# Mamas, don't follow your babies into the men's room **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294 "2009-08-13T15:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/141 "2009-08-15T04:31:56Z")
A while back my boss was complaining about the lack of changing tables in mens rooms, forcing him to do some awkward bathroom stall balanced-on-knees diaper changing with his 8 month old daughter. Coworker just about had a heart attack over the horrors of him taking her _into the mens room_. ---
**Author:** ![supergoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@supergoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supergoose)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/142 "2009-08-15T04:41:21Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > A while back my boss was complaining about the lack of changing tables in mens rooms, forcing him to do some awkward bathroom stall balanced-on-knees diaper changing with his 8 month old daughter. Coworker just about had a heart attack over the horrors of him taking her _into the mens room_. Was the coworker male or female? If female (as I suspect), you should have asked her if she’d prefer that he go into the women’s room instead, or perhaps changed her out in the hall? ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/143 "2009-08-15T05:07:44Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > I’ve never seen a men’s restroom with a couch. Nuff said. Couches in women’s restrooms are there primarily for mothers who want some privacy to breastfeed, but don’t want to sit in a stall. Not that there’s anything wrong with choosing to breastfeed wherever you happen to be, but some women are uncomfortable with that - and the process can take a while, so it’s nice to have a comfortable place to sit while you do it. (And a place for your older children to sit and be bored while you nurse their sib.) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/144 "2009-08-15T05:10:26Z")
I’ve never seen a women’s room with a couch and I’m a woman. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/145 "2009-08-15T05:18:33Z")
You know what happens when you let kindergarten-aged boys use the public bathroom alone? They waltz up the urinal, pull their pants and underwear all the way down and stand bare-assed while half of their piss ends up on the floor, and generally make complete fools of themselves. However, since 99.7% of men are normal, well-adjusted adults, and since many of us either have kids or associate with kids on some level, none of us end up going into some sort of pedophilia-induced blackout. We roll our eyes and do our business. Some of us might even keep an eye on him just to make sure he’s not doing anything too outrageously stupid, like washing his hands in the toilet. Imagine that, total strangers actually being compassionate human beings. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/146 "2009-08-15T05:43:02Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > [bolding mine] Not exactly a strong statement – and what are Tatar’s sources? > ETA: Plus the second bolded statement refers to the death of the parents, not the abandonment of the children. Really? I didn’t see any mention of the death of the parents. **Deeds** of the parents, yes. :dubious: Aren’t the parents in that story alive and well? Ah [yes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hansel_and_Gretel). Of course, I know Wikipedia’s a pretty thin cite too… ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/147 "2009-08-15T09:15:23Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > We’re talking, what, three minutes here? I’m certain you’ll survive the wait. > > What do you do when there’s a line, beat up everyone in front of you? What if the janitor has it blocked off, do you knee-crotch him and charge on in? > > Please! Speaking as another cripple, I will either go in the men’s room or yes, I will go in the women’s room despite the janitor’s protests if he’s just cleaning it. If the toilet is unflushable, or something similar, well, that’s different, but I would rather have a male in the women’s room while I’m using it than to wet or soil myself. Sometimes people have nerve damage and really have problems controlling their bladders…and bowels. We don’t always get a few minutes’ warning, we sometimes get the signal that we need to get to a restroom NOW. Sure, we’ll survive wetting or soiling ourselves, but we are going to do our best to avoid that. I, for one, have quit going to certain places that have inconvenient restrooms, ones that I’m not sure I can reach in time. Don’t put another roadblock in our attempts to get out among people and have as normal a life as we can. Your child will survive having another person in the restroom, unless it’s a single-user room. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/148 "2009-08-15T10:56:11Z")
