# 'Many a truth is uttered in jest'; Equivalent psychological concept? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 30, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552 "2014-12-30T18:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incensed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Incensed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incensed)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/1 "2014-12-30T18:06:18Z")
I recently had an episode with a friend’s SO wherein I was insulted and threatened (my person and my property), and now, a week later, the friend and the SO are trying to spin the whole thing as a joke (LOL) that I’ve taken too seriously. My take is that the SO was telling me the unvarnished truth; she has nothing but contempt for me, for whatever reason, and the only part of it meant to be a joke was the part where she said she was joking. It seems like this sort of thing is portrayed in movies fairly often- the villain leans in and makes a threat to whoever is in thrall to them, then leans back, smiling, and pats them on the shoulder, ‘Just kidding pal, lighten up. (LOL)’ It’s been a while since I’ve been exposed to this particular sort of sociopathic behavior in person, so I thought I read up on it. So I appeal to you, oh internets, help me put a name to this concept/power play wherein someone attempts to demean another in earnest and then plays it off as all in good fun. ---
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/2 "2014-12-30T18:36:01Z")
Freudian slip? upon review, I don’t think I’m right, but I’ll keep it here. I’ve seen behavior like this before, but don’t have a clear name for it other than what I heard from a sophomore who just got out of her first psychology class. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/3 "2014-12-30T18:36:14Z")
Here is something called gaslighting; it may or may not be what you are talking about: > **[Gaslighting: what it isn’t](https://alfredmacdonald.com/2012/11/07/gaslighting-what-it-isnt/)** > > NOTE: Roughly 500 people access this page a day. Most comments are about diagnosing people. Under no circumstances should you attempt a diagnosis without the DSM-5 or, if that’s too expensive… > **[Gaslighting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting)** > > Gaslighting is the subjective experience of having one's reality repeatedly questioned by another. A colloquialism, the term derives from the title of the 1944 American film Gaslight, which was based on the 1938 British theatre play Gas Light by Patrick Hamilton, though the term did not gain popular currency in English until the mid-2010s. A 2022 Washington Post report described it as a "trendy buzzword" that is "often used incorrectly by people referring to simple disagreements .. The term all... ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/4 "2014-12-30T18:37:11Z")
Whatever it is, I think it’s genetic, judging from my father and brother. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/5 "2014-12-30T18:43:53Z")
I think there is a difference between saying what you mean, but then backing off and calling it a joke and making actual jokes of a teasing nature that reveal hidden, cutting, opinions. The second case I see more a Freudian Slip type situation (but not quite) but the first more of just covering your tracks to avoid a conflict or make the other person look foolish. ---
**Author:** ![Incensed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Incensed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incensed)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/6 "2014-12-30T19:04:02Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Here is something called gaslighting; it may or may not be what you are talking about: > [Gaslighting: what it isn’t | Concepts and Analyses](http://alfredmacdonald.com/2012/11/07/gaslighting-what-it-isnt/) > [Gaslighting - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting) It seems related to this, but not spot on- Per your first link- > [@](#): > > A definition that describes “gaslighting” as “trying to discredit your emotions” is not rigorous. What the more rigorous definitions of gaslighting are referring to is specific: attempting to deceive someone that false events actually occurred, and that real events are false. It is ongoing and requires some prior knowledge of at least one participant’s experiences; you can’t “gaslight” someone in an anonymous internet argument, and simply telling someone they’re being too sensitive lacks the denial-of-reality aspect. There needs to be a deliberate, dishonest aspect to it — in other words, there needs to be lying. Simply telling someone they can’t take a joke doesn’t qualify as lying, nor gaslighting, nor abuse. So the situation I’m describing lacks that aspect-the alteration or denial of real facts. All parties agree on what was said, it’s just that we disagree on the meaning/intention of the speaker. **IvoryTowerDenizen** , I’m picking up what you’re putting down. I do it fairly often- use humor to (try) to blunt real criticism, and frankly it’s probably something I need to work on doing less of. But this episode seems to surpass that in a very calculated way, as if there was a gameplan as such- 1. Attack someone 2. Claim it was a joke 3. Attack/needle them in the future about their inability to take a joke ---
**Author:** ![Incensed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Incensed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incensed)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/7 "2014-12-30T19:19:03Z")
[Minimisation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minimisation_(psychology)) is in play here, but it doesn’t rise to the level I’m thinking of. It seems like a tactic (oh I’ve been caught, let me backtrack) where I’m looking for a strategy. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/8 "2015-01-01T21:26:25Z")
This sounds like the reverse of repartee, where cutting remarks are disguised as pleasantries and banter. ---
**Author:** ![JacquesDeNoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f4b2a3/32.png) [@JacquesDeNoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JacquesDeNoir)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/many-a-truth-is-uttered-in-jest-equivalent-psychological-concept/708552/9 "2015-01-02T14:15:48Z")
I believe that is called “passive aggressive” behaviour.