# Married/attached Dopers -- how do you adress your in-laws? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880 "2002-10-25T19:56:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CBEscapee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@CBEscapee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBEscapee)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/21 "2002-10-26T04:00:44Z")
¡Don Pancho y Doña Lola! ---
**Author:** ![mdf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@mdf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mdf)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/22 "2002-10-26T05:05:59Z")
I’d love to be able to call my in-laws anything at all - they both died within a few months of each other about 2 years ago. I couldn’t have picked a better MIL than Donna. Bob always tried to come off as a grump, but even he would pet the dogs if he thought he wouldn’t be seen. Tessa has always called my parents by their first names. -mdf ---
**Author:** ![Lorenzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4da419/32.png) [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/23 "2002-10-26T06:16:53Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever called them anything. We have this mutual misunderstanding that we don’t talk to each other, other than the perfunctory “Good Morning,” “Hello,” or “Good Evening.” Look up the word “leech” in the dictionary and you will find their pictures. They come stay with us for months at a time, my wife pays for their bus tickets and they freeload off us the whole time they are here. But I digress. ---
**Author:** ![Washte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/24 "2002-10-26T14:24:29Z")
Even after being married over 2 years now, I am still unsure what to call my MIL. Usually I just talk to her. If I have to get her attention, or ring on the phone, I use her first name. I have called her ‘mum’ a few times, but with my funky American accent, she doesn’t respond until I call her first name, loud and sharply :rolleyes: - she must think I’m constantly cross with her or upset at something… When hubby and I first got together, I used to call her Mrs. (hubby’s) Surname, until hubby laughingly pointed out to me that her surname was different from his… :smack: Hubby calls my mom ‘Mommy Surname’ most of the time. He does use her first name occasionally though. He called my Dad (RIP) either by his first name, or just Dad. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/25 "2002-10-26T14:49:32Z")
Both my wife and I call each other’s parents simply by the first name, though my MIL refers to herself as my Mom #2 (I don’t call her Mom myself). ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/26 "2002-10-26T15:24:03Z")
I call them by their first names, or more rarely “mother” or “father” - my SO refers to his parents as “The Mother” and “The Father”. Actually, I don’t tend to address them in a way that requires a first name. I don’t tend to call people by their names. I find it uncomfortable for some reason. I’d always rather say “Do you want a cup of tea” than “Meg, do you want a cup of tea”. I’m weird. I get on really well with my SO’s parents, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Highway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Highway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Highway)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/27 "2002-10-26T15:28:06Z")
If I have to address them by name, I will use their first name. Usually I rig it so I don’t use names, either directly talking to them or ‘your mom or dad’ talking to my wife or her brother. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/28 "2002-10-26T15:31:53Z")
When I **was** married I called them by their first names and the wife did the same except she would call my mother, your mother, unless she was talking directly to her. I had known them for five years before we got married and that’s what I had always called them. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/29 "2002-10-26T18:05:25Z")
We aren’t married, but I call my SO’s parents by their first names. It just seems silly at almost 40 to be calling someone else’s parents mom and dad. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/30 "2002-10-26T18:28:57Z")
It took a while, but I call them by their first names. It just took a while for me to be comfortable with it. My DH calls my dad “Sir”, it has become somewhat of a joke by now. He calls my mom by her first name. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2002, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/31 "2002-10-26T23:00:25Z")
Ivylad calls my folks by their first names, and I call his folks Mum and Dad. It’s not confusing to me, because my father is Daddy to me, and since his SO is not my mother, I call her by her first name. My mother has been out of the picture for a long time now, so Ivylad’s mother is my mum, as is Daddy’s SO. (That sounded very confusing. Do I need to draw a diagram?) ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/32 "2002-10-27T00:08:49Z")
Timely topic. My husband calls my folks by first names, and I call his mom and her husband by their first names. It’s always been that way and has never been any kind of a problem. But my husband is re-establishing contact with his father after 10 years of virtually no contact. His parents went through a very acrimonious divorce, and there was a lot of bad blood. My husband is willing to put his hard feelings behind him, and I suppose his dad is too. The upshot is that I have only ever met the guy twice, and we are scheduled to go pumpkin picking tomorrow. I have no clue what to call him. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/33 "2002-10-27T00:58:58Z")
I am not married, but I know my SO’s family very well. I call them all by their first names, and I have since I met them. That is how they were introduced to me, and I was told that it was fine to call them by their first names, so there you have it. My SO calls my mom and dad (and all of my family) by their first names. My sister’s SO does the same, except that occasionally he calls my dad" Mr. First Last, SIR!" when we are teasing him 🙂 But then, my sis’s SO actually works for my dad, so at work he has to be formal (private golf club) and so he brings that home sometimes 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/34 "2002-10-27T05:42:34Z")
My wife has called her parents “Nini” and “Deeya” since babyhood, so I call them the same - as do her good friends. She calls my father Dad, like me, and called my mother Mom. My stepmother we call by her first name, when we’re being charitable, that is. ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/35 "2002-10-27T06:19:05Z")
From when we first started dating, I called my wife’s parents by thier first names (by their request). It was somewhat awkward, as I had _always_, as a child, called my parents’ contemporaries Mr. or Mrs. [Lastname]. In fact, it was awkward in general to be around parents of friends around that time (I was about 25), because I was never sure what to call them. Last names seemed too formal (and many of my friends’ parents were very informal people) but first names just seemd _wrong_. They still do, sometimes. Now that we’re married, I still use their first names, but I’ll throw in an occasional “mom” or “dad”. It still feels weird, but I imagine I’ll get used to it eventually. That’s good, because I think it makes them feel good - I have the world’s coolest in-laws and know just how lucky that makes me. I know that my father called my mom’s mom “mom” for many years. She was the only parent they had left between them at the time (I don’t know if that had any bearing on the choice). However, all of her sons-in-law called her mom - she was like that. My wife calls my parents by their first names (always has), although occasionally she calls my dad “papa [firstname]”. He thinks it’s cute. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/36 "2002-10-27T06:25:45Z")
I call my MIL ‘o-kaa-san’ which basically translates as ‘Mom’. AFAIK, this is the standard form of address for Japanese in-laws. My wife calls my parents by their first names. ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/37 "2002-10-27T17:41:55Z")
I had no problem deciding what to call my in-laws. Both are remarried, and my husband addresses his steps by their first names, so it makes sense for me to do it too. It would be weird if I addressed them as Mr. M— and Judy, or Mrs. E— and Mike. I just call them all by their first names, and am comfortable doing so. My husband had a bit harder time calling my parents by their first names, and my sister’s (now ex-) bf never was able to. ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/38 "2002-10-27T18:11:27Z")
Hi people _waves_ (I have worked up the nerve to make my first post and this seemed a likely spot) 🙂 My now-deceased MIL, I called “ma” which she seemed to like. My FIL, I call “Salty”, his nickname from the navy which is what everyone, including his kids, calls him. My husband calls my parents “mom” or “dad” or any permutation thereof, which they seem to enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/39 "2002-10-27T19:08:32Z")
I call mine “Diane and Marlin” and “Joe and Sandy”. Since I’m the only kid-in-law at the moment, it’s a little awkward to call them Mom and Marlin or Dad and Sandy. And, no. I have the world’s greatest in-laws. 🙂 Robin ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880/40 "2002-10-27T19:31:10Z")
Hi, Triss. Welcome to the Boards!! Norine [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-attached-dopers-how-do-you-adress-your-in-laws/133880.md?page=3)