# Mark Twain is most excellent! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 16, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027 "2002-12-16T06:05:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/1 "2002-12-16T06:05:26Z")
Like every other American high school gradumate of a certain age, I was required to read _Tom Sawyer_ and _Huckleberry Finn_. Good books, no question, but like many of the other scholastically inflicted tomes, they didn’t inspire me to continue on to Mr. Clemens collected works. From time immemorial or at least all of my life, my parents had enthroned upon the living room bookshelves a complete set of Twain’s works, published in about 1920. The 25 volumes are handsomly bound in green and add a certain dignity to one’s shelves. Anyhow… They’d always been around. My folks moved in June and I inherited the books. They sat in a box in the corner of my office until last week, when inspired by my wife’s masterful nagging, I finally unpacked them. Now, I consider myself a somewhat literate fellow. I read all the time. I read (and write) for a living. I read for recreation – on the web, on these boards, in the bathroom, while I’m eating, before I go to sleep, whenever I can. I’m an information junkie and I haven’t found any better way to satisfy my habit. I also collect books. I think I’ve got around 5000 crammed and stacked around the house. S’funny how if you continually buy books and religiously refused to get rid of any how they seem to pile up. All my shelves have gotten double stacked again, so I’ve got to do something soon… again. So, it’s not like I’m some illiterate philistine. But for some reason it had never occured to me to actually _read_ the treasured Twain set. They were an icon, like Carol Brady’s favorite vase, to admire rather than to actually enjoy. I don’t know what changed when I put them on my own shelves. Chalk it up to the ravages of my addiction or the iconoclastic effect of seeing the family treasures displayed in my own humble and familiar digs. But suddenly one night last week they were just books, just fodder for the old insatiable literary furnace. So I grabbed one, pretty much at random, and tucked in. And finally, I reach the point of this blowhardinous exposition… It’s great! I picked up _The Innocents Abroad_, Twain’s description of an extended cruise around the perimeter of the Mediterranean. Now, I’m a big fan of travel writing – Paul Theroux is a particular favorite. Twain shines. It’s astoundingly non-PC. From today’s perspective he’s an unforgivable cultural imperialist. But he’s undeniably perceptive and he focuses as often on his fellow American passengers as he does on the natives they encounter. In an odd way, he reminds me of Vonnegut. He’s so honest, economical and essentially American. I have to iron a shirt and go to bed now. So, I’ll sum up… Twain good. Read some. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/2 "2002-12-16T06:42:29Z")
You read Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer in high school? I read that in grade school. Third grade. While I was bedridden from a flu. ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/3 "2002-12-16T06:53:09Z")
Oh yeah, well I read them while I was still in the womb. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/4 "2002-12-16T07:32:42Z")
I helped ole Sam, we always called him Sam, write them. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/5 "2002-12-16T07:47:13Z")
I once saw Halley’s comet. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/6 "2002-12-16T08:09:51Z")
P’shaw. I done first tutered the boy in his letters when he was knee hi to a grashoper. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/7 "2002-12-16T12:38:13Z")
I _love_ Twain – but I’m not fond of Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn. If you liked **The Innocents Abroad** , read his other travel works: \*\*Roughing it A Tramp Abroad Following the Equator\*\* (Critics disparage the later travel books, but I love them. And Roughing it is an early one) The book that really turned me onto Twain was **A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court** , which I highly recommend. His autobiographical **Life on the Mississippi** is also superb. And don’t miss the collection **Letters from the Earth**. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/8 "2002-12-16T15:11:15Z")
“Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” You might check your local video store (or library) for a tape of Hal Holbrook doing Mark Twain – I think it’s called “Mark Twain Tonight” but I wouldn’t swear to it. Wonderful fun for Twain lovers. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/9 "2002-12-16T15:19:30Z")
Many years ago there were some excellent Mark Twain adaptations done for public TV (I think Nebraska public TV). They’re available on videotape (I haven’t seen them on DVD – the Mark Twain House in Hartford has them, if you can’t find them elsewhere).: **The Innocents Abroad** (with David Ogden Stiers as the Doctor!) \*\*Life on the Mississippi The Mysterious Stranger Pudd’nhead Wilson A Private History of a Campaign that Failed \*\* and **The War Prayer** all on one tape and one other one I can’t remember. I don’t know if Hal Holbrook’s **Mark Twain Tonight!** is available on video (Holbrook compiled the show himself, and it’s been on TV more than once), but I do have a copy of the script, which was published as a paperback. ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/10 "2002-12-16T15:38:10Z")
OH yeah, Roughing It is great. I especially like the chapters about the Genuine Mexican Plug. Good stuff. I was actually introduced to that before Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn (which I read in highschool and college, I’m so behind the curve). Enjoy the set, it sounds lovely! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/11 "2002-12-16T19:08:58Z")
_Innocents Abroad_ may be my favorite Twain work. The line about “if you’re looking to buy crippled beggars in wholesale lots, then Constantinople is the place to go” just cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/12 "2002-12-16T19:14:36Z")
I love _The Innocents Abroad_! I read it for AP Literature (we had to read something nonfiction) back in HS. It kills me! I especially like the ascent of Gibraltar. Just thinking of it is making me giggle at my desk. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/13 "2002-12-16T20:00:25Z")
Twain is one of my favorite writers. If I can write an essay that even approaches his lesser works, I would consider that an accomplisment. Library of America compiled his essays and speeches in two works. They’re well worth getting. Fast reads, and many of them are lesser-known but just as much fun. ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/14 "2002-12-16T20:04:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kyla \* > **I love _The Innocents Abroad_!** I believe copyright has expired on this, so I’ll take the liberty of an extensive quote from what I consider one of the best pieces of travel writing ever: > [@](#): > > The guides in Genoa are delighted to secure an American party, because Americans so much wonder, and deal so much in sentiment and emotion before any relic of Columbus. Our guide there fidgeted about as if he had swallowed a spring mattress. He was full of animation–full of impatience. He said: > > “Come wis me, genteelmen!–come! I show you ze letter writing by Christopher Colombo!–write it himself!–write it wis his own hand!–come!” > > He took us to the municipal palace. After much impressive fumbling of keys and opening of locks, the stained and aged document was spread before us. The guide’s eyes sparkled. He danced about us and tapped the parchment with his finger: > > “What I tell you, genteelmen! Is it not so? See! handwriting Christopher Colombo!–write it himself!” > > We looked indifferent–unconcerned. The doctor examined the document very deliberately, during a painful pause.–Then he said, without any show of interest: > > “Ah–Ferguson–what–what did you say was the name of the party who wrote this?” > > “Christopher Colombo! ze great Christopher Colombo!” > > Another deliberate examination. > > “Ah–did he write it himself; or–or how?” > > “He write it himself!–Christopher Colombo! He’s own hand-writing, write by himself!” > > Then the doctor laid the document down and said: > > “Why, I have seen boys in America only fourteen years old that could write better than that.” > > “But zis is ze great Christo–” > > “I don’t care who it is! It’s the worst writing I ever saw. Now you musn’t think you can impose on us because we are strangers. We are not fools, by a good deal. If you have got any specimens of penmanship of real merit, trot them out!–and if you haven’t, drive on!” Twain and “the doctor” then proceed to torture their guide for the rest of the chapter… > [@](#): > > There is one remark (already mentioned,) which never yet has failed to disgust these guides. We use it always, when we can think of nothing else to say. After they have exhausted their enthusiasm pointing out to us and praising the beauties of some ancient bronze image or broken-legged statue, we look at it stupidly and in silence for five, ten, fifteen minutes–as long as we can hold out, in fact–and then ask: > > “Is–is he dead?” > > That conquers the serenest of them. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/15 "2002-12-16T20:23:36Z")
[Project Gutenberg](http://digital.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/author?name=Twain%2C%20Mark) has a huge Twain collection online, including Innocents Abroad. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/16 "2002-12-16T20:24:23Z")
One of the greatest must-have reference books ever written is Mark Twain A-Z by Kent Rasmussen. (You can usually get a copy on [half.com](http://half.com) or some other discount book service for around $10.) It’s filled with analyses of his works, more biographical information than you could ever want, great illustrations, and generally, to quote Ed MacMahon, “Every thing in the world you could ever wanna know” about his life and writings. The Ken Burns documentary, aired last year on PBS and available on video, is also fantastic. Hal Holbrook was actually interviewed as an authority. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/17 "2002-12-16T20:54:41Z")
I loved the line in Innocents when they sneaked ashore on the French Riviera. “… and donning the Grand Cordon of the Legion of Honor so as to render ourselves inconspicuous …” ---
**Author:** ![Number](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/number/32/242_2.png) [@Number](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Number)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/18 "2002-12-16T21:00:50Z")
Feh. I’m still bitter at him for not actually saying “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.” It sounds just like something he would say, and I’ve been repeating it for years. Then [snopes](http://www.snopes.com/quotes/twain.htm) goes and tells me that it wasn’t he. Argh. He darn well _should_ have said it. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/19 "2002-12-16T21:41:43Z")
Twains’ [_Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses_](http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~jparsons/twain/cooper1.html) is side-splittingly funny. It starts out with > [@](#): > > The Pathfinder and The Deerslayer stand at the head of Cooper’s novels as artistic creations. There are others of his works which contain parts as perfect as are to be found in these, and scenes even more thrilling. Not one can be compared with either of them as a finished whole. > > The defects in both of these tales are comparatively slight. They were pure works of art. > > – Prof. Lounsbury > > The five tales reveal an extraordinary fullness of invention. > > …One of the very greatest characters in fiction, Natty Bumppo… > > The craft of the woodsman, the tricks of the trapper, all the delicate art of the forest, were familiar to Cooper from his youth up. > > – Prof. Brander > > Cooper is the greatest artist in the domain of romantic fiction yet produced by America > > ## – Wilkie Collins > > It seems to me that it was far from right for the Professor of English Literature in Yale, the Professor of English Literature in Columbia, and Wilkie Collins to deliver opinions on Cooper’s literature without having read some of it. It would have been much more decorous to keep silent and let persons talk who have read Cooper. > > Cooper’s art has some defects. In one place in Deerslayer, and in the restricted space of two-thirds of a page, Cooper has scored 114 offenses against literary art out of a possible 115. It breaks the record. > > There are nineteen rules governing literary art in the domain of romantic fiction–some say twenty-two. In Deerslayer Cooper violated eighteen of them. and just keeps going. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027/20 "2002-12-16T22:01:05Z")
i think that everything that i read by him is HILARIOUS. Tom sawyer and puddinhead wilson are my favorites. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mark-twain-is-most-excellent/143027.md?page=2)