# Mama's gonna buy you a ... (a game) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099 "2004-05-26T01:10:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/1 "2004-05-26T01:10:40Z")
:smack: :smack: Last night, as I was telling my dog to Hush (she likes to bark a lot), I found myself singing to myself: Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s gonna buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird don’t sing Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring don’t shine - At which point I realized two things. One is that I couldn’t remember any more verses. :smack: The other was that a diamond ring is not exactly an appropriate gift for a baby. So I started thinking - what kind of _really_ inappropriate things could we give this baby if we put our collective minds to it? So here’s the game. You come up with what Mama’s gonna buy, and a conditional for the next player. I’ll start off with a few examples, since I’ve had time to think about it. And if that diamond ring don’t shine Mama’s gonna buy you a jug of wine. And if that wine don’t get you drunk Mama’s gonna buy you a Pullman trunk. And if that Pullman trunk don’t roll Mama’s gonna buy you a barber’s pole. And if that barber’s pole don’t spin Mama’s gonna buy you - The only threads I’ve started before this have sunk like a stone, so PLEASE play along? ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/2 "2004-05-26T01:46:45Z")
For the record, it goes “And if that diamond ring turns brass, momma’s gonna buy you a looking-glass.” That said… And if that barber’s pole don’t spin, Mama’s gonna buy you Cheech Marin. And if that Cheech Marin gets stoned… ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/3 "2004-05-26T01:53:49Z")
_And if that Cheech Marin gets stoned…_ Mama’s going to buy you a ham that’s boned, and if that ham’s got too much fat… ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/4 "2004-05-26T02:01:32Z")
_and if that ham’s got too much fat_ Mama’s gonna buy you a derby hat. And if that derby hat don’t tip (thanks for the correction, **LeeshaJoy**!) ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/5 "2004-05-26T02:28:00Z")
_And if that derby hat don’t tip_ Mama’s gonna buy you a pirate ship And if that ship does not have loot… ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/6 "2004-05-26T02:30:00Z")
then momma’s gonna buy you a steel-toe boot. And if that shiny boot don’t kick ---
**Author:** ![OneYogini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b9e5f3/32.png) [@OneYogini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneYogini)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/7 "2004-05-26T02:55:07Z")
and if that shiny boot don’t kick momma’s gonna buy you a proper brick\* and if that brick then breaks your heart… \*Definitions of brick: noun: rectangular block of clay baked by the sun or in a kiln; used as a building or paving material; _noun: a good fellow; helpful and trustworthy_; adjective: paved with brick and if that shiny boot don’t kick mama’s gonna buy you a rubber dick and if that dick won’t make you cum That was really my first post… :o ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/8 "2004-05-26T03:00:17Z")
…then momma’s gonna use an astrological chart. And if that god damn chart talks shit ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/9 "2004-05-26T04:00:19Z")
mama’s gonna buy you a [crested tit](http://www.rspb.org.uk/birds/guide/c/crestedtit/index.asp), and if that crested tit don’t sing… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/10 "2004-05-26T04:04:30Z")
Mama’s gonna dance a highland fling. And if that highland fling gets flung… ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Kate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aca169/32.png) [@Lady\_Kate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Kate)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/11 "2004-05-26T04:08:07Z")
Mama’s gonna buy you an iron lung. And if that iron lung won’t breath… ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/12 "2004-05-26T04:14:38Z")
> [@Lady Kate](#): > > And if that iron lung won’t breath… (breathe) Momma’s gonna buy you a pair of false teeth And if that pair of false teeth don’t chew I used to do this all the time when I was a kid :D. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Kate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aca169/32.png) [@Lady\_Kate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Kate)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/13 "2004-05-26T04:19:10Z")
:smack: Thanks, **Cisco**. ---
**Author:** ![antechinus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@antechinus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antechinus)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/14 "2004-05-26T05:14:13Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > And if that pair of false teeth don’t chew Mammas gunna buy you a story book too, And if that story’s too purple…nah trite… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/15 "2004-05-26T05:18:02Z")
mama’s gonna buy you a bucket of poo and if that bucket stinks up the house ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/16 "2004-05-26T10:27:42Z")
Momma’s gonna take you a’shooting grouse. And if that shotgun recoils too hard… ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/17 "2004-05-26T10:31:24Z")
Mama’s gonna buy you a bucket of lard. And if that lard don’t make good pie… ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/18 "2004-05-26T10:33:02Z")
Then momma’s going to give you a poke in the eye. And you sream and holler and shout… ---
**Author:** ![cichlidiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f9b8f/32.png) [@cichlidiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cichlidiot)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/19 "2004-05-26T11:38:45Z")
Mama’s gonna buy you a can of grout, and if that can of grout won’t stick… ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099/20 "2004-05-26T11:44:06Z")
Mama’s gonna buy you a big fat tick. And if that big fat tick don’t suck… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mamas-gonna-buy-you-a-a-game/247099.md?page=2)