# Mammograms. I mean, mammodamns. Damnograms! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2006, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605 "2006-03-30T21:31:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/61 "2006-03-31T23:44:14Z")
I have a question: while you’re getting a mammogram, if you scream at the top of your lungs for them to stop, do they? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/62 "2006-04-01T00:38:47Z")
> [@romansperson](#): > > There is an ideal time. Try going as soon after your period is over as possible. That’s what I do, and it is much easier than waiting until later. I did that. Didn’t help. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/63 "2006-04-01T00:41:08Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > I have a question: while you’re getting a mammogram, if you scream at the top of your lungs for them to stop, do they? I don’t know if I had enough breath to be able to produce a scream…but it is a good question. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/64 "2006-04-01T08:28:09Z")
And the Google ads say: > [@Advertisements](#): > > Humor Writing Workshops > Work with a humor writing pro in acclaimed online workshops [www.writingclasses.com](http://www.writingclasses.com) Some kinda sense of humour Google’s got. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/65 "2006-04-01T09:23:37Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Believe me, I wouldn’t trade being a woman for anything, so there’s no hate or jealousy of men, but I do think women get the short end of the stick on health (and a lot of other) issues. “No hate or jealousy of men?” Not trying to be argumentative, but isn’t that really the thrust of your last post? Parsing it, the impression I get is that you (as the self-appointed representative of your gender) are overly inconvienced in our mutual great journey – to exist – given your annual common-era Western judeo-christian male-inflicted medical checkup? I mean christ, can you imagine what it like to be a woman 100,000 years ago? A man 100,000 years ago? Either 5,000 years ago? Come on! Arrested Development GoB Plug ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/66 "2006-04-01T11:14:26Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > All of the female examinations are humiliating and uncomfortable. I swear if men had to go through it they’d think of a better way. > > As a friend of mine says, “If men had periods, tampons would be free.” And that’s the honest truth. > > Anyone who thinks a finger up your butt is in any way equal to a gyno visit or a mammogram is sorely mistaken. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t even come close. How about a needle into your testicles, or a small camera shoved up the urethra of the penis? Ever have a lump in the testicles and have to go through an ultrasound? No? Then don’t play that game. I do not ascribe to the notion that men are at fault for the fact that we, women, have a vagina that needs examined. There are many women gynos now, are they part of the conspiracy too? Medical exams can really suck, we all face certain ones. My husband has faced some bad ones, so have I. Let us commisserate with our board peer here who had a bad experience at a mammogram and stop this gender war over who has it worse. ---
**Author:** ![Catsmeow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Catsmeow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catsmeow)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/67 "2006-04-01T19:37:50Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Women: > Put on a paper dress, completely naked except for socks > > Wait for doctor > > Put feet in stirrups, legs apart, while doctor uses a speculum to crank your vagina apart > > Attempt to lie still while doctor scrapes your cervix with a hard little brush > > Again, lie there while doctor puts fingers inside you with one hand and uses the other hand to push on your possibly sore internals > > Possibility of a finger up the butt—actually ok in comparison to the other stuff > > Still lying on back have doctor expose your breasts and then manually push around on them, lift your arm up, feel around, etc. > > All of this is going on while you still have KY dripping out of you from the speculum part of the exam. > > Then they hand you a Kleenex, leave you to get dressed, come back, vaguely try to help you with whatever trouble you are having, and send you on your way (possibly still confused and having trouble that isn’t getting resolved). > > **THIS IS ANNUALLY.** Annually? Hell…since October of last year I’ve had almost 30 of these. (I’m dealing with uterine cancer…but still!) Number 30 is in 2 weeks. So not looking forward to it. And you’d think I’d be used to it by now. It’s getting to the point that I feel like I have to put my legs up just to go to the grocery store. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/68 "2006-04-01T19:49:04Z")
Pap smears are uncomfortable, but the worst gyno work I ever had was a pelvic ultrasound. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. I had my feet up in the stirrups, and the woman doing the ultrasound put a condom over the wand (“So you don’t have baby tranducers!” she joked) and then told me to insert it into my own vagina. She took over after that, strirring it around to get the images she needed. She was really good at distracting me, getting me to chat about the house I was buying and the like, but it was still a very uncomfortable experience. I’ve always wondered why I had to be the one to insert it. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/69 "2006-04-01T22:21:57Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Pap smears are uncomfortable, but the worst gyno work I ever had was a pelvic ultrasound. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. > > I had my feet up in the stirrups, and the woman doing the ultrasound put a condom over the wand (“So you don’t have baby tranducers!” she joked) and then told me to insert it into my own vagina. She took over after that, strirring it around to get the images she needed. She was really good at distracting me, getting me to chat about the house I was buying and the like, but it was still a very uncomfortable experience. > > I’ve always wondered why I had to be the one to insert it. It sounds like a good idea. You get to control the depth and the angle and how fast you take it, which ought to make it a little less uncomfortable to get in, at least. Not much help by the time she starts wiggling it around, but you’ve had the chance to get a little bit used to it by then. There’s no such thing as “free”, so I guess what **Indygrrl** ’s friend is saying, and she is endorsing, is that men should pay for women’s tampons. I don’t know how it is over there, but ISTR that this side the pond women’s health issues get about ten times the money spent on them that men’s do. It may be less; it may be as little as eight times. ::shrug:: Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/70 "2006-04-01T23:25:15Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > I had my feet up in the stirrups, and the woman doing the ultrasound put a condom over the wand (“So you don’t have baby tranducers!” she joked) and then told me to insert it into my own vagina. She took over after that, strirring it around to get the images she needed. She was really good at distracting me, getting me to chat about the house I was buying and the like, but it was still a very uncomfortable experience. > > I’ve always wondered why I had to be the one to insert it. Ah, yes. The ever-popular “dildo cam”. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/71 "2006-04-01T23:30:05Z")
