# Mamas, don't follow your babies into the men's room **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294 "2009-08-13T15:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/261 "2009-08-17T14:29:40Z")
Remember the shitstorm (no pun intended) when somebody said they just let their kid crap in the habitrail because there wasn’t any way in hell they were going to clean it up? Aaah, good times. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/262 "2009-08-17T14:33:33Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > “What…does…P…U…” (and I’m thinking, did she say ‘P’ or ‘F’?)…S.S…" > At this point I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. **fessie** , you’re being entirely too fussy. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/263 "2009-08-17T14:44:48Z")
> [@SmashTheState](#): > > You speak as if obsessive parental overprotection is some sort of hardcoded genetic truism. It’s not. It is entirely socialized. In the not too distant past, it was customary in many cultures to wait a few years before naming a child, since the mortality rate for children was so high that it usually took a few tries before one survived. A child before naming wasn’t considered fully human. In many places where food was scarce in the winter, a child born in the wrong season would be left in the forest to die of exposure or for the animals to eat, since it’s unlikely it would survive the winter anyway and there’s no point in wasting food on it. The bizarre and frankly disturbing obsessiveness with “protecting” children from sexuality is itself the result of twisted and repressed sexuality emerging from modern Puritanism. I tend to believe that extreme protectiveness towards one’s children is, in point of fact, hardcoded genetically. As someone once pointed out, human children are rather unique in that they have no particular cameoflauge, do not attempt to hide when alone, and that their instinctual reaction to danger is to make an incredibly loud noise, rather than freezing. Contrast this with the young of most other species. The reason, I submit, is that for thousands of years the instinctive reaction of _parents_ to any hint of assault or danger to their kiddies was to react with such fury and violence that potential predators soon learned to avoid touching the cubs. They either learned that, or quickly went extinct. This doesn’t of course prevent parents from harming their own children (think for example of bears - the fact that bears sometimes abandon or even eat their cubs doesn’t mean it is safe for _you_ to get inbetween a mother bear and her cubs!), just that their reaction to someone or something attempting to _prey_ on their children tends towards the extreme. An extremity that can be rather socially disfunctional, as people have to live rather crowded together. As for pedophiles - that isn’t about “protecting kids from sexuality” at all. It is about protecting kids from assault and abduction. The fact that such a fate is rather rare (though not unknown) isn’t much of a consolation. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/264 "2009-08-17T14:45:15Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > See, you _must not_ allow your child in the play area alone. You need to crawl up into that habitrail with them. > > And if you get stuck - well, that’s what the Jaws Of Life are for. Been there, done that. Though not because I was worried about dirty words (for a while “people just like to write bad words on walls, but that’s vandalism and wrong” works fine. Although I usually answered with the clinical and bland “that’s a word for sex that most people think is naughty, don’t use it”). Eventually they start learning and being able to read more interesting phrases - but that came with the ability to ask their friends which seems to be far more interesting that asking mom (mom and dad sometimes over explain when they least want it). Some of the conversations I’ve overheard while kids try and reach consensus on what they’ve overheard have been amusing - three nine year old boys being grossed out by oral sex). My kids have heard me yell most of those words when I’m mad, so they aren’t new words to my kids) - my daughter couldn’t get through those things when her brother could - so I got to “help” when she was little (like eighteen months). And its a good thing I’m pretty thin and not terribly tall! ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/265 "2009-08-17T14:48:08Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I have passed on a few “dicey” bathrooms since that time - passing up the dicey truck stop for the less dicey McDs. Chances are the McDs will have a cleaner bathroom, anyway. At least they theoretically clean on some sort of schedule… although the one rest area I really liked was on some route into Oregon from Idaho … a 2 hole privy for each sex … if you wanted to wash your hands you had to jump the fence and use the cow trough 😃 Plenty of privacy … most people refused to use it so it was dang near pristine, plenty of toilet paper, no trash tossed around by people picnicking 😃 and cows … ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/266 "2009-08-17T14:52:18Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I’m not. Any more than I’m haunted by the thought my kid will get cancer and die - like one of the boys in my son’s class. Or that a household fire will kill my kids - like one of the kids in my daughter’s class. Or that they will drown in a bathtub, like a coworkers daughter. Or struck by lightening like my cousin. > > I am, however, disturbed - not haunted - but disturbed - by eight year old boys peeking through stall doors while I pee. Which in my experience is much more statistically likely than having my kids molested or murdered. Very well put. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/267 "2009-08-17T15:11:59Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > (think for example of bears - the fact that bears sometimes abandon or even eat their cubs doesn’t mean it is safe for _you_ to get in between a mother bear and her cubs!) If I’m at a restaurant and a 500-pound grizzly is guarding the men’s room door, I’ll probably wait till the cub is out of there. They do make a damned mess with the toilet paper, though. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/268 "2009-08-17T15:16:57Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > If I’m at a restaurant and a 500-pound grizzly is guarding the men’s room door, I’ll probably wait till the cub is out of there. > > They do make a damned mess with the toilet paper, though. At least, according to those obnoxious Charmin ads. 😛 [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vBNcQgkXEWE/hqdefault.jpg "Another Charmin Bears commercial") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBNcQgkXEWE) ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/269 "2009-08-17T15:28:26Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I tend to believe that extreme protectiveness towards one’s children is, in point of fact, hardcoded genetically. > > As someone once pointed out, human children are rather unique in that they have no particular cameoflauge, do not attempt to hide when alone, and that their instinctual reaction to danger is to make an incredibly loud noise, rather than freezing. Contrast this with the young of most other species. > > The reason, I submit, is that for thousands of years the instinctive reaction of _parents_ to any hint of assault or danger to their kiddies was to react with such fury and violence that potential predators soon learned to avoid touching the cubs. They either learned that, or quickly went extinct. I’d argue that extreme protectiveness is hardwired into the parents (or at least mothers) of any species that invests significant resources of time and nurturing in its young, even when protective strategies include silent freezing. There’s a reason Robert Heinlein rephrased an old saying into: “Greater love hath no man than a mother cat dying to protect her kittens.” ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/270 "2009-08-17T15:38:43Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > I’d argue that extreme protectiveness is hardwired into the parents (or at least mothers) of any species that invests significant resources of time and nurturing in its young, even when protective strategies include silent freezing. There’s a reason Robert Heinlein rephrased an old saying into: > > “Greater love hath no man than a mother cat dying to protect her kittens.” I suspect the difference is that “top” predators have a realistic chance of surviving if they confront other predators attacking their young, which makes them all the more violent. Humans have been “top” predators for a great deal of their evolutionary history; and being more social than most, it is not only a child’s mother who will react to a child’s screams, but very often many other human adults as well. I have noticed that a child’s “fear” scream has a very compelling force, you practically can’t help but run towards it to find out what the matter is. Attack a kittens and you have to deal with the mother cat; attack a human child and you have to deal with not only the human mother, but pretty well every other adult human in earshot as well (excluding I supose the most cowardly). Preying on human children isn’t a very good tactic, even though the children are practically totally defenceless (and presumably tasty 😉 ). ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/271 "2009-08-17T15:52:40Z")
> [@SmashTheState](#): > > You speak as if obsessive parental overprotection is some sort of hardcoded genetic truism. It’s not. It is entirely socialized. In the not too distant past, it was customary in many cultures to wait a few years before naming a child, since the mortality rate for children was so high that it usually took a few tries before one survived. A child before naming wasn’t considered fully human. In many places where food was scarce in the winter, a child born in the wrong season would be left in the forest to die of exposure or for the animals to eat, since it’s unlikely it would survive the winter anyway and there’s no point in wasting food on it. The bizarre and frankly disturbing obsessiveness with “protecting” children from sexuality is itself the result of twisted and repressed sexuality emerging from modern Puritanism. IIRC, that part about not naming children until age 5 still happens. And there are plenty of places in the world where women and minorities are considered less than fully human. The question is, which group has the luxury of responding to their instincts, the parent in dire straits or the one who has many options? [Maslow’s hierarchy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs) suggests that it’s parents in the developed world, whose basic needs have already been met. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/272 "2009-08-17T15:56:34Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I tend to believe that extreme protectiveness towards one’s children is, in point of fact, hardcoded genetically. If that were true, mothers would never put their kids into a moving vehicle. That’s where most of them die. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/273 "2009-08-17T16:16:31Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > If that were true, mothers would never put their kids into a moving vehicle. That’s where most of them die. As I’ve pointed out above, the fact is that the things which frighten one and cause one to react instinctively to danger are _NOT_ necessariily the things that are objectively the most dangerous. People react most strongly to those things that push their instinctive buttons. That’s what people find “scary”, not what is most harmful to them. If that were not the case, instead of watching horror movies, people would watch ads for automobiles, cigarettes and junk food in order to get that pleasant thrill of danger and fright. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/274 "2009-08-17T16:16:43Z")
I really don’t get all the family-password hatred. It’s not harming the kids in any way (you’re teaching them to have some way of verifying that people are who they say they are, which is a especially important lesson in ye olde internets age), and it’s not inconveniencing anyone else. > [@Jenaroph](#): > > What parent paranoid enough to make sure their kids have a password in case of an emergency broken leg leaves the kids alone in a car anymore? > [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I get that people sometimes leave their kids in the car, and that they used to do it more often, but if you’re paranoid enough for the password, wouldn’t you NEVER EVER leave your kids in the car? not even once? How many people really did the password thing anyway? What’s paranoid about having a password in case of emergency? Our neighbor also had a copy of our housekey in case we got locked out–also very unlikely (IIRC the spare key never needed to be used), but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea to prepare for the contingency. And because Mom **wasn’t** psycho over-protective, she had no problem with leaving the kids in the car for five minutes. Paranoid would be \*\*expecting \*\*us to get kidnapped, raped, and murdered by cannibal pedophiles. Sensible was having \*\*contingency \*\*plans for highly unlikely **but not impossible** circumstances. (We also had a “family meeting area” for if the house ever caught fire–do you think that was paranoid, too?) > [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > So, really, being eaten by a pedophile or else being molested by a shark should be the most terrifying concept imaginable. [Eaten by a pedophile](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Dahmer), you say? > [@Dangerosa](#): > > Just do it against the wall of the theatre when you leave. Oh c’mon, don’t be gross. That’s what the \*\*popcorn buckets \*\*are for. > [@billfish678](#): > > I went there once! We got stale crackers and bitter Kookaid too! Is that the brand of juice drink all the crazy people hand out? ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/275 "2009-08-17T16:18:22Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > As I’ve pointed out above, the fact is that the things which frighten one and cause one to react instinctively to danger are _NOT_ necessariily the things that are objectively the most dangerous. > > People react most strongly to those things that push their instinctive buttons. That’s what people find “scary”, not what is most harmful to them. If that were not the case, instead of watching horror movies, people would watch ads for automobiles, cigarettes and junk food in order to get that pleasant thrill of danger and fright. 😛 Bwahaha! Absolutely. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/276 "2009-08-17T16:28:14Z")
I’m a grown-ass man, as some would say, and I get creeped out by truckstop bathrooms. It’s like they’re designed with an “abandon all hope” aesthetic in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/277 "2009-08-17T16:29:47Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > I’m a grown-ass man, as some would say, and I get creeped out by truckstop bathrooms. It’s like they’re designed with an “abandon all hope” aesthetic in mind. I trust the rest of you has grown as well. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/278 "2009-08-17T16:40:06Z")
Not as evenly distributed as I’d hoped. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/279 "2009-08-17T17:11:18Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > It’s kind of funny that this thread is up at the same time as “Men like boobies”. Women aren’t the only irrational beings. 😉 Yeah, irrational, you’d think they’d realize that boobs are a serious choking hazard. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/280 "2009-08-17T17:38:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I really don’t get all the family-password hatred. It’s not harming the kids in any way (you’re teaching them to have some way of verifying that people are who they say they are, which is a especially important lesson in ye olde internets age), and it’s not inconveniencing anyone else. The family passwords are hated because it would almost never be needed in a real life situation. When would you ever need to send a complete stranger to pick up your kid from school? Between family members, friends of my parents and neighbors, I could probably come up with a list of 30 people that could have picked me up from school if there was trouble. The idea of a “stranger with the password” is so unreal to me, it may as well be a joke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=15)