# Mamas, don't follow your babies into the men's room **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294 "2009-08-13T15:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/161 "2009-08-15T19:08:05Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > As a male teacher, attitudes like this burn me up. It’s the sort of sexism against men that actually matters: if a person with this attitude ended up in any sort of supervisory role over me, my livelihood would be in danger, because of a **pernicious** bigotry. you mispelled penisicious 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/162 "2009-08-15T19:24:50Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > The password thing is completely ridiculous. Either the kid is getting picked up by someone they’re familiar with, in which case a password is unnecessary, or Mom/Dad is going to call the school or babysitter and let them know there’s a problem. So all the kid needs to know is, if some unfamiliar dude says that he was sent by Mom and Dad to pick you up, you say, sorry, Charlie, and don’t go. No sekrit passwords necessary. In one of those true-crime shows I saw the case of kid that was kidnapped and murdered after being picked up from school by someone to whom the father had mentioned the password deal. This was the father’s new wife, not a stranger. > [@TruCelt](#): > > I gotta say, I really don’t care how rare you think it is. One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys. [One cite there are many others](http://72.32.142.202/blog/sex-offenders/child-molestation-statistics/) Where the hell do you people live?! I am a fairly careful parent, but I am glad I am nowhere near that level of paranoia. It cannot be good for anyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/163 "2009-08-15T19:53:45Z")
According to [this paper](http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/saycrle.htm) from the Department of Justice (which is far, far more explicit about its numbers, methodology, and so forth than the few unattributed sentences in the blog **TruCelt** linked to), “Nearly 5 of every 6 sexual assaults of young juveniles occurred in a residence.”, and “Rarely were the offenders of young juvenile victims strangers. Strangers were the offenders in just 3% of sexual assaults against victims under age 6 and 5% of the sexual assault victimizations of youth ages 6 through 11.” So… yeah. Even if child molestation really were as common as posited (which I will need to see stronger cites on before dropping my dubiousness), it isn’t because of a rash of strangers snatching kids from bathrooms. Like, at all. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/164 "2009-08-15T20:00:25Z")
To clarify: When I say “Even if child molestation really were as common as posited”, I am of course referring to the “One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys” factoid previously mentioned, not to anything in the presumably trustworthy DoJ findings I just linked to. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/165 "2009-08-15T20:05:17Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > . Strangers were the offenders in just 3% of sexual assaults against victims under age 6 and 5% of the sexual assault victimizations of youth ages 6 through 11." > > . So, the rational thing to do is live in/near public restrooms and only visit home/relatives for supplies/money for as short a time as possible (and then only under strict adult supervision and hyperawareness). ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/166 "2009-08-15T20:56:06Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > To clarify: When I say “Even if child molestation really were as common as posited”, I am of course referring to the “One out of every 3 girls is molested by the time she’s 18, and one out of every 6 boys” factoid previously mentioned, not to anything in the presumably trustworthy DoJ findings I just linked to. Those factiods often depend upon a strained interpretation of “molested” including- in one site I saw- common horseplay between children where the buttocks were grabbed, hit or touched.:dubious: Based upon that, **I** was molested.:rolleyes: Mostly in football… But you are right. It’s not the stranger danger- it’s kind old Uncle Henry, _the dude who the mom is asking to escort her precious._ ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/167 "2009-08-15T21:10:21Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > As a male teacher, attitudes like this burn me up. It’s the sort of sexism against men that actually matters: if a person with this attitude ended up in any sort of supervisory role over me, my livelihood would be in danger, because of a pernicious bigotry. We have a friend in the SCA who has refused to participate in kid activities for about 7 years now … he is afraid of being arrested as a pedophile, which is a damn shame because he and his wife had tried for years to have a baby, and he just likes teaching kids how to do neat medieval games. Is it going to come to a time when they refuse to allow men to become teachers? That will seriously fucking suck, some of my best teachers were men:( ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/168 "2009-08-15T22:32:31Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > We have a friend in the SCA who has refused to participate in kid activities for about 7 years now … he is afraid of being arrested as a pedophile, which is a damn shame because he and his wife had tried for years to have a baby, and he just likes teaching kids how to do neat medieval games. > > Is it going to come to a time when they refuse to allow men to become teachers? That will seriously fucking suck, some of my best teachers were men:( To be fair, I think attitudes like **Freudian’s** friend’s are a minority. I’ve never had a parent express any concern about their kid being with a male teacher–indeed, I know at least two kids I’ll have next year because the parents specifically asked for a male teacher. Your friend in the SCA is, I think, overestimating the danger in much the same way that **TruCelt** is doing. If he takes some very rudimentary precautions–sets up the activities very clearly (not just wandering alone into the children’s area interjecting himself into activities), isn’t alone with individual children, outsources delicate jobs like dealing with bathroom accidents, etc.–he’d almost certainly be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/169 "2009-08-15T22:46:19Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > So, the rational thing to do is live in/near public restrooms and only visit home/relatives for supplies/money for as short a time as possible (and then only under strict adult supervision and hyperawareness). Or make the kids go live out on their own, with the Mongols. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/170 "2009-08-15T23:27:36Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > If he takes some very rudimentary precautions–sets up the activities very clearly (not just wandering alone into the children’s area interjecting himself into activities), isn’t alone with individual children, outsources delicate jobs like dealing with bathroom accidents, etc.–he’d almost certainly be fine. Which just points out the disgusting state of affairs, that he would have to go to even THOSE lengths just to protect himself from being in a situation where he could be accused. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/171 "2009-08-15T23:32:48Z")
