# Man vs. animal: what are some fair fights? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2016, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012 "2016-12-06T13:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/21 "2016-12-07T02:00:00Z")
(oops, missed the edit window…) But seriously I think a scuffle with a wild animal always has a potential downside for a human. Even if the animal is just trying to get away there’s a chance of getting bit or scratched. And anything larger than a medium-sized dog is probably going to be stronger than you are. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/22 "2016-12-07T02:03:38Z")
The fundamental difficulty is that so much depends on state of mind. We can assume equal “motivation” and willingness to engage, and restrict the discussion solely to physical prowess, but in reality that will so rarely be the case. As people have mentioned, many potentially dangerous large animals can be scared off because (for them) it’s not a good strategy to engage strange noisy creatures that show no fear; while even small angry animals who are determined to fight can do a lot of harm. It’s hardly different among humans, e.g. Trainspotting’s Begbie. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/23 "2016-12-07T02:11:15Z")
What about an enraged swamp rabbit? If the [berserk swamp rabbit had managed to board Jimmy Carter’s boat](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Carter_rabbit_incident) (and the President lost his paddle in the commotion), who would have won? A nation’s destiny would have hinged on this epic battle. ---
**Author:** ![adaher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@adaher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adaher)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/24 "2016-12-07T03:03:39Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > Not to mention the relative lack of effective natural weapons. We wouldn’t be biting anything to death, which leaves… strangulation or kicking something until it stops moving? strangulation is actually a huge advantage for a human, assuming the human’s arms are strong enough to cut off blood or air flow and the animal doesn’t have claws that can kill. I’ve found that running at animals tends to work pretty well myself. Don’t try that with a skunk though. That usually doesn’t go very well. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/25 "2016-12-07T03:15:19Z")
As a general rule of thumb, animal match-ups mostly just go by weight, so a 170-pound animal (say) will usually be a fair fight against other 170-pound animals. That said, though, most animals do not want a fair fight, or even anything resembling a fair fight. If you’re facing something half your size, yeah, you can probably win, but what’s it going to cost you? So if the sizes are even remotely close, usually the “winner” of any given encounter is going to be the one who’s more committed to it. Commitment might mean something like a mother defending her young, or it might mean something like a ten-pound terrier who’s just plain too insane to back down. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/26 "2016-12-07T14:06:32Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I think an adult man could probably fight off a cougar A cougar probably wouldn’t engage an adult man to begin with. A cougar is much more likely to go after a teenage boy. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/27 "2016-12-07T15:08:33Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > What about an enraged swamp rabbit? If the [berserk swamp rabbit had managed to board Jimmy Carter’s boat](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Carter_rabbit_incident) (and the President lost his paddle in the commotion), who would have won? A nation’s destiny would have hinged on this epic battle. “We’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s _dynamite_!” ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/28 "2016-12-07T16:23:32Z")
Thing is, it depends also a lot on the tools available to the human. Give me a good spear in my hand and knife on my belt, in a fight to the death, I’d give myself better than 50/50 odds for just about anything up to bear/tiger size. I mean, not saying I’d be unscathed, but most likely outcome is that I’m seriously hurt with a bite or claw, but the animal would be bleeding to death. No weapons, and nothing around more dangerous than sand, and the odds shift a lot. I’d be betting on the wolf in that case. A bunch of heavy/pointy rocks and clublike sticks lying around, and that brings the odds back up. ---
**Author:** ![Crybaby\_Boobie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crybaby_boobie/32/545_2.png) [@Crybaby\_Boobie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crybaby_Boobie)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/29 "2016-12-07T16:47:57Z")
Man vs. Panda? Man vs. Seal (on dry land?) ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/30 "2016-12-07T17:05:18Z")
