We just get in big yelling fights, then make up. It’s been working for almost 8 years now. I am so emotional and he still loves me, so he’s a keeper.
This is the sweetest thing ever! I couldn’t see being too annoyed by it. 
After ten years in a successful relationship, I don’t even know if I can think of a single thing he does that bothers me…
Well, I guess he does get distracted easily while driving. He doesn’t watch the stop light, he takes forever in the bathroom, he takes forever to eat, he always has to use the bathroom right before we leave the house, he puts my junk mail in my mailbox instead of throwing it away, he can’t pass a water fountain without drinking from it, he licks food off of his plate, he irritates my cat on purpose, he’s paranoid and OCD about locking doors, he procrastinates on getting his hair cut, he won’t let me eat in bed, he nags like a mofo…
Wait, where was I going with this?
Seriously, the first step is accepting that your partner is not going to change, and that these things really don’t matter in the big picture. The second step is, when you’re about to open your mouth and harp on him for something petty, try to remember something you do that irritates him, that you cannot change - and be grateful. It drives my husband nuts that whenever I turn on a faucet, for any reason, water gets on the floor. Even when I actively try not to get water on the floor, I get water on the floor. But he knows this is an inherent part of my being and just makes fun of me instead. Sometimes teasing is a good outlet - but it can be overdone.
Some things that seem small do matter more than you might think. You have to know when to back down. My husband really hates it when I eat in bed. I mean, he becomes disproportionally upset about it. So, I don’t eat in bed. Eating in bed is not more important to me than my relationship with him. Conversely, he has finally given in on the hair cutting thing, because that’s something I get irrationally upset about. It doesn’t really matter who is ‘‘right.’’ It matters that we have more peace than we have aggravation.
I think that’s really the crux of it. When you’re in that moment, about to lose your shit over something really petty, ask yourself: ''Is getting my way about this more important than harmony in this relationship?" The answer is usually no.
I remind myself that the chances of finding someone who doesn’t do something that annoys me is vanishingly small.
And try to understand where your partner’s coming from. Mine is a horrible, horrible backseat driver (well, passenger seat). Every time we drive it’s a whole slew of comments: “Watch out. Slow down. It’s green. Watch out for that guy. Look out. Put on your turn signal.” I have snapped and said things but on some level I think he just can’t help myself and I try to remember that I also do/say things that I just can’t help and they must annoy him, too.
He also has the OCD habit of going back to check just one more time - did we leave anything? Is the door unlocked? Did I turn off the stove? I could take this as criticism or him not believing that I took care of it, but I realize he’s just doing it for his own peace of mind and I just say “Go ahead and check, it’ll make you feel better.”
We used to get in big yelling fights and then make up. But we didn’t like it one bit. Now we never get into those fights…but we’ve also come to a compromise on it. He kind of had the idea that couples never fight, and I point out that two dramatically different personalities will bicker when put together, and it’s acceptable. I think he understands that every time we argue it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.
After over 2 decades of marriage, there are more than a few things about my wife that annoy me.
You know what? These things are worth putting up with. I happen to love her, and wouldn’t want to be without her. I’m a lucky man.
Besides, I’m sure there are plenty of things about me that annoy her, because Lord knows I can be an annoying person to be around. Thank goodness she manages to put up with all that. Apparently she still thinks I’m worth it.
I haven’t tried that yet. 
As I get older, in some ways I’m getting more empathetic, because I realize we’re all flawed humans and I see where they’re coming from, and in others ways I’m getting less empathetic, because I know that you have to just suck some things up and just DO it.
I might be able to help you out with that one - I do the same thing, and here is the monologue running in my head nearly every time - “Do I have to go to the bathroom? No, not quite, maybe in half an hour or so. There’s a bathroom where we’re going, I can use that one - but why should I use a public bathroom when I have my own bathroom right here, ten steps away? I’ll just go now and be done with it.” Then I go pee, then we go.
I get into backseat driver mode with my husband, too, sometimes - when I can hear myself getting too worked up, I’ll say something like, “Why don’t I let you drive?” and try to keep my opinions to myself.
I personally handle it by being the source of the overwhelming majority of my marriage’s annoyances, so you’re probably asking the wrong person.
It’s kinda like going in the water at a beach - shocking at first, but you eventually get used to it if you want to have fun. Remember that any relationship is not about you, but about you two. If you want to live with someone you are going to have to learn to accept the things that may annoy you.
One thing you can do at this early stage is to gently mention the things that annoy you as they arise, and see how your partner reacts. THAT will give you an idea as to the fitness of being your spouse.
What’s that old adage?: A man marries a woman hoping she will never change, but she does. A woman marries a man hoping he will change, but he never does.
:eek:
Despite your cushioning it within a list of forgivable peccadilloes, this one’s a deal-breaker.
I suppose you could ask your beleaguered wife, for science. Just don’t hold me accountable for the resulting dawn of awareness and/or divorce.
ISTM that if it really drives me crazy, it isn’t a little flaw to be overlooked. Minor irritations, quirks and foibles, that’s one thing. Stuff that really gets on my nerves is another.
We used to get into arguments about cleaning and laundry and such. What we did, the first year we were married and saw the same argument happening over and over is divvy up the list of chores and agree that whoever did them had absolute responsibility, and no criticism was allowed unless it was serious. Don’t know if that would work for everyone - it does for us.
But little foibles is a different matter. I make jokes about it, to myself, and that usually takes the edge off.
True story: My wife has the habit of repeating whatever is said to her, so she can process it.
I said to her, early on: “You always repeat the last thing that is said to you. You must have echolalia.”
To which she replied, almost inevitably: “Echolalia?!?!”
Now, when she does it (excessively) I say “Echolalia?!?!?” and she either stops, or throws something at me.
I couldn’t say what she does to deal with my irritating habits, because I don’t have any.
Married 30 years, so far.
Regards,
Shodan
After 48 years, I have just learned they are not important. Presumably, she has come to the same conclusion. In fact as I write this, I can’t think of what she does that annoys me, so I guess I just suppress them.
But how did you get to that point? Did nothing about her bother you, ever? If your memory goes back that far, of course 
Married couples/long-term partners: how to overlook those little flaws that drive you nuts?
Alcohol is your friend.
Seriously, you just get over it. If little things bother you, I’d suggest never getting married.
I like the analogy Matt Dillion uses in the movie Singles. Basically he talks about how annoying it was living under the flight path for the airport. But when he moved, he missed the jet noise.
Wait, does he do it at home, or out in public? Lick your plate all you want at home, is my rule. Out at a restaurant, not so much.
We married when we were a bit older, so we both had lots of experience being single. I think in the beginning when little things popped up we automatically judged them as insignificant. I really enjoy being with him, laughing together, hanging out, etc. What’s a pair of socks on the floor up against all that? If I lived alone there wouldn’t be socks on the floor, sure, but neither would I get all the enjoyment of being with him. No contest, I pick up or step over the socks.
I guess I’d be repeating what other people have said, but still. . .
Whenever my wife does something that irritates me, I try to remember that I do stuff that irritates her too. In the long run none of that stuff matters, what matters is that we’re together and we’re happy we’re together.
As I get older, I find that I just don’t fucking care as much about a lot of things. So maybe don’t worry too much.
For example:
Meh.
(To forestall any rumors, Dung Beetle is not my wife.)