# MAN-HANDS! Your most Sienfeldian break-up **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2000, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375 "2000-10-10T04:50:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Renton\_lvr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@Renton\_lvr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renton_lvr)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/21 "2000-10-12T22:13:48Z")
I once stopped seeing a guy because he didn’t like horror movies. It’s not just that they weren’t to his taste…he was morally offended by them. I dumped another guy because he was a horrible kisser. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend because, amongst other things, I caught him masterbating to scrambled porn not once, not twice, but three times. Hey, I don’t mind if guys do that but at least try to do it in private…and scrambled porn!? sheesh… ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/22 "2000-10-12T22:23:00Z")
A couple of years ago Little Caesar Pizza had a commercial on TV that featured a giant baby. It had something to do with it large pizza. Anyway, it reminded me of my boyfriend at that time. Apparently, it reminded my roommie of him too, and one day she said “Don’t get mad, but that baby looks like Richard.” We laughed our asses off for about an hour. After that, ‘Big Giant Baby’ became our name for him. Every time I looked at him, I thought ‘Big Giant Baby’ and had to stop myself from laughing. We broke up soon after. 🙂 Rose ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/23 "2000-10-12T22:44:32Z")
When I was young and beautiful I dumped guys for the _worst_ reasons. Now I make up reasons _not_ to dump their pathetic, lying asses. I dumped a boy because he could not be on time. Ever. Apparently he had no idea that watching TV took the same amount of time as non-tube time. (I just paused to watch Star Trek! he said). I dumped a guy because he kissed like a bottom feeding fish. His mouth would expand till it covered the lower half of my face. Ick. He was the same guy who was convinced that he was a great driver. I dumped another guy because he hated to dance or to travel. He changed his mind on both counts for his current girlfriend. Can I shoot him? I dumped my ex-fiancé because he was such an indecisive whiner. If I wanted to make every decision in two people’s lives I’d have a child. Jeesh. “See no evil, Hear no evil, Date no evil.” – Prudie’s dictum ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/24 "2000-10-12T23:04:25Z")
This may not exactly count as a break-up, because I only went out with the guy once (not counting the friend’s wedding where I met him, and the phone calls/e-mails we exchanged pre-date). But, this dude drove all the way into Manhattan on his day off to take me to lunch… ordered a non-meat meal so as not to offend my vegetarian self (I wouldn’t have been offended, but it was a cute gesture)… and then, when I offered him a french fry, he looked at me as if I’d grown a second head and said: “I’ve cut all the fat out of my diet!” Doomed. From that moment on. Never saw him again. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/25 "2000-10-13T02:38:15Z")
Renton\_lvr wrote: > [@](#): > > I broke up with a long-term boyfriend because, amongst other things, I caught him masterbating to scrambled porn not once, not twice, but three times. Hey, I don’t mind if guys do that but at least try to do it in private…and scrambled porn!? sheesh… Hah! We know the _real_ reason he was watching scrambled porn – you browbeat him into dropping the Playboy Channel from his cable subscription! (Grumble grumble pussywhipped grumble grumble) ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/26 "2000-10-13T13:23:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThisYearsGirl \* > \*\*but I made a promise to never date a man who can’t pee in front of me, so I think I could dump someone for that reason. \*\* Not only would I pee in front of you, I’d pee on you. And dumping? Well…don’t get me started. I broke up with a woman because she was just too stupid. She couldn’t add or subtract with any real accuracy. I was ashamed of her. She’s doing fine now I think. Loved oral sex though…she was a natural…now, now, now…she had all her teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/27 "2000-10-13T13:52:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sledman \* > \*\*Back when I was attending college I dated a girl who was very big into bowling. She went and bowled tournaments alot and did quite well. At that young, immature, adventurous stage I started thinking about my mental image of middle aged women bowlers. It wasn’t good. (Yeah, yeah I know) Anyway I broke up with her based on the fact I had never seen an attractive middle age female bowler. > > Hangs head in shame… > > Sorry… > > \*\* As well you should be! 🙂 Dolores (a reasonably attractive middle-aged bowler) ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/28 "2000-10-13T15:44:14Z")
Hey **Sledman** – By eliminating central Wisconsin women who are non-bowlers, didn’t you slash the potential dating pool by about 90%? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/29 "2000-10-13T17:19:44Z")
