# Malvolio's not here man... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 2000, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810 "2000-11-05T14:03:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/1 "2000-11-05T14:03:19Z")
According to a British newspaper [Pipes found at Shakespeare’s home in Stratford-upon-Avon are now being tested for traces of cannabis.](http://www.abc.net.au/news/newslink/nat/newsnat-5nov2000-52.htm) Researchers believe some of imagery was drug induced. If true this will change the staging and texts somewhat: (Hamlet) “I cannot tell a hawk from _[pulls cone]_ a handsaw.” (Lear) “Like, Howl.” (Macbeth) “The whole wood is moving , just like those ugly ladies said it would. Wicked” ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/2 "2000-11-05T14:13:35Z")
Get me three tickets for _A Midsummer Night’s Pizza Craving_ immediately! Cry havoc and let slip the roaches of war! ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/3 "2000-11-05T21:49:12Z")
and all our yesterdays fools have lighted up :\> ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/4 "2000-11-05T22:20:51Z")
Well, that explains Titus Andronicus. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/5 "2000-11-05T22:31:27Z")
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? DEA, man. Aaaaaaaaaah, damn, Julie honey. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/6 "2000-11-05T23:26:41Z")
andygirl, I think only PCP can explain Titus Andronicus. This sure does shed some new light on all the Queen Mab business in _R&J_, though… ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/7 "2000-11-06T13:30:39Z")
The link for this seems to have died. The original article from the _Independent on Sunday_ can be found [here](http://www.independent.co.uk/enjoyment/Theatre/Theatre/2000-11/shake051100.shtml). [sup]Hardly sounds like a bump at all, does it?[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/8 "2000-11-06T16:44:03Z")
_The Tragedie of **SHAGGYE** , Prynce of Denmarke_ _Enter SHAGGYE and hys noble hounde SCOOBIE. SHAGGYE picketh up skulle_ **SHAGGYE**. Like wow, Scoob! Horatio! I knew this cat. He and I phoned out for pizza, like, a thousand times. **SCOOBIE**. Rizza! _licketh lippes sloppily_ Hee-hee-hee! _Eerie greene light poureth from eye-socketts of skulle, laughtere as of ye dead cometh from now-movinge jaws of same_ **SHAGGYE** Yoiks! Let’s get outta here! _SHAGGYE droppeth skulle. Exeunt **SHAGGYE** and **SCOOBIE** , runnynge as if to gayne firme foot-hold upon a slipperie floore_ ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/9 "2000-11-06T17:47:40Z")
Olen, you crack me up man… Fretful P., you beat me to it. 😉 She is the faeries’ mid-wife, and she comes in shape no bigger than a…dime-bag? and again: True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but…smokin’ that KGB? ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/10 "2000-11-06T23:24:20Z")
The bong is not so deep as a well; 'tis not so wide as a church-door, but 'tis enough; 'twill serve. Ask for me tomorrow and thou shalt find me hiiiiiiiigh as hell, man. (Or something.) ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/11 "2000-11-07T01:46:19Z")
“Come loving night, come gentle smoke-filled night; Bring me my drug dealer, and if he shall fall, Shoot his lame ass and bring me some more weed; And that herb will make the face of heaven so fine, that all the 'heads will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.” ~Romeo and Juliet I mean, I tried. I know it sucks, but I did try.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/12 "2000-11-07T04:00:57Z")
I’m just trying to imagine what somebody in 17th century England would have to eat if they had the munchies. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/malvolios-not-here-man/39810/13 "2000-11-07T04:22:53Z")
Again, witness Titus Andronicus. 😉