# Mamas, don't follow your babies into the men's room **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294 "2009-08-13T15:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/101 "2009-08-14T19:07:38Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I only step into a public men’s room if my need is urgent. A woman telling me I can’t enter because her child is in there had better have a huge purse, as I’ll assume I can piss/shit in it. 😉 Naw… Just ask her if her kid wants a “mud bath and a shower” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/102 "2009-08-14T19:28:59Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It’s far more likely to be her uncle than a stranger. Of course it is. However, that does not mean that children are \*\*never \*\*kidnapped or assaulted by strangers, or that you should not take \*\*basic \*\*precautions against such. Having a password so your kids know what stranger is safe to go with? Sensible. Insisting on being in the same bathroom as your opposite-sex post-toddler? Silly. I’m far more likely to die from cancer than a car crash–but I’m still going to wear my seatbelt. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/103 "2009-08-14T19:32:36Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Of course it is. However, that does not mean that children are \*\*never \*\*kidnapped or assaulted by strangers, or that you should not take \*\*basic \*\*precautions against such. Having a password so your kids know what stranger is safe to go with? Well, as someone ( **Left Hand**?) posted above, most schools make you clear it with them beforehand. Anyway, the password thing seems silly. If you were going to get picked up by someone, wouldn’t you have met the stranger already? It’s not like your mom’s going to choose some random dude who you’ve never met before to pick you up. It would probably be a neighbor or a relative, no? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/104 "2009-08-14T19:36:49Z")
The password thing is completely ridiculous. Either the kid is getting picked up by someone they’re familiar with, in which case a password is unnecessary, or Mom/Dad is going to call the school or babysitter and let them know there’s a problem. So all the kid needs to know is, if some unfamiliar dude says that he was sent by Mom and Dad to pick you up, you say, sorry, Charlie, and don’t go. No sekrit passwords necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/105 "2009-08-14T19:41:58Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, as someone ( **Left Hand**?) posted above, most schools make you clear it with them beforehand. Anyway, the password thing seems silly. If you were going to get picked up by someone, wouldn’t you have met the stranger already? It’s not like your mom’s going to choose some random dude who you’ve never met before to pick you up. It would probably be a neighbor or a relative, no? > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > The password thing is completely ridiculous. Either the kid is getting picked up by someone they’re familiar with, in which case a password is unnecessary, or Mom/Dad is going to call the school or babysitter and let them know there’s a problem. So all the kid needs to know is, if some unfamiliar dude says that he was sent by Mom and Dad to pick you up, you say, sorry, Charlie, and don’t go. No sekrit passwords necessary. Apparently both of you missed my post earlier in the thread, so I’ll repeat the jist of it. Our family password wasn’t for if someone was going to be picking us up from school, etc. It was for a very-unlikely-but-not-unthinkable circumstance such as Mom running into the store to grab a gallon of milk, slipping and breaking her leg, and needing to send someone out to get us from the car where we were waiting. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/106 "2009-08-14T20:20:51Z")
I gotta say, I really don’t care how rare you think it is. One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys. [One cite there are many others](http://72.32.142.202/blog/sex-offenders/child-molestation-statistics/) Thank goodness I can use the same bathroom as Celtling, but I’ll be d\*\*\*ed if she’s going by herself any time soon. And if I couldn’t go in with her for some reason, I’d be guarding the door, and God HELP you if you tried to push past me. Think what you want; it’s not gonna be my kid, not if I can help it. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/107 "2009-08-14T20:24:42Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I gotta say, I really don’t care how rare you think it is. One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys. [One cite there are many others](http://72.32.142.202/blog/sex-offenders/child-molestation-statistics/) > > Thank goodness I can use the same bathroom as Celtling, but I’ll be d\*\*\*ed if she’s going by herself any time soon. And if I couldn’t go in with her for some reason, I’d be guarding the door, and God HELP you if you tried to push past me. > > Think what you want; it’s not gonna be my kid, not if I can help it. But most of those girls who are molested are molested by people they know, not strangers in the bathroom. And I’m sure a fair percentage of those “molestations” include things like statutory rape since we’re including any molestation under age eighteen. Anyway, you’re allowed to do what you want to protect your kid–but you can’t control what others do (well, other than making sure they don’t physically touch your kid). It’s not your place to say who can and can’t go in the bathroom. If you had a son, you’d have no right to not let any other man go in the bathroom just because he’s in there. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/108 "2009-08-14T20:37:17Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Apparently both of you missed my post earlier in the thread, so I’ll repeat the jist of it. Our family password wasn’t for if someone was going to be picking us up from school, etc. It was for a very-unlikely-but-not-unthinkable circumstance such as Mom running into the store to grab a gallon of milk, slipping and breaking her leg, and needing to send someone out to get us from the car where we were waiting. Well, presumably if Mom broke her leg, the EMTs and/or police would be on the scene fairly quickly. So, OK, you amend it to, “Kids, don’t go with anyone who you either don’t know or who isn’t wearing a police uniform.” Granted, the kids are then perhaps susceptible to the rash of child abductors who wear police uniforms, but I think the risk is minimal. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/109 "2009-08-14T21:25:55Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Well, presumably if Mom broke her leg, the EMTs and/or police would be on the scene fairly quickly. So, OK, you amend it to, “Kids, don’t go with anyone who you either don’t know or who isn’t wearing a police uniform.” Granted, the kids are then perhaps susceptible to the rash of child abductors who wear police uniforms, but I think the risk is minimal. But meanwhile, we’d be sitting in the car, waiting, getting worried, only to see an ambulance pull up. Isn’t it much easier to be able to say, “Could someone please bring my kids in from the car? Be sure to tell them that the password is XYZ.” Having a contingency plan isn’t stupid, it’s common sense. All parents should encourage their children never to go with strangers, but it is not outside the realm of possibility that someone, at some point, may need to ask a stranger, or someone known to them who the kids have never met, to collect their children, in which case you need some way of identifying “safe” strangers to the kids. You can bet your ass if I ever have kids, we’ll have a password. Oh, and as a side note: How do schools monitor whether or not “authorized” people are picking up the students? When I was a kid (born in '83), everybody just poured out the doors. Nobody was walking around with a clipboard saying, “Heeeeey, you’re not Child X’s parent!” (Which worked just fine–I’m not saying it led to a rash of kidnapping or anything.) Or are people talking about people authorized to come take the kid out of class in the middle of the school day? If that were to happen when I was a kid, Mom wouldn’t have needed to use the password anyway, since she could have just called the school. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/110 "2009-08-14T22:05:52Z")
What parent paranoid enough to make sure their kids have a password in case of an emergency broken leg leaves the kids alone in a car anymore? That’s, like, police-notifying, 6 o’clock newsworthy, could have suffocated/died of heatstroke on a 55-degree day/been kidnapped/put the car in reverse and rolled into traffic the instant you stepped inside the 7-11 door, lock-mom-up-and-throw-away-the-key level transgression these days. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/111 "2009-08-14T22:05:59Z")
Certain things are more frightening than others even though the actual likelihood of them happening is lower. One is statistically more likely to be killed driving to the beach to swim, than to be eaten by a shark; but for many people the latter is more frightening, because being eaten by a shark plays into some rather primal fears. For a parent, having one’s child abducted by a predatory pedophile is about the worst primal fear one could have; like being eaten by a shark for someone afraid of the deep, only times one hundred. This leads some to go overboard with the paranoia, even though actual chances of a stranger abduction are quite small. The thing is, a person afraid of the deep water need not go swimming, whereas a parent afraid of stranger abduction must, unless they wish to really disrupt their lives, take their child into situations where it is possible. As a parent I can understand why some go overboard, while recognizing that it is excessive and counter-productive. ---
**Author:** ![SmashTheState](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@SmashTheState](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmashTheState)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/112 "2009-08-14T22:28:17Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > As a parent I can understand why some go overboard, while recognizing that it is excessive and counter-productive. You speak as if obsessive parental overprotection is some sort of hardcoded genetic truism. It’s not. It is entirely socialized. In the not too distant past, it was customary in many cultures to wait a few years before naming a child, since the mortality rate for children was so high that it usually took a few tries before one survived. A child before naming wasn’t considered fully human. In many places where food was scarce in the winter, a child born in the wrong season would be left in the forest to die of exposure or for the animals to eat, since it’s unlikely it would survive the winter anyway and there’s no point in wasting food on it. The bizarre and frankly disturbing obsessiveness with “protecting” children from sexuality is itself the result of twisted and repressed sexuality emerging from modern Puritanism. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/113 "2009-08-14T22:57:37Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > But meanwhile, we’d be sitting in the car, waiting, getting worried, only to see an ambulance pull up. Isn’t it much easier to be able to say, “Could someone please bring my kids in from the car? Be sure to tell them that the password is XYZ.” So there your mom is, with a broken leg, and what she doesn’t know is SHE JUST GAVE THE PASSWORD TO CHESTER THE MOLESTER! It’s Chester’s lucky daaaaay! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/114 "2009-08-14T23:05:24Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > What parent paranoid enough to make sure their kids have a password in case of an emergency broken leg leaves the kids alone in a car anymore? That’s, like, police-notifying, 6 o’clock newsworthy, could have suffocated/died of heatstroke on a 55-degree day/been kidnapped/put the car in reverse and rolled into traffic the instant you stepped inside the 7-11 door, lock-mom-up-and-throw-away-the-key level transgression these days. Yeah, that was my thought. I get that people sometimes leave their kids in the car, and that they used to do it more often, but if you’re paranoid enough for the password, wouldn’t you NEVER EVER leave your kids in the car? not even once? How many people really did the password thing anyway? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/115 "2009-08-14T23:09:44Z")
My mom would have looked at all six of us and said, “Eh, nobody would want you.” 😃 Then again, I was born in the risk-taking 70s. The things my parents let us do would shock the hell out of new parents. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/116 "2009-08-14T23:42:10Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I gotta say, I really don’t care how rare you think it is. One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys. [One cite there are many others](http://72.32.142.202/blog/sex-offenders/child-molestation-statistics/) That’s pretty thin for a cite. It’s more like a site that informs us that “the statistics say…” which means nothing to me. Whose statistics? Who conducted the study? Was it peer reviewed? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/117 "2009-08-14T23:43:02Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I gotta say, I really don’t care how rare you think it is. One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys. [One cite there are many others](http://72.32.142.202/blog/sex-offenders/child-molestation-statistics/) > > Thank goodness I can use the same bathroom as Celtling, but I’ll be d\*\*\*ed if she’s going by herself any time soon. And if I couldn’t go in with her for some reason, I’d be guarding the door, and God HELP you if you tried to push past me. > > Think what you want; it’s not gonna be my kid, not if I can help it. You wanna know something _really_ scary? Over 98% of child molesters are humans! So make sure that your poor child doesn’t have any contact with _that_ scummy lot! ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/118 "2009-08-14T23:47:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Yeah, that was my thought. I get that people sometimes leave their kids in the car, and that they used to do it more often, but if you’re paranoid enough for the password, wouldn’t you NEVER EVER leave your kids in the car? not even once? How many people really did the password thing anyway? Ironically enough, my family did that. It was something of a family joke; as in, c’mon really, it’s never going to friggin’ happen, but just in case if it ever _did_, this is the password. I blame Adam Walsh. Really, isn’t that where most of the paranoia started? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/119 "2009-08-15T00:29:36Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > In Western Australia a couple of years ago, an 8 yr old girl using the toilets by herself in a shopping mall (she was at the mall with her uncle) was pulled into the handicapped toilet (a single room on its own), molested and killed. The whole thing took ten minutes. It is hard to shrug off something like that, even though you know it’s a 1 in a million occurrence. If her uncle had been hovering outside the ladies’ to collect her, the guy who grabbed her wouldn’t have had the opportunity. How willing are you as a parent to play the odds with your child’s life? Hell, even as an adult, I stand the chance of being grabbed, dragged somewhere and raped and killed … wait, actually I was grabbed and dragged into some woods and raped …:smack: though it was way back in the very early 80s when I was a young coed … Although I do admit that as a handicapped person, I am a great target for a repeat at some point in time, on crutches or in my chair I really cant get away too well. I think that there is too much emphasis on stranger danger, it seems to be aquaintances that do the abusing on many kids. What do you desire? You desire what you see … ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/120 "2009-08-15T00:29:40Z")
> [@SmashTheState](#): > > A child before naming wasn’t considered fully human. In many places where food was scarce in the winter, a child born in the wrong season would be left in the forest to die of exposure or for the animals to eat, since it’s unlikely it would survive the winter anyway and there’s no point in wasting food on it. Cite? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=7)