These are hilarious! - I broke up with a gal I went out with for more than two years in high school because she was _too nice_. I was a lead singer in a popular local rock and roll band, and she was all sweetness and teddy bears and movies that make you go, “Awww …” She treated me wonderfully. She was just too nice. I needed an element of danger. We had reached the point where I was either going to marry her, or we would break up. I chose the latter route. I have since found that the “rock-slut” element I liked a hint of in my women tends to lead to dishonesty, infidelity and heartache. Huh. Go figure. - I stopped dating a very attractive young woman because she was too quiet, and I didn’t like her hair style. She wore this rolled-up-bandana-type-thingee near the top of her forehead, and pushed her bangs sort of straight up. I thought it looked goofy. Next time I went out with her, she wore it again. It was like Jerry with the woman who only had those black-and-white suits. That was that. And we had the same birthday, too. Think about how cool that would be as a couple! But alas; it wasn’t enough. I saw her recently. She looks great. She changed the hairstyle. I’ve never met anybody via an on-line personal ad, but I like to browse them. I tend to reject anyone who spells words wrong or uses extremely poor grammar. One woman’s ad had as the first thing listed under what she wanted in an ideal man, “An excellent speller …” I’m not quite that extreme. Give me an intelligent, beautiful woman and I’ll provide the Spell-Check. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/30 "2000-10-13T20:05:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThisYearsGirl \* > \*\*I once dated a guy who outright refused to pee in front of me. (I mention this in another thread) Although it wasn’t enough for me to dump him, and, in fact, he dumped me, but I made a promise to never date a man who can’t pee in front of me, so I think I could dump someone for that reason. \*\* See, I don’t have a psychological block about this, but experience has taught me that peeing in front of a woman is a bad idea. (WARNING: gender-based generalizations follow) Reason: women are fascinated by the ability to pee standing up. Once she sees it, she’ll want to hold it. And you gals CANNOT aim. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/31 "2000-10-16T21:28:06Z")
Just make sure you’re using HER bathroom when she decides to help you aim it. That way, when she misses, she’ll be the one who has to wipe it up. ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/32 "2000-10-16T21:41:49Z")
We didn’t really date, but this one guy asked me out twice, and he was a fantastic guy and I would have jumped him in a second, only he looked exactly like my cousin. And not some vague cousin from across the country, but a cousin I grew up with. ---
**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/33 "2000-10-17T06:53:19Z")
I quit seeing a guy because he drooled when we kissed. I’m talking spit running clear down my neck, needed a towel kind of drooling. I’m grossed out all over again just thinking about him. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/34 "2000-10-17T14:07:02Z")
I don’t really think this counts but it’s a story I couldn’t help wanting to tell anyway. When I was in junior high, I met this guy who fell madly in love with me. I tolerated him. I still have the love letter he wrote to me in which he talks about how one particular song was “our song” because one summer night he’d kissed me. I remember it well, unfortunately, and I never found it romantic. He was playing truth or dare, and I was watching and he was double dared to kiss me on the cheek. (The rules were set up that way for the benefit of those being kissed, especially since I wasn’t playing so they couldn’t dare me into it). This is not my idea of a romantic kiss which should be remembered forever by selecting a song which was known as ours. (And since I merely tolerated him, he never had a better opportunity to kiss me.) ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/35 "2000-10-17T15:18:06Z")
I’ll tell you a story from the other side of the table. I had this guy really pursue me hard – he saw me perform at a convention and just thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He was so persistent that he finally wore me down and I said, ok, let’s go out. We had drinks . . . we went to dinner . . . we went to a club . . . and as the evening progressed I found there was increasing distance and tension between us, instead of less. It was getting more uncomfortable with every second and I didn’t have a clue as to what went wrong. I went to the ladies room twice to be sure I didn’t have spinach in my teeth or something. Finally I’d had all I could stand and I had an early call the next day and I begged off any further fun. He was considerate enough to hail a cab for me. As he closed the door to the taxi he said, “I’m sorry you’re not as exciting in real life as you are on stage.” your humble TubaDiva PS I have a friend that went to the ladies room and skipped out the door after her date said to her, “I just wrote a nasty letter to those Publishers Clearing House people, they sent me a note telling me to be home when the Prize Patrol came by. I was home all day Sunday and they never showed up.” ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/36 "2000-10-17T15:43:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Renton\_lvr \* > \*\*I broke up with a long-term boyfriend because, amongst other things, I caught him masterbating to scrambled porn not once, not twice, but three times. Hey, I don’t mind if guys do that but at least try to do it in private…and scrambled porn!? sheesh… \*\* Hey! My wife does that, and I don’t dump her for it! (Oops, I think I just shared too much.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/37 "2000-10-17T15:59:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ivar \* > \*\*She said “I seen that before”. > Incorrect usage of a common verb. I didn’t even bother trying to kiss her. It was already over. \*\* Wow, that is harsh. I done be reckonin I’s ain’t never heards 'bout nuthin so’s harsh before. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/278dde/32.png) [@JustAnotherGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/38 "2000-10-17T18:57:25Z")