I just have my yearly exam. I have yet to have the finger up my butt part, and I’ve had said exams from three different people, so I don’t know if it’s just the preference of the examiner or what. Thankfully they won’t want me to get mammograms for awhile; hopefully they will have come up with something less painful by then! Guys, you get a quick finger. Not fun, I’ll grant (I’m guessing) but it’s not like they put something in there and crank it open a bit and then stick other stuff in there. Not that it hurts, exactly, but it’s sure on my list of Not Fun things to do. My current gyn has the gentlest speculum technique I’ve run into, but even so…ugg. Female anatomy is sure inconvienient. And I don’t buy into the “it’s all the male doctors’ idea” stuff either, if you want to check out somebody’s vagina you have to get up close and personal with it. I like being a woman, but I could do without some of the medical aspects. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/72 "2006-04-02T03:40:56Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > Sure you do, but most adult women have had things in the orifice you are refering to. Usually on a regular basis. And if you want to compare orifice horor stories, try a gonorrhea exam. Cotton swab way up the urethra. Thats worse than a prostate exam but at least you won’t have to worry that you might like it. It burns for three seconds and that’s it. World’s _tiniest_ violin. Until Doc LeBlanc goes at me with a speculum or tries to squish any of my bits between two metal plates, I’d definitely say the women have it. DO try not to be too disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/73 "2006-04-02T07:04:34Z")
I personally think that opthamological exams are the worst, what with the bright lights and the little blue thing pressed _against your eyeball_ and the various (incredibly painful, to me) eyedrops. Then again, I’ve never had any of the feminine nether regions examined, and was forced to do the eye thing twice a year for eighteen years, so, I may be unqualified. But those damn eyedrops always would screw up my vision for well over 24 hours, man. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/74 "2006-04-02T14:12:23Z")
Okay, I’m not going to belittle your pain, men - surely there’s enough suffering going around, and none of that prostate business sounds the least bit fun. But I’ll tell you what’s hilarious, and so typical. Woman starts a thread about her experience with mammograms. Man jumps in - “oh yeah, well mine’s worse.” Remember this, single ladies, b/c this is Exactly what they do. Or at least Mine does, and I’ve heard it’s rampant. You get a headache - they’ve got a migraine. You get a cold - they’ve got pneumonia. Cough? Bronchitis!! ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/75 "2006-04-02T17:29:53Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > But I’ll tell you what’s hilarious, and so typical. > > Woman starts a thread about her experience with mammograms. > Man jumps in - “oh yeah, well mine’s worse.” Umm, no, at least not in this thread as **Indygrrl** “started it” by blaming we men for something, no free tampons, whatever. See above. Then she unloaded on us about how terrible it is to be a woman. I don’t think any man posted saying we have it worse. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/76 "2006-04-02T17:55:10Z")
I’m having my first mammogram in about two weeks. This thread is scaring me! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/77 "2006-04-02T17:57:55Z")
> [@Operation Ripper](#): > > Umm, no, at least not in this thread as **Indygrrl** “started it” by blaming we men for something, no free tampons, whatever. See above. Then she unloaded on us about how terrible it is to be a woman. I don’t think any man posted saying we have it worse. **askeptic** , 03-30-2006, 05:29 PM > [@](#): > > Mammogram schmamogram, try a prostate exam. ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/78 "2006-04-02T18:13:29Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > **askeptic** , 03-30-2006, 05:29 PM Meh, that seemed more a toss off than serious post. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/79 "2006-04-02T18:16:12Z")
Without getting into the “she said/he said” argument, I will say that my husband has had to undergo a lot of colon examinations in the past few years. At least when you have a gyno exam, they don’t have you flush out your insides first. Frankly, I’d rather undergo a weekly gyno exam than one colon exam. Which I realize isn’t exclusive to men vs. women, but in our family at least thus far the colon been strictly his problem. I hope to keep it that way. I’ve had two pelvic ultrasounds, and didn’t find them uncomfortable at all. Maybe the tech I had was particularly gentle, but she never did anything that was in the _least_ bit uncomfortable. And don’t be scared, **LavenderBlue** – not all mammos hurt. And the ones that do only hurt for a couple of seconds. Frankly, in terms of the pain I’ve felt during my life, that one rates well down the list. The worst pain _ever_ was when I had a metal appliance inserted into the bones in my foot after surgery, and my golden retriever banged into it. :eek: I’d rather have a mammo any day! ---
**Author:** ![tarragon918](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d26b3c/32.png) [@tarragon918](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarragon918)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605/80 "2006-04-02T18:28:49Z")
If you’ve had a regular mammogram and something unusual shows up, they bring you back in for a second go-round. And that’s when the extremely painful squishing occurs, let me tell you. The first one, the tech tightened it so much that I couldn’t help myself, I hollared and told her how much it hurt (and might I add that she looked at me like I was a big baby but I didn’t say anything more), so then I just sucked it in but honestly it was so painful that it brought tears to my eyes. Then, to top it all off, they still couldn’t find what they were looking for and sent me for an ultrasound of the breast! (It was just one breast that they were looking at, I guess that’s fortunate it wasn’t both.) Then my question became - okay, if an ultrasound will help you diagnose, why do the mammogram in the first place!!! Nothing was ever found, and I have no family history of breast cancer, btw. Although I was supposed to come back in six months, and then get a mammogram every year. Uh… that was about 2 years ago. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mammograms-i-mean-mammodamns-damnograms/350605.md?page=5)