# Marriage proposals in same-sex couples **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 29, 2016, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041 "2016-10-29T18:52:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/21 "2016-10-31T01:47:44Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > It seems like you’ve come upon the basis for the rule. Queen Victoria was the more “powerful” part of the couple and certainly the one who could be viewed as being in a position to “take care of” the other. It would perhaps have even been considered impertinent for him to propose to her. > So if we’re looking for an answer to the question of who proposes to whom we should look for who is the more successful of the two. If there’s an imbalance of power in a relationship, it rarely has anything to do with which one is more successful. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/22 "2016-10-31T16:53:00Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > In male-male couples, it is always the man who proposes. In female-female couples, it is never the man who proposes. > > I’m not sure what answer is even possible beyond that. With most male/male relationships, they are smart enough to NOT get married! (So they don’t even ask.) ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/23 "2016-10-31T18:21:54Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > With most male/male relationships, they are smart enough to NOT get married! (So they don’t even ask.) :dubious: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/13/upshot/the-most-detailed-map-of-gay-marriage-in-america.html?\_r=0](http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/13/upshot/the-most-detailed-map-of-gay-marriage-in-america.html?_r=0) > [@](#): > > 55 percent involved same-sex women and 45 percent same-sex men. That’s not resoundingly different. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/24 "2016-10-31T18:46:12Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Awww. That’s very very cool. 🙂 I was thinking this too! Aww how sweet ! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/25 "2016-10-31T19:04:18Z")
Among my age/education cohort, and among the hetero couples, I’d say roughly 1/3 were female proposals. It is rapidly becoming more common as lots of other stupid gender stuff breaks down. So I suspect we’ll all be figuring the rules for proposals in the new millenium together. Or, perhaps more likely, the whole idea of the proposal will go the way of the dowry. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/26 "2016-10-31T19:15:09Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Among my age/education cohort, and among the hetero couples, I’d say roughly 1/3 were female proposals. It is rapidly becoming more common as lots of other stupid gender stuff breaks down. Your experience seems to be an outlier. I did some online checking and the figure for women proposing in male/female couples seems to be around five percent. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/27 "2016-10-31T19:22:23Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Your experience seems to be an outlier. I did some online checking and the figure for women proposing in male/female couples seems to be around five percent. I’m sure it is an outlier among all adults, though it might well be representative of my cohort. The question is what direction we’re moving, though, and I think that’s pretty obvious even without looking at the data. Don’t you think the rate of female proposals in hetero couples is increasing? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/28 "2016-10-31T19:25:27Z")
Well, if you include "Marry me"ultimatum, which seem to be an ever popular pastime amongst certain cohorts of females. ---
**Author:** ![Disheavel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/29 "2016-10-31T21:59:38Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Among my age/education cohort, and among the hetero couples, I’d say roughly 1/3 were female proposals. It is rapidly becoming more common as lots of other stupid gender stuff breaks down. > > So I suspect we’ll all be figuring the rules for proposals in the new millenium together. Or, perhaps more likely, the whole idea of the proposal will go the way of the dowry. I know that others are jumping on you on your statistic, but I have to agree that this is far closer to what I’ve been hearing in my cohort recently. But the area which totally blows my mind is the number of name changers that are still around. I can’t fathom how people (particularly women) are continuing to change their last names. It just seems so antiquated and I thought it would have been long dead by now, but I still see Ph.D. educated women changing their last name let alone others doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041/30 "2016-11-01T00:47:31Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Well, if you include "Marry me"ultimatum, which seem to be an ever popular pastime amongst certain cohorts of females. Many women are finding the most effective plan is to get two back-up dancers and advise their man that if he likes it, he should put a ring on it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marriage-proposals-in-same-sex-couples/770041.md?page=1)