# Man kills wife in women's shelter **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2006, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815 "2006-09-23T04:23:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/41 "2006-09-24T02:33:40Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] So you agree that men and women are not equal. [/QUOTE] Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have taken the bait the first time, and i’m definitely not taking it again. You are unworthy of a response. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/42 "2006-09-24T02:39:02Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] So you agree that men and women are not equal. [/QUOTE] Only if you agree that because both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Iris Kyle could beat the hell out of Woody Allen, that means Arnold and Iris are equal and Woody is not. Go read [this story](http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html) and think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/43 "2006-09-24T03:27:02Z")
[QUOTE=Fionn] I don’t know how widespread the practice is, but I’ve read that shelters will sometimes make alternate arrangements to protect male victims of domestic violence, such as arranging for them to stay in a motel. [/QUOTE] I’d like to see a citation for this. I’m not saying it’s untrue, but everyone else in this thread is handwaving, so its hard to tell. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/44 "2006-09-24T03:44:42Z")
While at work, I’ve done some googling where I wasn’t able to before. From [The Battered Men’s Site](http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm). > [@](#): > > The Ogeechee Judicial Circuit Domestic Violence Shelter offers services to both men and women. **Men do not stay at our shelter; however, they are able to provide shelter in a safe place for them at another location in the community**. They have advocated for several male victims of domestic violence in the past three years of our existence (as of 1998). (912) 764-4605 crisis line The relevant part is highlighted for the denser amongst us. Sure, it’s not specifically saying they pay for a motel to stay in, but they do make alternate arrangments for them. I’m also glad to see that there are shelters listed in there that do allow men to stay if they are actually in need. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/45 "2006-09-24T03:56:27Z")
[QUOTE=Sierra Indigo] While at work, I’ve done some googling where I wasn’t able to before. From [The Battered Men’s Site](http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm). The relevant part is highlighted for the denser amongst us. Sure, it’s not specifically saying they pay for a motel to stay in, but they do make alternate arrangments for them. I’m also glad to see that there are shelters listed in there that do allow men to stay if they are actually in need. [/QUOTE] Why aren’t men and women treated equally? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/46 "2006-09-24T03:58:38Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] Why aren’t men and women treated equally? [/QUOTE] What exactly is your problem? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/47 "2006-09-24T04:01:21Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] What exactly is your problem? [/QUOTE] Are men and women equal, or not? It’s not a hard question. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/48 "2006-09-24T04:01:55Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] What exactly is your problem? [/QUOTE] Attention deficit disorder – it’s feeling deficient in the amount of attention its trolling is garnering. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/49 "2006-09-24T04:03:10Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] Why aren’t men and women treated equally? [/QUOTE] If by “treated equally”, you mean “put in the same building for shelter”, I’d surmise it’s because victims of domestic violence, primarily women, have a psychological need for a sense of safety, and having a man that, theoretically, could overtake her in the same quarters prohibits that. What exactly \*is \* your problem, anyway? Just out for a little s **troll**? ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/50 "2006-09-24T04:03:34Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] I’d like to see a citation for this. I’m not saying it’s untrue, but everyone else in this thread is handwaving, so its hard to tell. [/QUOTE] **Sierra Indigo** already posted one of mine but, here’s [another](http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060131/NEWS/601310524): > [@](#): > > Battered men are offered free counseling through DASH’s Men’s Resource and Referral Center of Charlotte and Sarasota Counties. The battered men’s program is funded by a $10,000 grant from the Gulf Coast Community Foundation. > > The program also helps men find help when fleeing from an abusive relationship. And [another](http://www.ncweb.com/org/rapecrisis/history.html): > [@](#): > > The present shelter provides safe housing to 15 women and children and is staffed around the clock. Although battered men are not housed at the shelter, Homesafe does serve and support male victims of domestic violence too. Special shelter is provided on a case by case basis as necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/51 "2006-09-24T04:07:47Z")
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon] If by “treated equally”, you mean “put in the same building for shelter”, I’d surmise it’s because victims of domestic violence, primarily women, have a psychological need for a sense of safety, and having a man that, theoretically, could overtake her in the same quarters prohibits that.ll\*\*? [/QUOTE] Men have a need for safety, as well. It’s part of the human existence. Why do women need special treatment again? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/52 "2006-09-24T04:11:32Z")
Men are being offered safety as well- see the citation above regarding arrangements for male victims. While you’re at it, you could google “battered woman syndrome” to find out why female victims of domestic violence are psychologically better off with limited contact with men while they’re in a crisis situation. Certainly you’ll do this research, what with you being so curious about it and all. I mean, you wouldn’t be making inflammatory statements and being so dense just to piss people off. Now would you? ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/53 "2006-09-24T04:14:15Z")
:rolleyes: How about because, according to [shelter directors](http://www.feminist.com/news/vaw1.html): > [@](#): > > “It’s not clinically appropriate to house men and women in the same facility,” said Schirmer, **whose shelter, like the others, house women and their children in open dormitory-style rooms.** (bolding added) [Dormitories](http://faridasultana06.tripod.com/malaysia_trip/thumbnails/400x300/Dormitory_Shelter_Home.JPG) aren’t really [well-equipped](http://www.oldcambrians.com/Photos-HawkeDormitory1936.jpg) to be co-ed [facilities](http://www.ashanet.org/siliconvalley/sac/nab/photo_album/Photos%202002/slides/Dormitory%202.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/54 "2006-09-24T04:21:04Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] Men have a need for safety, as well. It’s part of the human existence. Why do women need special treatment again? [/QUOTE] **Carol Stream** , quit trolling this thread. If you want to argue about how battered women’s shelters are fundamentally irreconcilable with the notion of equal rights for women, start a separate thread on that topic. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/55 "2006-09-24T04:21:35Z")
I meant to include a line indicating that the bolding was mine, but apparently, it wasn’t needed :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/56 "2006-09-24T04:25:24Z")
[QUOTE=Kat] I meant to include a line indicating that the bolding was mine, but apparently, it wasn’t needed :smack: [/QUOTE] Got 'em both. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/57 "2006-09-24T04:35:18Z")
Yay! (Giraffe is my hero.) ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/58 "2006-09-24T04:42:11Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] So you agree that men and women are not equal. [/QUOTE] I’m not entirely sure of the limits here in the pit. But be very certain that at least one person on this board thinks that you are either an incompassionate troll, or an alternative I choose not to say, but I will say this: Your mother would be horrified and embarrassed of you. I am. Obviously, when a woman goes into a shelter and ends up getting killed by her abuser, there is a problem. The shelter in my city has about a 20ft fence around it, very secured location and a shitload of security. I’m pretty damned certain they wouldn’t do that if they didn’t need to. I won’t even go into how luducrious it is for you to suggest that men and women aren’t equal in regards to abusive situations. I guess you never noticed that only women can give birth and men can’t, so it may be that we equal as far as rights, but differ in physical abilities. It really makes me wonder what planet you are living in, or if you think physical abuse is okidoki. Now I’ll go check if personal attacks are ok. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/59 "2006-09-24T05:15:11Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] **Carol Stream** , quit trolling this thread. If you want to argue about how battered women’s shelters are fundamentally irreconcilable with the notion of equal rights for women, start a separate thread on that topic. [/QUOTE] May I express my supreme gratitude, **Giraffe**? ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2006, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815/60 "2006-09-24T06:03:35Z")
[QUOTE=Carol Stream] Men have a need for safety, as well. It’s part of the human existence. Why do women need special treatment again? [/QUOTE] Because many are poor, have no place to go, and usually have children with them. I don’t know about men’s shelters, but according to the CDC there are 50 people for every one bed in a womens shelter. "The Department of Justice (2000) shows that women are more likely to be victims of domestic violence if they are less-educated, poor, and Black yet we have shown that services are more likely to be located in affluent areas with little racial diversity and a highly educated population. There is an extensive literature documenting the relationship between income and domestic violence. Kantor and Kantor (1989) and Telch and Lindquist (1984) find that poverty, defined as having an income of less than $10,000 per year, was associated with increased risk for partner physical aggression " [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-kills-wife-in-womens-shelter/373815.md?page=4)