# Marriage: Be right or be happy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [December 10, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943 "2013-12-10T01:49:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/1 "2013-12-10T01:49:26Z")
> **[My dad gave me this advice about marriage](https://9gag.com/gag/a6wqj1e)** > > 17,012 points • 83 comments What do people think about this advice? Is it partly true? ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/2 "2013-12-10T02:13:06Z")
If those are the only two options a person has I suspect they married the wrong person and are unhappy. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/3 "2013-12-10T02:30:49Z")
I can dig it. It works in almost any relationship. I have lots of friends who hold different opinions, values, and beliefs. It’s absolutely fine to “Agree to disagree” and change the topic. I don’t have to be right. I can let those matters go, and be perfectly happy. Note that the choice wasn’t “Be wrong.” Just “not be right.” Big damn difference there! ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/4 "2013-12-10T02:36:49Z")
It’s true of almost everything. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/5 "2013-12-10T02:44:35Z")
Being right often comes at a very high cost. Choose your battles wisely. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/6 "2013-12-10T03:05:04Z")
You will be right or wrong interchangeably, it takes little effort to be permanently unhappy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/7 "2013-12-10T03:07:35Z")
“Be right or be happy” - too simplistic. Pick your battles is good advice; drop it and don’t force the issue can also be good advice; life is not as simple as that saying implies. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/8 "2013-12-10T03:15:06Z")
Do one on even numbered days and the other on odd numbered days. (Really, life is way more complex than that.) ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/9 "2013-12-10T04:14:45Z")
I just showed that gag to my SO. I asked her “So, does this indicate a silly stereotyped marital combativeness, or does it contain wisdom for all interpersonal relationships?” She replied “Yes.” Eh. When she’s right, she’s right. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/10 "2013-12-10T05:25:21Z")
A bit of wisdom that might work better - “How’s that working out for you?” (Thanks, Dr. Phil.) If you’re fighting constantly and you enjoy the sparks, fine. If you never fight and you enjoy the peace and quiet, fine. If you’re fighting constantly and you’re miserable, not so fine. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/11 "2013-12-10T07:12:09Z")
That kind of crap advice is exactly what is wrong with the country today. No “maybe we’re both a little bit right” or “maybe I don’t understand your position” or “maybe I’m not explaining myself well enough.” Nope, two cast in concrete positions, and you only give up your absolutely correct one in order to get laid or something. Is that guy Ted Cruz? As for me, I’ve been married happily for 34 years and have never felt that once. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/12 "2013-12-10T08:10:40Z")
I don’t even know what that alternative means. Sounds like a “false dichotomy” to me. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/13 "2013-12-10T08:41:24Z")
There’s a saying around here: “Don’t be right - be smart”. Words to live by. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/14 "2013-12-10T09:39:57Z")
This right there is one of the things about heterosexuality that just confuses the hell out of me. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/15 "2013-12-10T09:48:11Z")
c) Image macros are usually wrong. Be right = create ill will, become unhappy Fall over when SO insists they are right = suppress your feelings, become unhappy IMHO it is more important to know _when_ to do either. If it’s heading towards a fight and emotions rule, find common ground. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/16 "2013-12-10T09:48:43Z")
That seems wildly optimistic. It’s possible to not get either. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/17 "2013-12-10T10:09:39Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > This right there is one of the things about heterosexuality that just confuses the hell out of me. What, because gay relationships are simpler? ---
**Author:** ![Einstein\_was\_a\_Hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e99b99/32.png) [@Einstein\_was\_a\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Einstein_was_a_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/18 "2013-12-10T11:50:28Z")
You never win a fight even if you win. Better to be happy. To hell with being right, even if you “prove” you’re right, you lose. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/19 "2013-12-10T13:44:49Z")
The thing is, the people I know who need this advice tend to want to be right about stupid shit: they need to convince the other person to drive home from work on a different route, because their way is inefficient, or they think Captain America is clearly better than Thor, or that the dishwasher needs to be loaded a certain way, or groceries shopped for in a certain order, or towels folded properly or whatever. Alternatively, they play the accuracy police by correcting their spouse about irrelevant details (that wasn’t four Chrismasses ago, it was five, I know because that was the year I had the bunion cut out and I remember being on crutches . . .). This is especially egregious when it’s done in public. People like this think they are being logical and helpful when they show their spouse the error of their ways, but really they are failing to take into consideration that the other person may have different priorities, different concerns, different reasons for how they do things, or in the case of details, may be inaccurate because they don’t really care. I do think that for a lot of people learning that it’s okay to let other people be “wrong” about things that don’t affect you and that are fundamentally trivial is an important stage in their development, and it’s often described as “I’d rather be happy than right”. But it doesn’t mean you just “yes, dear” everything your spouse says, or roll over like a log when it comes to making decisions that need to be made as a couple. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943/20 "2013-12-10T14:07:11Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > This right there is one of the things about heterosexuality that just confuses the hell out of me. Look at it this way: In a relationship, the woman controls 50% of the decisions, but 100% of the vagina. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-be-right-or-be-happy/675943.md?page=2)