> [@supergoose](#): > > Was the coworker male or female? If female (as I suspect), you should have asked her if she’d prefer that he go into the women’s room instead, or perhaps changed her out in the hall? Female. She said “mens room” the same way you’d say “strip club” or perhaps “crack house” in that context. He did ask where she preferred he changed her. She replied that Mom should take her to the ladies room. The idea that he would be out in public with his baby without a woman was beyond her comprehension. (I later developed a truer understanding and sympathy for him the next time I was in a no-changing-table ladies room with my best friend, her baby, and a poopsplosion. That actually took a third friend and all of us in the handicapped stall to handle) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/149 "2009-08-15T11:26:20Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > We’re talking, what, three minutes here? I’m certain you’ll survive the wait. > > What do you do when there’s a line, beat up everyone in front of you? What if the janitor has it blocked off, do you knee-crotch him and charge on in? > > Please! No _true_ Celt would ever interfere with someone’s right to use a public facility. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/150 "2009-08-15T11:35:10Z")
If you’re the parent waiting outside the restroom for a kid, how does a man know you’re not some psychopath just waiting there to kidnap the kid when he comes out? Why should the default deference go to the person apparently stalking the bathroom, rather than the guy who needs to pee? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/151 "2009-08-15T11:54:06Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > We’re talking, what, three minutes here? I’m certain you’ll survive the wait. > > What do you do when there’s a line, beat up everyone in front of you? What if the janitor has it blocked off, do you knee-crotch him and charge on in? > > Please! I will patiently wait in a line, though most people seeing a gimp will actually let me nip into the handicapped stall through politeness. I will also let little kids get in line ahead of me if it is really full because small kids NEED TO GO NOW when they need to go. however, do NOT prevent me from going into a bathroom that is legitemately a multistall just because your precious little princess is in there. I really doubt a fairly fragile woman on crutches is able to kidnap a healthy kid :dubious: And as to the janitor cleaning, stop being a fucking idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/152 "2009-08-15T13:00:17Z")
**Trucelt** , you really need a reality check here if this is how you’re raising your kid. You’re imparting to her a completely unrealistic fear of one particularly small aspect of the world (molestations that happen by strangers in public places), and you’re almost certainly not protecting her, thereby, from any real danger. You’re also teaching her to disregard the needs of other people. It’s a lousy way to raise a kid. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/153 "2009-08-15T13:08:52Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Really? I didn’t see any mention of the death of the parents. **Deeds** of the parents, yes. :dubious: > > Aren’t the parents in that story alive and well? Ah [yes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hansel_and_Gretel). Of course, I know Wikipedia’s a pretty thin cite too… You’re right that I misread the quoted sentence – I’ll withdraw that objection. From your wiki cite: > [@](#): > > Abandoning children in the woods to die or fend for themselves because of famine, war, plague or other reasons, **was not unknown** , in particular during the crisis of the Late Middle Ages. Again, “not unknown” isn’t exactly the same as “was widespread practice,” which is what **SmashTheState** seemed to imply: > [@SmashTheState](#): > > You speak as if obsessive parental overprotection is some sort of hardcoded genetic truism. It’s not. It is entirely socialized. … \*\*In many places \*\*where food was scarce in the winter, a child born in the wrong season would be left in the forest to die of exposure or for the animals to eat, since it’s unlikely it would survive the winter anyway and there’s no point in wasting food on it. Y’all are coming up with a couple of cites of “not unknown,” specifically with regard to a fairy tale – I’d like some indication that it was common (at that time in that place) or widespread (examples from other places or historic periods), because otherwise that leg of \*\*STS’\*\*s argument is really weak. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/154 "2009-08-15T13:23:50Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Hell, even as an adult, I stand the chance of being grabbed, dragged somewhere and raped and killed … wait, actually I was grabbed and dragged into some woods and raped …:smack: though it was way back in the very early 80s when I was a young coed … I think that is my actually issue with this. I hang on a site for Disney fans, and parents there can really be off the deep end - including someone talking about taking their ten year old son (who looks older) into the ladies room with them. People who won’t let their fifteen or sixteen year olds spend an evening in the hotel room by themselves while mom and dad go to dinner. These are, they tell us, not special needs kids, and their parents also assure us that their kids are responsible kids - it isn’t that they are