I’m trying to come up with a joke about a man who tries to fight a bear with a chainsaw, only to discover that it’s actually a giant novelty vibrator. Anyone?
So, you’re saying he’s blind?
A selection of punchlines:
[ul]
[li]“Fortunately it turned out that the bear was really horny, so it all worked out OK.”[/li][li]“And then the damned bear stole my novelty vibrator!”[/li][li]“And that’s how I learned that bears are really ticklish.”[/li][li]“And let’s just say that I walked funny for a whole month afterwards.”[/li][/ul]
Chuck Norris with a chainsaw…yes…everybody else…not a chance.
old saying in Alaska, six shot 44 mag, 5 for the bear, save one for yourself.
That bear would take the chainsaw out of your hands and stick it up your ass
Its been a while since I posted on this awesome forum, looks to be a chainsaw now? lol
The noise should scare off the bear alone, one landing will spell death for the bear, if a chainsaw can cut down a 200 foot tree a bear doesent fair well, but if the person whos weilding the chain saw is not confident the slightest slip up will lead to a quick mauling.
My Lord, a bear would simply be annoyed by the noisy, smelly little chainsaw as it ate the man.
A bear would shit on a lion too. Make him his bitch, prison style. The lion would be calling him Teddy.
Screw the chainsaw, you need a light sabre.
I disagree.
Lions have been recorded killing Black, Brown and Polar bears more than vice versa, just about 4x more actualy…
I mind you these were all one on ones ^, so in the wild its actually the lions who would as you said (take a dump on bears) why? Social, even wolves can kill the biggest of grizzly bears because majority of the time bears are solitary, while wolves can range from 5-12 to as big as 20-30 in a pack, any form of social animal would dis-assemble a solitary anything, and last time I checked lions are the only predator to have taken out elephants (Rutinely/Adults) in rare occaisons
so its more so…
Lions>>>>>Hyenas>>Wolves>>Wild dogs>>>>>>>>>>>>>Bears
What are bears feats? Moose, deers, rabbits, fish, vegatations (all things that arnt as formidable than what africa/india holds), rare conflicts with tigers in minor scruffles, small mountain cougars, wolves? Thats it, lions at a point and time contended with almost every type of predator of either carnivore/omnivore/herbivore and can make the claim they won with style weather if it was as a group (natrual occurances) or pit fights one on one (Captivity Staged and or accidental).
Bears are almost as overated as Silver-back Gorillas, simply because after all this time, theres not much feats to look at in terms bears true capabilitys other than what some just imply as…hear say…hyperboles…estimates…guesses…opinions and anything other than direct proof with substantial substance and credability.
The bear is no doubt a heavy hitter and in all means a contender, but to say a bear can just take out the King of the beast like nothing, is just a laugh and a half.
Even The strongest of Barbarian brutes in the Kingdoms army, still must bow down to the King.
The Bears mauled the Patriots in Super Bowl XX, 46-10. Those Patriots weren’t wielding chainsaws, but even if they were, they still would’ve been mauled badly.
The Lions, alas, have never even been to a Super Bowl. Not on the field, anyway.
What if both the bear and the man were really, really drunk though?
Good thing I’m a Kansas city fan. S.B Ring In the bag. 
lol
Len Dawson kept matriculating down the field…
Then the man feels no pain. He dies happy, too drunk to know what’s happening to him, until it’s way too late. By then, it doesn’t matter.
For the bear, it walks away satisfied, having cured its case of the munchies.
Not fighting a bear with a chainsaw, but:
