# Mamas, don't follow your babies into the men's room **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294 "2009-08-13T15:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/81 "2009-08-14T14:46:30Z")
In Western Australia a couple of years ago, an 8 yr old girl using the toilets by herself in a shopping mall (she was at the mall with her uncle) was pulled into the handicapped toilet (a single room on its own), molested and killed. The whole thing took ten minutes. It is hard to shrug off something like that, even though you know it’s a 1 in a million occurrence. If her uncle had been hovering outside the ladies’ to collect her, the guy who grabbed her wouldn’t have had the opportunity. How willing are you as a parent to play the odds with your child’s life? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/82 "2009-08-14T14:49:57Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > The whole thing took ten minutes. It is hard to shrug off something like that, even though you know it’s a 1 in a million occurrence. It’s easy to shrug off \*because \*I know it’s a one in a million occurrence. > [@](#): > > If her uncle had been hovering outside the ladies’ to collect her, the guy who grabbed her wouldn’t have had the opportunity. How willing are you as a parent to play the odds with your child’s life? People play these odds every single day. There is no way to never let someone out of your sight at all. Someone was killed on a bicycle across the street from my building. I still ride my bike. Calm down, vigilant mom. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/83 "2009-08-14T14:53:55Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > In Western Australia a couple of years ago, an 8 yr old girl using the toilets by herself in a shopping mall (she was at the mall with her uncle) was pulled into the handicapped toilet (a single room on its own), molested and killed. The whole thing took ten minutes. It is hard to shrug off something like that, even though you know it’s a 1 in a million occurrence. If her uncle had been hovering outside the ladies’ to collect her, the guy who grabbed her wouldn’t have had the opportunity. How willing are you as a parent to play the odds with your child’s life? Okay, first, Jesus Christ, that’s awful. Second, [less than a year ago in my own state, an infant was killed when his parents drove him to the doctor](http://www.wspa.com/spa/news/local/article/nc_couple_infant_killed_after_train_accident/7896). That’s a lot more recent than your incident, and a lot closer. But I still drive my daughter to the doctor. So I guess I’m pretty willing to play the odds with my child’s life. Edit: tracking down [the incident you’re talking about](http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article2563189.ece), we learn something horrifying but relevant: > [@](#): > > However, on June 26 last year Arthurs dragged Sofia into a shopping centre lavatory before beating her, sexually assaulting her and strangling her as her family searched for the girl. In other words, he wasn’t lurking in a bathroom waiting for a victim (which would be extremely hazardous, given the chance that someone else might come in), but rather dragged her into an empty bathroom. This incident doesn’t justify the measures described in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/84 "2009-08-14T15:11:33Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > This is why there should be “family rest rooms” in public places. Down here in Maryland, there seems to be a trend in that direction. I don’t know whether there’s a new law, or what, but it’s happening. When the Annapolis Mall expanded a couple of years ago, they included a rather sizable family restroom area, complete with breast-feeding booths, individual restrooms big enough to drive a stroller or cart into with room left over (really handy when _you_ want to use the toilet, without having to unstrap your 2 year old from his stroller), a kiddie play area, and lots of extra sinks. My wife tells me that the new Wal-Mart in our county has something similar. Must be a new law, since I doubt WallyWorld did that out of the goodness of their heart. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/85 "2009-08-14T15:21:35Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > So what do you do with your young daughter? Send her to the womens room alone? I always took my daughters into the mens room with me when they were 3 or 4ish - simply because they weren’t totally able to take care of matters themselves in an unfamiliar bathroom. No big deal. > > Now of course, I have to wait outside the womens room while my daughters are in there. That’s fun. Haven’t quite had security called on me yet, but lots of dirty looks. How’s that any different from waiting outside the women’s room while your wife or SO is in there? Lord knows I’ve done that plenty of times during my married life, but never gotten the beady eye from security anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/86 "2009-08-14T15:41:34Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > When the Annapolis Mall expanded a couple of years ago, they included a rather sizable family restroom area, complete with breast-feeding booths, individual restrooms big enough to drive a stroller or cart into with room left over (really handy when _you_ want to use the toilet, without having to unstrap your 2 year old from his stroller), a\*\* kiddie play area\*\*, and lots of extra sinks. > > . Ahh, Walmart is run by Pedos! They just gave their fellow Pedos a new place to lurk! ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/87 "2009-08-14T16:16:21Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > How’s that any different from waiting outside the women’s room while your wife or SO is in there? Lord knows I’ve done that plenty of times during my married life, but never gotten the beady eye from security anywhere. Really? You accompany your wife to the bathroom even if you have no need to use it? If I’m somewhere with my wife and she has to go to the bathroom, we generally come up with a plan where I stay in a known place, like the seat I’m already sitting in at the movies, or the section of the store we’re already shopping in, while my wife goes to the bathroom by herself. Same thing if I’m the one going. But if my daughter(s) have to go, I generally bring them to the bathroom, and wait around near the door so they don’t have to find me when they’re done. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/88 "2009-08-14T16:19:36Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Probably not many as they all take time to cut and dye the kid’s hair first. > > Obviously, we need to look out for hairdressers. 😃 If and when I color my hair again, I want some of the stuff those kidnappers use. They manage to change the kid’s hair color in a few minutes, with no lingering smell. While the stuff my hairdresser used had to sit on my hair for 30 minutes, and smelled. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/89 "2009-08-14T16:28:38Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Edit: tracking down [the incident you’re talking about](http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article2563189.ece), we learn something horrifying but relevant: > > In other words, he wasn’t lurking in a bathroom waiting for a victim (which would be extremely hazardous, given the chance that someone else might come in), but rather dragged her into an empty bathroom. This incident doesn’t justify the measures described in this thread. [hijack] According to that article, the British refer to police lineups as “identification parades.” Sounds like the worst parade ever. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/90 "2009-08-14T16:35:03Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Really? You accompany your wife to the bathroom even if you have no need to use it? Well, to the area outside the bathroom, anyway, because that’s where we already are when she sees sign pointing to the bathroom and asks if I mind if she ducks in. Say this happens in a shopping mall. Unless there was a specific store I wanted to visit that was in sight from the sign pointing to the restrooms, it would take more time than it’s worth to come up with a place somewhere else where she should join me. And it’s not like she’s going to be in there that long anyway, so it’s easier to just wait. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/91 "2009-08-14T16:37:47Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Really? You accompany your wife to the bathroom even if you have no need to use it? If I’m somewhere with my wife and she has to go to the bathroom, we generally come up with a plan where I stay in a known place, like the seat I’m already sitting in at the movies, or the section of the store we’re already shopping in, while my wife goes to the bathroom by herself. I’m usually waiting outside when we both go and I’m faster. I’ve never gotten dirty looks, though. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/92 "2009-08-14T16:41:34Z")
I think it’s pretty normal to see men waiting for their wives or daughters outside womens’ rooms. I’ve never gotten a dirty look. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/93 "2009-08-14T16:54:28Z")
My mom brought me into the ladies room at her equivalent of the Y when I was c. 2-4. I still clearly remember the bushes and boobs. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/94 "2009-08-14T16:55:59Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > I’m usually waiting outside when we both go and I’m faster. I’ve never gotten dirty looks, though. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think it’s pretty normal to see men waiting for their wives or daughters outside womens’ rooms. I’ve never gotten a dirty look. Hmm - maybe I should stop wearing a trenchcoat over shorts when I go out with my daughters then. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/95 "2009-08-14T17:03:09Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Hmm - maybe I should stop wearing a trenchcoat over shorts when I go out with my daughters then. Keep the trenchcoat, skip the shorts, it’s the shorts that’ll slow you down. Just sayin’. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/96 "2009-08-14T17:38:32Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > In Western Australia a couple of years ago, an 8 yr old girl using the toilets by herself in a shopping mall (she was at the mall with her uncle) was pulled into the handicapped toilet (a single room on its own), molested and killed. The whole thing took ten minutes. It is hard to shrug off something like that, even though you know it’s a 1 in a million occurrence. If her uncle had been hovering outside the ladies’ to collect her, the guy who grabbed her wouldn’t have had the opportunity. How willing are you as a parent to play the odds with your child’s life? It’s far more likely to be her uncle than a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/97 "2009-08-14T17:55:27Z")
I only step into a public men’s room if my need is urgent. A woman telling me I can’t enter because her child is in there had better have a huge purse, as I’ll assume I can piss/shit in it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/98 "2009-08-14T18:39:19Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I only step into a public men’s room if my need is urgent. A woman telling me I can’t enter because her child is in there had better have a huge purse, as I’ll assume I can piss/shit in it. 😉 You can communicate your need by having the proper cellphone ringtone: _You say it’s urgent, make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent, gotta rush, make it urgent…Want it quick Urgent, urgent, emergency…Urgent, urgent, emergency… Urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, emergency Urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, emergency, so urgent, emergency Emer-(ooh-oooh) emer-(ooh-oooh) emer-(ooh-oooh) It’s urgent So urgent…_ She’ll clear out of your way in a hurry. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/99 "2009-08-14T18:43:45Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > I understand not wanting to send him into the restroom alone (sort of), but he’s 7 - why do you need to see what he’s “doing” in the stall? I could understand if he were a little kid who might need help using the toilet, but wouldn’t it be sufficient to stand outside the stall and give him some breathing room? I usually do let him stay outside the stall in most cases. I just want to make sure he’s not peeping. Not that he tries. **supergoose** covered some of the other reasons why a mom might want to keep tabs on her kid in a restroom, but of course my perfect child would never be a nuisance! 😛 > [@Risha](#): > > Hey, no dissing Mapplethorpe! I, like most people, only knew him as the pervert photographer from the news, until I randomly picked up a book of his work at an art library I worked at. Dude is BRILLIANT. Yep. We need a Mapplethorpe thread. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/100 "2009-08-14T18:51:22Z")
I laughed at the OP and then read some of it to a coworker. She’s now furious at me for thinking it was funny. She’s “not going to take risks just because people like [me] are ridiculing [her].” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=6)