# Man gets penis stuck in toaster **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2013, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764 "2013-10-09T10:54:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/41 "2013-10-09T17:40:01Z")
Reminds me of when I was in the butcher’s and I decided to stick my penis in the bacon slicer. I got thrown out, of course. So did she, but she said she was tired of slicing bacon anyway and a new job would not be hard to find. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/42 "2013-10-09T18:10:58Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Good grief, this reads like a Darwin award decedent. > > Cont’d: To extricate his warm, engorged testicles, the man reentered the cold lake still seated in the chair. Unfortunately the weight of the chair pulled him by the balls to the lake floor where he drowned. Several minutes later the temperature of the water again shrunk his balls down to a size that allowed them to slip through the seat gap and he floated back up to the surface naked, blue and with itty bitty nuts. Wouldn’t work - Muskoka chairs are made of wood. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/43 "2013-10-09T18:57:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Obviously he slipped and fell on it. > > I can’t remember what I was watching recently - the emergency room doctor came out and ranted about healthcare by saying, “Quit sticking things up your asses!” [SNL season opener](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/13/13aobama.phtml) > [@](#): > > Dr. Melissa Kronich: Look, I have no idea what the hell this law does. All I know is – ObamaCare or no ObamaCare – people need to stop putting things up their butts! I went to school for EIGHT damn years, so don’t you DARE look me in the face and tell me you FELL on a toy fire truck, you monsters! ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/44 "2013-10-09T19:38:38Z")
He must have seen the same ER show on TV that I did, and learned it wasn’t good to stick in a Coleman stove, so he used the toaster instead. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/45 "2013-10-09T19:47:13Z")
If you’re going to fuck a toaster, how do you decide which slot? ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/46 "2013-10-09T20:04:42Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If you’re going to fuck a toaster, how do you decide which slot? One could ask the same question to any man planning to have sex with a woman. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/47 "2013-10-09T20:09:11Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > It wasn’t really love. He was just _saying_ that. Typical attitude, Malthus. Look just because he didn’t get the toaster a fancy new wall socket doesn’t mean he isn’t in love! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/48 "2013-10-09T20:10:56Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If you’re going to fuck a toaster, how do you decide which slot? Using the lower one is _kinky_. ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/49 "2013-10-09T20:13:23Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/50 "2013-10-09T20:16:06Z")
We really need an emoticon for utter disgust here. That is just sick, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/51 "2013-10-09T20:48:29Z")
If I had a penis and got it stuck in a toaster I assure you that I would take care of things on my own. Even if I had to walk around the house supporting the toaster with one hand for **hours** until I found a way to pry it open. How hard (haha) could it be to do it yourself?! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/52 "2013-10-09T21:05:54Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I read about an unfortunate guy who got his balls stuck in a Muskoka chair. Not anything fetish-related, just unfortunate. > > What happened was this: he went swimming nude in a Northern Ontario lake; the cold water had a shrinking effect; he sat in a Muskoka chair (which has gaps in the boards); his balls fell into a gap; then he warmed up in the hot sun … :eek: > [@lieu](#): > > Good grief, this reads like a Darwin award decedent. > > Cont’d: To extricate his warm, engorged testicles, the man reentered the cold lake still seated in the chair. Unfortunately the weight of the chair pulled him by the balls to the lake floor where he drowned. Several minutes later the temperature of the water again shrunk his balls down to a size that allowed them to slip through the seat gap and he floated back up to the surface naked, blue and with itty bitty nuts. > [@Malthus](#): > > Wouldn’t work - Muskoka chairs are made of wood. 😉 Just change it so the chair capsizes when he goes back in the lake; he’s left hanging by his balls from an inconveniently floating object until he drowns from the exertion of trying to get his head above the surface. Heck, I bet it happens all the time… ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/53 "2013-10-09T21:09:51Z")
> [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](#): > > Just change it so the chair capsizes when he goes back in the lake; he’s left hanging by his balls from an inconveniently floating object until he drowns from the exertion of trying to get his head above the surface. > > Heck, I bet it happens all the time… 😃 /tips hat. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/54 "2013-10-09T21:47:20Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > [SNL season opener](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/13/13aobama.phtml) That’s the one! Thanks, dude! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/55 "2013-10-10T00:11:03Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > If I had a penis and got it stuck in a toaster I assure you that I would take care of things on my own. Even if I had to walk around the house supporting the toaster with one hand for **hours** until I found a way to pry it open. How hard (haha) could it be to do it yourself?! :smack: Yep. I’d manage. Maybe it’s a Brit thing? “Oh my, I seem to have gotten me willie stick in the crumpet warmer. I’ll just finish my tea, then ring up the bobbies to come 'ave a look-see”. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/56 "2013-10-10T00:11:07Z")
Current ad: “Argos: Save 1/3 on selected kitchen electricals!” (so why’s this toaster reduced? Well, that’s a funny story…) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/57 "2013-10-10T00:13:31Z")
> [@SerafinaPekala](#): > > … What? Come on . . . ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/58 "2013-10-10T04:52:09Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > If I had a penis and got it stuck in a toaster I assure you that I would take care of things on my own. Even if I had to walk around the house supporting the toaster with one hand for **hours** until I found a way to pry it open. How hard (haha) could it be to do it yourself?! :smack: > [@kayaker](#): > > Yep. I’d manage. > > Maybe it’s a Brit thing? “Oh my, I seem to have gotten me willie stick in the crumpet warmer. I’ll just finish my tea, then ring up the bobbies to come 'ave a look-see”. I laughed so hard reading your response earlier while I was at work. - I swear I almost fell out of my computer chair. Thanks for the laugh :D. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/59 "2013-10-10T05:24:34Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > We really need an emoticon for utter disgust here. That is just sick, IMO. Not sick, exactly, but certainly not well-bred. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764/60 "2013-10-10T09:54:03Z")
That is certainly going a bit far for a bit of crumpet, even for an english chap. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-toaster/670764.md?page=4)