# Married Dopers: Do you have a "back up plan?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554 "2010-02-03T17:54:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/21 "2010-02-03T19:46:21Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > If your wife is like a couple of women I know who have informed their husbands that “divorce is not an option (and no amount of infidelity will make it one) but murder always is” . . . it’s a back-up plan. > > But it’s a fairly limited back-up plan. All joking aside, my sister said such things to her husband. Now he’s her ex-husband. One person can’t keep the other from leaving. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/22 "2010-02-03T19:50:18Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > If your wife is like a couple of women I know who have informed their husbands that “divorce is not an option (and no amount of infidelity will make it one) but murder always is” . . . it’s a back-up plan. > > But it’s a fairly limited back-up plan. Naw, we just never thought it through much. Though if we get divorced, presumably she would get equalization, child and spousal support. We have been married many years, have a kid, and a fair amount of personal property, and I’ve been earning a professional salary, so she’d make out pretty good if we split and I was still working. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/23 "2010-02-03T20:17:24Z")
I have a back-up plan. But making backup plans is just what I do- it makes me feel better, to have some idea of what I would do if some crisis happened. I have a back-up plan for finding myself suddenly thrown backwards in time, and I know that from the laws of physics as we understand them that’s impossible. I work. I am lousy at all the domestic stuff and hate doing it. I don’t see myself ever being a stay-at-home mom, for the same reason I don’t see Paris Hilton becoming a professor of physics. I just don’t have the skills or aptitudes I’d need for that job. I need to earn money so I can pay someone else to do all those chores I can’t or won’t do. I hated dating, too. My back-up plan if anything ever happened to him involves becoming a crazy cat lady. Mr. Neville says he thinks I would kill him if he tried to leave. He says that because I read murder mysteries. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/24 "2010-02-03T20:19:39Z")
Married male, with college for the last kid almost done and paid for. No backup plans for me, but I make plenty on my own. My wife has increased her work as the kids have gotten older, but more out of interest, not as a backup plan. I have a good hunk of life insurance, so if I get run over by a bus she’s got enough to both pay off the house and last her more or less forever. Since I’d only leave feet first, that’s good enough. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/25 "2010-02-03T20:21:22Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Mr. Neville says he thinks I would kill him if he tried to leave. He says that because I read murder mysteries. You could tell him that killing him if he tries to leave isn’t very mysterious. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/26 "2010-02-03T20:23:11Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I’ve arranged for a considerable amount of life insurance for myself, with my wife as beneficiary. Does that count? I suppose it is more her back up plan than mine. Likewise. It is vaguely depressing to realize that financially, the most responsible thing I could do for my family is die. But if the Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** wises up and dumps me, I am dead meat. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/27 "2010-02-03T20:25:19Z")
I’m a 41 year old man married to a SAHM. We have a backup plan in the case of my disability or death (insurance; she could go back to work if necessary). But it sounds like you’re talking about a backup plan in case the marriage doesn’t work out and one or both partners decide to split. No, I have no plan beyond trying to get in touch with [Jewel Staite](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0821612/). ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/28 "2010-02-03T20:29:44Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > You could tell him that killing him if he tries to leave isn’t very mysterious. 😉 Yeah, I would be the first and most obvious suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/29 "2010-02-03T20:32:09Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > We’ve got life insurance in case one of us dies or is incapacitated, but it feels like it would be morally wrong for me to have a backup plan for divorce. Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/30 "2010-02-03T20:36:27Z")
I’m a worrier by nature. I’m not a SAHM, but I am a grad student with a piddly stipend as my only income. I have extensive plans in place for how I would cut expenses and get more income in the case of hubby’s layoff/disability/death/divorce. While I probably do an unhealthy amount of worrying, giving some thought to how one could deal with those situations seems smart. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/31 "2010-02-03T20:50:38Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > I have a back-up plan. But making backup plans is just what I do- it makes me feel better, to have some idea of what I would do if some crisis happened. I have a back-up plan for finding myself suddenly thrown backwards in time, and I know that from the laws of physics as we understand them that’s impossible. I have one of those too! I also have a very detailed plan about what would happen if I survived an apocolypse of some kind. Like, 6 pages of typed plans. I also have a plan for what to do if we become targets for the mob and if our country turns for the worse and we have to make a hasty retreat to another part of the world. Why wouldn’t I also plan for the death/disablement of my spouse? ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/32 "2010-02-03T20:54:17Z")
My husband and I are in the process of creating a financial plan that includes contingencies in case something happens to one of us. Both of us work full time, but since we now have two children, the expenses have gone up significantly and we realize that, now more than ever, we need a handle on what our costs are and what would happen if one person were to lose their job, die, etc. So, yeah, I think a back-up plan is a smart idea. Putting your life in the hands of fate or someone else, especially if you have dependents that you might have to take care of on your own, seems unwise. Having a job isn’t necessary if you’re a stay-at-home spouse, but knowing and being able to categorize your skills in case you need one and understanding how much things cost and knowing how you’ll pay for them is crucial. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/33 "2010-02-03T21:03:15Z")
> [@kathmandu](#): > > Divorce isn’t the only contingency you need to plan for - your spouse could become disabled or get hit by a bus. Or just lose his job because the economy stinks. I would never be comfortable being completely financially dependent on anyone for just that reason. Having two incomes just gives you more flexibility and more options, should life decide to take a crap on you. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/34 "2010-02-03T21:04:27Z")
For those poster who were male and answered no, you do have a renumerative profession, right? The women in the OP, did not have any backup plan **or any way to support themselves outside of marriage**. I read that as no, or limited, job skills. So, if you have the ability to earn a living without your spouse (even if you do not do so currently) you do have a “back up plan” under the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/35 "2010-02-03T21:06:35Z")
Goodness. I have no children but I certainly do have a backup plan. I have my own money, in two separate accounts (seperate banks). I mean, I work, too, but I do keep in mind how I could live alone if I have to. I was not always this responsible - responsibility is something I learned late, but thankfully not the hard way. Now it’s just a natural thing. We’re not getting any younger, after all. I think SAHM should also have something funneling directly into an account that is not touched, if possible. If nothing else, it will be something to tide them over if something terrible does happen. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/36 "2010-02-03T21:45:11Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > My husband is surprisingly tolerant of my inclination to do this - it’s a good marriage. Of course he is. What’s a little burping when it lets the beautiful woman that you love run around almost naked? OP: Not married, but I wish my parents had a back-up plan. Not because they are divorced, but because they’ve run into some pretty dire financial straits. And my illness and having to live with them probably isn’t helping, even with my $600 “rent.” ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/37 "2010-02-03T21:51:22Z")
I am a SAHM…well at this point I guess I am really a housewife considering my children are grown (the youngest is 13). I have no plans to re-enter the work force but do have some marketable skills, certifications, and licenses that I keep current just in case I need to go back to work (without divorcing) but honestly after this long I doubt anyone would hire me. 😉 I don’t have a “back up plan” for divorce. I do know my state’s guidelines regarding spousal support though, should I even need to make use of them. 😉 We have back up plans (read: insurance) in case of disability, or death including for our children if something happens to both of us. That’s really it though. I did not go into marriage planning for the divorce, we are happily married and I don’t see a reason to plan for anything else. If, by the furthest stretches of my imagination, my husband decided to divorce me out of the blue then I would be entitled to half the bank accounts anyway (and he’d be entitled to half of anything I had hidden in a separate bank account if it was marital funds) so keeping anything separate or hidden (that came from marital property to begin with- separate property kept separate is a different animal altogether) would be moot. (Varies by state laws, etc. but typically that’s the gist of it.) If I had to live on my own, with no support from my husband I could, but it isn’t something that I think about or plan for…especially nit as an eventuality. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/38 "2010-02-03T21:54:03Z")
We don’t have separate bank accounts. I could see him getting sick of me and leaving. I couldn’t see him turning evil enough to take all the money with him. Mr. Neville burps at me, because he knows I have a childish sense of humor and find things like burps and farts amusing. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/39 "2010-02-03T21:58:01Z")
I don’t have a back-up plan. My spouse has life and disability insurance, and lots of good job skills. I have been a SAHM for 13 years now, and had minimal job skills before that (worked in retail). I have faith in myself that I would do something, whatever was needed, to support our kids if my partner got taken by aliens, but I’m not sure exactly what. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554/40 "2010-02-03T22:01:14Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > For those poster who were male and answered no, you do have a renumerative profession, right? The women in the OP, did not have any backup plan **or any way to support themselves outside of marriage**. I read that as no, or limited, job skills. > > So, if you have the ability to earn a living without your spouse (even if you do not do so currently) you do have a “back up plan” under the OP. If that’s a “back up plan” then my wife has one; she was employed until a couple of years ago, and could certainly go back to being employed, if necessary; though her salary would certainly take a hit. Also, she has several large investment accounts. None of this is concious “planning” though; it just happened that way. The only planning we’ve done is to have insurance and also reasonably liquid fund stashed away for a rainy six months or so. Though OTOH if one’s spouse has a professional-type salary, I’m not sure that a regime of insurance combined with the number of a good divorce lawyer isn’t such a bad plan; the real risk is some uninsurable disaster that renders the earning spouse unemployable. Dunno how one plans around that, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-do-you-have-a-back-up-plan/527554.md?page=3)