> [@Crybaby\_Boobie](#): > > Man vs. Panda? > Man vs. Seal (on dry land?) Man would have no chance in either, IMO. Pandas are _bears_, with sharp claws and teeth, and are a lot stronger than any person. Seals, except perhaps for a few of the smallest species, are frickin’ _huge_, with extremely sharp teeth and very thick skin. I don’t know how an unarmed person could harm a seal, except possibly gouging its eyes (good luck avoiding the teeth!). The best a human could do against a seal would be to run. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/31 "2016-12-07T17:48:30Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > A cougar probably wouldn’t engage an adult man to begin with. > A cougar is much more likely to go after a teenage boy. I saw what you did there! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Crybaby\_Boobie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crybaby_boobie/32/545_2.png) [@Crybaby\_Boobie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crybaby_Boobie)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/32 "2016-12-07T17:49:51Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Man would have no chance in either, IMO. Pandas are _bears_, with sharp claws and teeth, and are a lot stronger than any person. Seals, except perhaps for a few of the smallest species, are frickin’ _huge_, with extremely sharp teeth and very thick skin. I don’t know how an unarmed person could harm a seal, except possibly gouging its eyes (good luck avoiding the teeth!). The best a human could do against a seal would be to run. Maybe I meant sea lions? ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/33 "2016-12-07T17:51:11Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > A cougar probably wouldn’t engage an adult man to begin with. > A cougar is much more likely to go after a teenage boy. Or a small child. But that does mean that cougar vs adult man isn’t a fair fight. No non-human predator is ever going to seek out a “fair fight”, because to anything but a human “I killed him and he only gave me a broken arm” is as bad as an upfront loss. A cougar is only going to engage in the most lopsided (in its favour) of battles. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/34 "2016-12-07T17:53:41Z")
> [@Crybaby\_Boobie](#): > > Maybe I meant sea lions? Even worse. Sea lions are like 600 pounds or more, faster than seals on land, and routinely kill large mammals (seals, which usually eat fish and small sea creatures). I saw a sea lion perform on land once at an aquarium, and it was legitimately frightening when it came out of the tunnel (the only separation was a rope barrier. It frickin’ _galloped_ on its flippers, and basically looked like a grizzly bear with flippers. ---
**Author:** ![Crybaby\_Boobie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crybaby_boobie/32/545_2.png) [@Crybaby\_Boobie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crybaby_Boobie)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/35 "2016-12-07T17:55:32Z")
Well, there goes that idea. And I know walruses are right out. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/36 "2016-12-07T18:01:31Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Even worse. Sea lions are like 600 pounds or more, faster than seals on land, and routinely kill large mammals (seals, which usually eat fish and small sea creatures). > > I saw a sea lion perform on land once at an aquarium, and it was legitimately frightening when it came out of the tunnel (the only separation was a rope barrier. It frickin’ _galloped_ on its flippers, and basically looked like a grizzly bear with flippers. Correction – I don’t think sea lions eat seals, sorry. They do eat penguins, though. Penguins might be a good choice for an animal we could kill. Emperor penguins can be 100 lbs, but I think a human could kick one to death without significant difficulty. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/37 "2016-12-07T18:02:38Z")
> [@Crybaby\_Boobie](#): > > Well, there goes that idea. And I know walruses are right out. Yep. Walruses sometimes successfully defend themselves from frickin’ _polar bears_. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/38 "2016-12-07T23:31:34Z")
But what if you took on Dr. Jonathan Chase from _Manimal_? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/39 "2016-12-07T23:44:00Z")
**leahcim** , I think you missed **bienville** ’s joke, there. Hint: The word “cougar” has more than one meaning. And is either a sea lion or a seal as fast on land as a human? If we can keep the range open, and there’s anything at all to throw in the arena, we’ll eventually win that one. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012/40 "2016-12-08T00:17:05Z")
No personal experience but I’ve read that hyenas are much more bad-ass than most people (that don’t live around them) realize. Camels (the animals, not the cigarettes) can make short work of a person too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/man-vs-animal-what-are-some-fair-fights/774012.md?page=3)