# Marriage: husband wants kids, wife doesn't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 27, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970 "2012-03-27T19:34:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970/101 "2012-03-30T19:48:27Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > I was making a joke about the nature of the SDMB. To be fair, it was a pretty accurate joke. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970/102 "2012-03-30T19:56:45Z")
Regarding the happiness debate, I wonder where the biological imperative plays into that. Weā€™re talking about wanting kids and having kids like wanting and getting a new car, but itā€™s much more than that - from what I understand, some people want kids like they want to breathe (I havenā€™t experienced that myself). ā€œHappinessā€ might be moot in that discussion - people have kids because their bodies demand that they have them. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970/103 "2012-03-30T20:14:56Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Regarding the happiness debate, I wonder where the biological imperative plays into that. Weā€™re talking about wanting kids and having kids like wanting and getting a new car, but itā€™s much more than that - from what I understand, some people want kids like they want to breathe (I havenā€™t experienced that myself). ā€œHappinessā€ might be moot in that discussion - people have kids because their bodies demand that they have them. Thatā€™s kind of where Iā€™m at right now. Around age 27 it was like a switch was flipped on and I feel a physical _need_ to have children. Iā€™ve always wanted kids, down the road, but the biological imperative has created a sense of urgencyā€¦ and the older I get, the more powerful the feeling gets. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970/104 "2012-03-30T21:12:14Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Regarding the happiness debate, I wonder where the biological imperative plays into that. Weā€™re talking about wanting kids and having kids like wanting and getting a new car, but itā€™s much more than that - from what I understand, some people want kids like they want to breathe (I havenā€™t experienced that myself). ā€œHappinessā€ might be moot in that discussion - people have kids because their bodies demand that they have them. Canā€™t speak to that, as it never happened to me. Unless the sense of satisfaction and fulfilment I get from my kid is some subtle and elaborate version of that. But before I had the kid, I didnā€™t feel any biological-type overwhelming urge (at least that I was aware of), and we had our kid somewhat late. Some people have expressed a deep instinctive-type need to have kids, but it is by no means a universal. As far as I know, we did not arrive at our decision that way. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970/105 "2012-03-30T21:45:35Z")
I think I smashed my biological clock when I was a pre-teen. Iā€™m in early 30s now, and still nothing. Iā€™m very grateful about that. I am very hopeful that I will avoid the urge altogether. If I have children, it needs to be a rational, decided choice, not OMG \*hormones \*must have babby NOW!!eleventy! I think I would very much resent an intense out-of-nowhere urge to have children when I have a lot of negative history with the concept, and general personal conflicts about having kids myself. If my clock did decide to go off, I donā€™t know for sure, but I have a feeling I would treat it like I currently do my moods fuelled by depression and anxiety - my BODY wants me to feel this way, I do NOT feel this way. Also, Lynn, you are really awesome. Iā€™m sorry you were forced by circumstances into something you didnā€™t want, and I think youā€™re a really strong and loving person to choose to hurt yourself rather than your family. I think that speaks loudly about your ability to care, and Iā€™m sorry that personality trait became the means for a constant sorrow. Life sucks sometimes. You are very brave to be honest about your life and your feelings. If I have a kid and remain as conflicted about parenting as I am now, I can only hope that Iā€™ll be equally brave to be honest about my feelings when people ask me. I want to be, but I am often not that brave. I do think itā€™s important that people learn that life isnā€™t all perfect choices and black and white emotional states, and that sometimes hurts donā€™t heal with time and familiarity. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-husband-wants-kids-wife-doesnt/616970.md?page=5)