeding, and the Dopefest is on for the Grand Opening. All we need now is the money; send your investment (retirement funds OK!) care of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/31 "2003-04-07T16:37:49Z")
> [@](#): > > A more mazelike architecture for malls. You obviously haven’t been to the Underground City in Toronto. Kilometres of tunnels, shops, levels, stairs, back alleys, hotels, apartments, etc, etc, underlying the downtown. People get around by subway. Heck, even the Eaton Centre has two subway stations… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/32 "2003-04-07T16:40:21Z")
My friend called it the Ant Farm. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/33 "2003-04-07T17:39:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*In the used bookstore vein, I’d like a HUGE used bookstore, but modelled as a “bookstore someone started in their house”, so you can barely fit down the aisles, have to really work to find stuff, and can chat with the owner, who is somewhere behind it all. Because those are the best kind of stores. \*\* Yeah! Too bad the only house-cum-used bookstore I know of around here was torn down to make way for a minimall. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/34 "2003-04-07T17:46:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > \*\*You obviously haven’t been to the Underground City in Toronto. Kilometres of tunnels, shops, levels, stairs, back alleys, hotels, apartments, etc, etc, underlying the downtown. People get around by subway. Heck, even the Eaton Centre has two subway stations… \*\* Sounds like [Crystal City](http://www.thecrystalcityshops.com/) on a vastly larger scale. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/35 "2003-04-07T17:48:09Z")
A small, cozy lingerie shop - corsets, camisoles, bras, panties, bedroom wear, etc. It is run by an elderly Italian woman who can size you up perfectly just by looking at you, though she takes the time to fit you. The dressing rooms are spacious, with kind lighting and antique mirrors. All of the larger sizes are gorgeous, created from colorful silk, satin and lace. No ‘grandma underwear’ exists within the confines of the shop, and the owner makes sure that none of the garments you love are ever ‘discontinued’. If, for some odd reason, your purchase doesn’t fit properly, you can exchange it with no hassle. Complimentary pastries, cookies and tea are refreshed constantly. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/36 "2003-04-07T18:51:33Z")
I’ve got another one: An Actual-Sized Person Clothing Store. Because I don’t shop for clothes anymore because no one except Wal-Mart has my bloody size. Oh, yea, Penney’s has size 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, and 40, but not a thing above that. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/37 "2003-04-07T18:58:36Z")
And I don’t mean one of those awful “big and tall” stores where everything is polyester and ugly. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/38 "2003-04-07T19:15:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*(Great Idea/OP! Well done) > > My ideal ‘mall’ (we call them ‘shopping centres’, which is probably about as dull a name as is possible)… > \*\* In southern Ontario, they call them ‘town centres’ which is even WORSE. I find malls somewhat annoying, but if I have to have a mall, I want sliding sidewalks everywhere, but without those railings they have at the airport. I also want to see swooping rams for motorized wheelchair users only. If we’re dealing with actual size stores, I want to be able to find size 8 shoes and a 30 inch waist on my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/39 "2003-04-07T19:32:55Z")
A large bookstore. A small, indoor, amusement park. An 18-foot-tall Lava Lamp. Gold, with blue light, & red Goo. 🆒 As for architecture, let’s make it a stunning Art Deco Streamline! Or a Batman-Type Art Deco Gothic! ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903/40 "2003-04-07T20:06:09Z")
All women’s clothing stores should be equipped with video games for the men to play. That should be a law. There should be a law that prohibits two malls in the same town from having the same stores (like if there’s a gap at one, there can’t be a gap at the other) Of course then my wife would make me go to 2 malls instead of one… The only real way to make malls more interesting is to make all of us 17 year olds again, but with alot of money. Come to think of it, I like the paintball idea. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malls-are-boring-fix-it-here/166903.md?page=3)