# Married/attached Dopers -- how do you adress your in-laws? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880 "2002-10-25T19:56:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/1 "2002-10-25T19:56:44Z")
On television, you commonly hear characters call their in-laws by their first names. In contrast, where I grew up, it’s customary to call in-laws by their first name preceded by “Mister” or “Miss” (I think that’s a folksy thing). I call my in-laws “Mr. Dave” and “Miss Yvonne”. What do you all do? Does anyone stick with “Mr. Jones / Mrs. Jones”? That seems a little too formal, yet “Dave” sounds too familiar for a father-in-law. Some people might actually call their in-laws “Dad” and “Mom” (or their equivalents). ---
**Author:** ![Snugglebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snugglebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snugglebear)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/2 "2002-10-25T20:31:02Z")
I call mine by their first names because thats what we agreed on from the begining. It feels the most comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/3 "2002-10-25T20:41:19Z")
Usually by their first names. Once in a while Mom or Dad. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/4 "2002-10-25T20:42:03Z")
I call mine by their first names, with a very occasional ‘Mom’ thrown in to make her feel good. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/5 "2002-10-25T21:07:54Z")
My wife and I call our respective in-laws by first names. If we tried to use “Mr.” and “Mrs.,” we’d get laughed into the yard. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/6 "2002-10-25T21:18:18Z")
I call mine Mom and Dad, on the advice of one of their son-in-laws. My family HATES that I do that. “You only have one Mom and Dad”. Sheesh. My grandmother NEVER told my dad what to call her, so he never called her anything. For 40 years. Bitch. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/7 "2002-10-25T21:47:29Z")
First names. I had to break my husband of calling my parents Mr. & Mrs. (last name), which just sounded silly, but he grew up where you called your elders that way. I grew up calling my aunts and uncles by their first names _sans_ the aunt and uncle part. I’d never call my in-laws Mom or Dad. For one, I don’t like them. For another, I’m just not that intimate with anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/8 "2002-10-25T21:52:06Z")
“Mom and Dad” would be just too weird. As would the “Mr. and Miss” thing…are you from the South or something? I call mine “Jim and Nancy.” Which freaks them out, because their names are “Bill and Mary.” ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/9 "2002-10-25T22:12:24Z")
I call my in-laws by their first names, and that’s what I’ve always called them. My mother-in-law invited me to call her “mom” once hubby and I were married, but I told her (only half-joking) that I like her too much to do that to her! ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/10 "2002-10-25T22:32:30Z")
I call my SO’s family members (parents, etc.) by what they’ve asked me to call 'em by. Although, I always forget names, so usually I’m scrambling to find a way to politely say ‘hey, you!’ until their name comes up in the conversation. 😉 * * * \<\< Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue… \>\> ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/11 "2002-10-25T22:37:45Z")
My wife and I address our in-laws by their first names. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2002, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/12 "2002-10-25T23:23:58Z")
I call then “those dead people.” 😃 If they were alive? Well, from what I’ve heard about Mr. S’s dad, I’d be avoiding him as much as possible. His mother, I’d ask what she wanted me to call her, and I’m guessing that would be first name. Hm. I’ll ask him when he gets home what the other kids-in-law called her. Mr. S has never really addressed my parents directly – we tend to make clear whom we’re talking to by body language, eye contact, content of conversation, etc. But I think he would use first names also. He’s only 10-15 years younger than them, so Mom/Dad would be silly. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/13 "2002-10-26T00:23:27Z")
I met them when I was 14, so they were always Mr & Mrs Surname. When we were engaged, my FIL asked me to stop calling him Mr Surname, and just call him Dad. MIL (who doesn’t like me) just turned away and looked out the window when he said this. So for a few years, it was Dad and Mrs Surname. 😛 After a while, I figured this situation was ludicrous, and now I call her nothing. You know how you can always phrase a question another way, or get someone’s attention without actually addressing them ? That’s been the situation with my MIL for the last six years. It works for me, because while I love my FIL very much and am happy to call him ‘Dad’, I wouldn’t call my MIL ‘mum’. Things are getting better, though, so maybe one day it will be ‘Dad’ and ‘first name’. 😃 My husband called my parents Mr and Mrs Surname until asked by them (two years after we were engaged) to call them by their first names. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/14 "2002-10-26T00:30:16Z")
I call my in-laws by their first names; Mrs. Bricker calls my mom Mom. It just worked out that way… ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/15 "2002-10-26T00:32:01Z")
if only this thead was in the pit, then i could go through the list of the things I call my MIL ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/16 "2002-10-26T00:33:41Z")
My father-in-law, I addressed as Kenny. My mother-in-law I last addressed with,“Leave you evil woman or I will call the police.” My hubby calls my mom and dad, mom and dad. ---
**Author:** ![Oy\_Vey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dbc845/32.png) [@Oy\_Vey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy_Vey)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/17 "2002-10-26T01:47:59Z")
My wife calls my parents mom & dad, while I address hers (all 4) by their given names. My parents did pretty much the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/18 "2002-10-26T02:06:34Z")
When my wife and I started dating at age 15, I called them Mr. or Mrs. After we got married, I called them “mom” and “dad”, but I didn’t do so a lot. After a few more years, I called them by their first names. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/19 "2002-10-26T03:53:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Goo \* > \*\* When we were engaged, my FIL asked me to stop calling him Mr Surname, and just call him Dad. MIL (who doesn’t like me) just turned away and looked out the window when he said this. \*\* :eek: Is it just me or is it **cold** in here? Brrr, what a bitch of an MIL, Goo. Sounds a little like mine. When I have to address her directly, I do call her by her first name, though. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/20 "2002-10-26T04:00:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > **"Mom and Dad" would be just too weird. As would the “Mr. and Miss” thing…are you from the South or something?** Yes … born and raised in New Orleans. Lived their until age 29, and all of our family is still there. I think appending “Mister/Miss” to an elder’s first name is a New Orleans thing more than a pan-Southern thing. Actually, any familiar, non-related elder adult (family friends, congenial neighbors, well-liked schoolteachers, etc.) get the “Mister/Miss” treatment. I call my wife’s grandfather “Mr. Harold.” He’s from Indiana, and finds my naming practice for him unusual, so he ribs me by calling me “Mr. Doug.” I’m mildly surprised to find the first-name only deal being aas common as it is. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880.md?page=2)