worried about their kids misbehaving - they are worried about the boogieman. (And this is Disney - there isn’t a bathroom in Disney where your chances of being in there the whole time without other people around aren’t near zero - and most of the other people are families). They really don’t seem to realize that eventually, apron strings need to be cut. That a kid who hasn’t ever been unsupervised at 16 probably isn’t going to be ready to enter the world as an independent adult in two years - or three years. And that the dangers don’t suddenly disappear when you can no longer control them - but you haven’t given them the tools for being streetwise because instead, you’ve just hovered. (And I’m not trying to imply that your rape had anything to do with you not being streetwise - just using that as a jumping off point to 'the danger doesn’t magically dissipate with adulthood. My rape did have something to do with me being naive. Not that it was my fault, but more street smarts would have kept me out of the situation to start with.) ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/155 "2009-08-15T13:30:27Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Again, “not unknown” isn’t exactly the same as “was widespread practice,” which is what **SmashTheState** seemed to imply. It’s a simple rule folks: If **SmashTheState** posts it, it’s delusional, paranoid, bullshit. Learn to trust the rule and you’ll be much happier, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/156 "2009-08-15T14:37:30Z")
When I was a wee lad, I was sent in the men’s room alone quite often. The sight of all those gigantic manly tools had quite the impression on me. I’ve suffered from feelings of inadequacy ever since that have crippled my attempts to lead a normal healthy life. Think of the little (heh)children people ! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/157 "2009-08-15T15:28:51Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **Trucelt** , you really need a reality check here if this is how you’re raising your kid. You’re imparting to her a completely unrealistic fear of one particularly small aspect of the world (molestations that happen by strangers in public places), and you’re almost certainly not protecting her, thereby, from any real danger. You’re also teaching her to disregard the needs of other people. It’s a lousy way to raise a kid. Indeed. I’ve posted about this before but one of my relatives once told my mother that she’d never leave a child of hers alone with a man. Even if the man was the kid’s own father because there’s just too much danger of molestation. (Said relation doesn’t have kids, thankfully.) Just think how afraid of men that (hypothetical) kid would grow up. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/158 "2009-08-15T17:51:32Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > (And I’m not trying to imply that your rape had anything to do with you not being streetwise - just using that as a jumping off point to 'the danger doesn’t magically dissipate with adulthood. My rape did have something to do with me being naive. Not that it was my fault, but more street smarts would have kept me out of the situation to start with.) Not a problem, it happened and I dealt with it 🙂 Violence happens, rapes happen for a number of reasons [sounds like yours was a variant of date rape or situational rape?] What actually bothers me, was really all the people trying earnestly to tell me it wasnt my fault. Repeatedly for weeks and weeks and weeks. I got it the first time … just eternally trying to reassure me started to make me wonder if it was my fault… then I told them all to leave me the hell alone. They caught the guy, we charged him, and he spent quality time in jail. Danger _is_ all around us, and we need to grow up and learn to recognize it for ourselves. Being hovered over and over protected is harmful for the kids. They grow up paranoid, not just reasonably observant. I fear for their kids … will they be afraid to leave the house? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/159 "2009-08-15T18:54:27Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Indeed. I’ve posted about this before but one of my relatives once told my mother that she’d never leave a child of hers alone with a man. Even if the man was the kid’s own father because there’s just too much danger of molestation. (Said relation doesn’t have kids, thankfully.) Just think how afraid of men that (hypothetical) kid would grow up. As a male teacher, attitudes like this burn me up. It’s the sort of sexism against men that actually matters: if a person with this attitude ended up in any sort of supervisory role over me, my livelihood would be in danger, because of a pernicious bigotry. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/160 "2009-08-15T19:06:34Z")
> [@Turek](#): > > It’s a simple rule folks: If **SmashTheState** posts it, it’s delusional, paranoid, bullshit. Learn to trust the rule and you’ll be much happier, I promise. I’m naive enough to believe that people can learn to think critically. If they want to, of course. That may be the sticking point here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=9)