I’m not trying to be a smart ass (I don’t HAVE to try), I lok at the title of the thread, and I keep thinking Willy Nelson. Mama don’t let your babies… ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/172 "2009-08-15T23:42:04Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > I’m not trying to be a smart ass (I don’t HAVE to try), I lok at the title of the thread, and I keep thinking Willy Nelson. > > Mama don’t let your babies… You’re not the only one. I think it was deliberate. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2009, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/173 "2009-08-15T23:46:27Z")
I hear the title sung by Willie, too. I’ll admit I’m not a parent, so I wasn’t aware the biggest problem with kids going into public restrooms alone was a fear of molestation. I just assumed it was about whether the kid was old enough to do his/her business without peeing on thier shoes, not washing their hands, stopping up the toilet, forgetting what they were about and spending 15 minutes playing with the hand dryer, etc. Which is what my husband though, too. Is this mostly a mom fear or do fathers also think there’s molesters lurking in the mens room? I wonder if many women picture all mens rooms as dank, dark, filthy places fully of glory holes and unwashed homeless people\*. Like men picture ladies rooms contain chaise lounges and servants feeding you grapes. \*Like the bathrooms of both sexes at Penn Station. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/174 "2009-08-16T00:12:30Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > I wonder if many women picture all mens rooms as dank, dark, filthy places fully of glory holes and unwashed homeless people\*. Like men picture ladies rooms contain chaise lounges and servants feeding you grapes. > > \*Like the bathrooms of both sexes at Penn Station. No glory holes; believe me, I’ve looked.\* ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/175 "2009-08-16T00:38:19Z")
This thread title has inspired me to do a remake of the old Waylon Jennings Willie Nelson hit, with this title and lyrics about child molesters. I think the country audience will love it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/176 "2009-08-16T00:48:24Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > This thread title has inspired me to do a remake of the old Waylon Jennings Willie Nelson hit, with this title and lyrics about child molesters. I think the country audience will love it. 😃 I think you could also do a great remake of “Seven Spanish Angels.” “Seven Child Molesters” She looked down into his brown eyes, and said “Try to go and pee.” He threw her arms around her, whispered “Someone will mo-lest me!” For there were seven child molesters there in the men’s room tonight. They were waiting for the children without a mom in sight. And when he came in and they saw him there was thunder from the throne! Oh, seven child molesters took another angel home. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/177 "2009-08-16T01:17:33Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **Trucelt** , you really need a reality check here if this is how you’re raising your kid. You’re imparting to her a completely unrealistic fear of one particularly small aspect of the world (molestations that happen by strangers in public places), and you’re almost certainly not protecting her, thereby, from any real danger. You’re also teaching her to disregard the needs of other people. It’s a lousy way to raise a kid. You have no idea what you are talking about. Please do not imagine that you have enough information to question my overall childrearing skills simply because we disagree on one point about my child’s right to privacy and safety. We were discussing the very narrow hypothetical case in which it was for some strange reason necessary for me to send the Celtling into a public bathroom which I could not enter. In that case, no other adult is going in there either until she’s finished. It’s not like I’m taking food from somebody’s mouth. In the case that a person with special needs stated an immediate need (whether nerve damage or diarrhea) I would probably just accompany them in. In the case that I was responding to above, where someone just rudely tried to push past me (or threatened to put a crutch somewhere unpleasant) I would certainly do whatever was necessary to keep the lunatic away from my two-year-old child. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/178 "2009-08-16T01:24:43Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > We were discussing the very narrow hypothetical case in which it was for some strange reason necessary for me to send the Celtling into a public bathroom which I could not enter. In that case, no other adult is going in there either until she’s finished. How would you prevent it? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/179 "2009-08-16T01:27:00Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > Now, for me, the really scary thing is the other 2%… The remaining two percent are sharks wearing police uniforms. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294/180 "2009-08-16T01:27:14Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > You have no idea what you are talking about. Please do not imagine that you have enough information to question my overall childrearing skills simply because we disagree on one point about my child’s right to privacy and safety. > > We were discussing the very narrow hypothetical case in which it was for some strange reason necessary for me to send the Celtling into a public bathroom which I could not enter. In that case, no other adult is going in there either until she’s finished. > > It’s not like I’m taking food from somebody’s mouth. > > In the case that a person with special needs stated an immediate need (whether nerve damage or diarrhea) I would probably just accompany them in. > > In the case that I was responding to above, where someone just rudely tried to push past me (or threatened to put a crutch somewhere unpleasant) I would certainly do whatever was necessary to keep the lunatic away from my two-year-old child. You sound like a crazy person here. There is no hypothetical situation in which you absolutely must send your child into a public bathroom that you cannot enter. Your kid is two. Take him (or her?) into the freaking bathroom with you. Nobody will bat their eyes twice at a 2-year-old, who is basically still a baby, in a public bathroom with its parent. The idea of physically blocking someone from getting into a public bathroom because my kid happens to be inside doing his business is just… it’s just crazy. I mean, seriously nutbar crazy. I have three kids, and have sometimes had to juggle bathroom trips out in public when I’m the only adult with them, and never, ever, never in a million years would it occur to me to actually physically block someone else from going into a bathroom my kid was in. If it’s that big a deal, the kid is coming into the other bathroom along with me. There is no situation in which one of the two following scenarios is not possible: 1, kid goes into bathroom with me, or 2, kid goes into bathroom alone and I stay cool and don’t pull any Chuck Norris moves on random passersby. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-dont-follow-your-babies-into-the-mens-room/506294.md?page=10)