Although I have had retrospective regrets at times, I broke up with a girl who absolutely adored me, college guy/high school girl. She was completely subservient and indecisive and would do anything I asked, but she still had a brain and a personality. But when we tried a 69, first attempt at oral sex for her and me, it was emotionally uncomfortable and physically unpleasant. I have since learned much better how to give and receive. I once broke up with a girl because she was 18 and 10 years younger than me. Now there is a Seinfeld parallel, huh? We actually got along quite well. The constant teasing about dating my daughter didn’t really get to me, but the inability to relate to one another on a conversational level got to be too much. She didn’t understand things like jobs or bills or Prince. One I left because she wouldn’t put out. One I left because she put out to everyone she could get her legs around… but if someone is already good at sex, I guess you have to ask yourself, how did they get that way? There was this one girl who just LOVED to give hummers. She never called me, but was always there when I called her and I could drop by anytime. She didn’t want me to reciprocate and she didn’t want to have sex, she just wanted to give… I was insane I guess, but I left her too. On the flip side…, I got these two girls to go to the beach with me and a friend and I wore a Speedo. Not only did she soon after start dating someone else, but I got sunburnt ass cheeks. I got really drunk before a first date, which I was rather excited and nervous about. We went to a pizza place and I got sick in the bathroom. We were there with some friends of mine and she started chatting with some people at the bar and I wasn’t feeling real good and I ditched her. Well, we worked together at a restaurant and it turned out that she didn’t know those people she was talking too and had to call someone to give her a ride home. But we never dated again after that… I met this gorgeous girl at a bar and we were drinking and dancing and grinding and everything was going beautifully. I mean this girl was rubbing up and down on my quite obvious protrusion, if you know what I mean. I bought her a drink and we would chat for awhile then right back up to grinding and sweating. We were getting drunk and sexual and then it happened. When she asked me to buy her another (third) drink I made a terribly failed attempt at sarcastic humor that had a reference to a whore in it at which time she fled to the bathroom crying. I tried to apologize, but too late, she was with her girlfriend. UGH! ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/39 "2000-10-17T19:35:26Z")
Excellent topic. Let’s see. Met a guy at a party. He’s GORGEOUS, in school, bartends, nice as hell, funny, the works. He gets my number from my friend (with my permission) and we set a date. We go to his place for dinner, which he made for me, wine, gives me a tour of his family’s farm, calls the horses with a click and a whistle (for this horse chick, that impressed me) and was a perfect gentleman. Then while sitting outside, his beeper went off. He ran inside to answer it. I could tell it was a call from someone looking to score pot. I suddenly realised that maybe he wasn’t just a recreational user (I HAD met him at a party). At some point I also realised he wasn’t only selling pot (hell, in Burlington, everyone and thier mother knows SOMEBODY) but harder shit, too. We went to a movie, but I made excuses shortly afterward. That was like 2 years ago, my friend recently ran into him and re-established thier friendship. This means that I’ll probably run into this guy again. Oy. Then there is the guy with the giant nostrils. Funny, smart as all hell, crazy about me, but I just close my eyes and see gigantic nostrils. And huge teeth. I am so superficial. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375/40 "2000-10-17T20:28:19Z")
A couple more:[ul][li]There was the gal in college who had a whole pharmacy of prescription drugs on the chest of drawers in her dorm room. Every square inch was covered in medicine bottles and pills. Yikes! Either she was _really_ sickly, a real hypochondriac, or else she was some kind of drugstore cowgirl. Otherwise, she was a great person, and very pretty, but the warning flags had gone up.[/li][li]There was the girl with Really Bad Hair. Shoulder length, thin, scraggly, mouse brown. It just sort of hung there. She never did anything to fix it up at all, which is a shame, because it was the only thing holding her back (in terms of physical appearance). I never figured out how to bring up the subject gracefully.[/ul][/li] I am a sad, sad jerk. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-hands-your-most-sienfeldian-break-up/36375.md?page=3)