# Married Dopers: if your partner suggested a three-way, would you be worried? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 2, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482 "2011-05-02T15:57:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/41 "2011-05-02T22:06:02Z")
If it was a chick, maybe; if it was a dude, no fucking way. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/42 "2011-05-02T22:06:56Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > šŸ˜• Attorney or Lawyer maybe? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/43 "2011-05-02T22:09:27Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Yeah, thatā€™s kinda irrational/insane. > > Unless Iā€™ve been wooshed. Itā€™s irrational not to get extremely angry when your spouse suggests something that he knows beyond all doubt you are completely opposed. For me that suggestion would be extremely severe emotional abuse. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/44 "2011-05-02T22:13:42Z")
Iā€™m not 100% against the idea, but there are 2, maybe 3 of my wifeā€™s friends who would be good 3-some types. The rest are notā€¦ particularly attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/45 "2011-05-02T22:18:21Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Itā€™s irrational not to get extremely angry when your spouse suggests something that he knows beyond all doubt you are completely opposed. For me that suggestion would be extremely severe emotional abuse. Getting angry is not irrational, no. Well, not inexplicable, anyone. Responding with violence to such a suggestion ā€“ violence sufficient to necessitate an ambulance in particularā€“sure as hell is. I had a girlfriend a few years back who cheated on me not a month after we became exclusive; she got drunk and made out with an ex-boyfriend, then foolishly admitted it to me in an attempt to come clean. I got pretty damn angry. But Iā€™d have been a miserable fuckwit to hit her over it, donā€™t you think? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/46 "2011-05-02T22:33:48Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Getting angry is not irrational, no. Well, not inexplicable, anyone. > > Responding with violence to such a suggestion ā€“ violence sufficient to necessitate an ambulance in particularā€“sure as hell is. > > I had a girlfriend a few years back who cheated on me not a month after we became exclusive; she got drunk and made out with an ex-boyfriend, then foolishly admitted it to me in an attempt to come clean. I got pretty damn angry. But Iā€™d have been a miserable fuckwit to hit her over it, donā€™t you think? Honestly, if you had been an agreed monogamous relationship and within seconds of the admission of cheating, your response had been to hit her, and I were a judge or juror I would have given you a pass that it was a heat of the moment thing brought on by extreme provacation. Now if you laid in wait three days later with a lead pipe and broke multiple bones over cheating on the level described above, then you would have been a miserable fuckwit. ---
**Author:** ![Gilles\_de\_Rais](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@Gilles\_de\_Rais](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilles_de_Rais)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/47 "2011-05-02T22:54:37Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Iā€™d definitely decline, and Iā€™d definitely be worried. Since my wife has absolutely zero sexual interest in other women, her interest in opening up our marriage sexually is zero as well, and both of these tendencies are of extremely long standing, any sudden interest she expressed in bringing another woman into our bed would be evidence of a complete personality change. > > Iā€™d be far too worried about what was going on with her to even be thinking about the 3-way. What if she suggested a 3-way and she was the only woman? Why did you automatically assume the 3-way had to involve another woman and not another guy? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/48 "2011-05-02T22:57:31Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Honestly, if you had been an agreed monogamous relationship and within seconds of the admission of cheating, your response had been to hit her, and I were a judge or juror I would have given you a pass that it was a heat of the moment thing brought on by extreme provacation. Now if you laid in wait three days later with a lead pipe and broke multiple bones over cheating on the level described above, then you would have been a miserable fuckwit. :rolleyes: Okay, **ZPG**. Thereā€™s this informal board rule you seem to have forgotten about that holds that all the truly ridiculous excuses for committing acts of immature violence are supposed to be proposed by ME. Itā€™s the flying monkey rule. Iā€™ll thank you to respect that. > [@Gilles\_de\_Rais](#): > > What if she suggested a 3-way and she was the only woman? Why did you automatically assume the 3-way had to involve another woman and not another guy? He made that assumption because of the OP, which specified that the proposed partner be a person heā€™d be attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/49 "2011-05-02T23:03:27Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Getting angry is not irrational, no. Well, not inexplicable, anyone. > > Responding with violence to such a suggestion ā€“ violence sufficient to necessitate an ambulance in particularā€“sure as hell is. Have you never read ZPGZealotā€™s posts before? This is totally in character for her. I also fall into the ā€œdecline, and who are you and what have you done with my wife?ā€ camp. Iā€™m not going to judge anyone who wants a threeway, but itā€™s not for us, and she and I agree on that. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/50 "2011-05-02T23:12:04Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Attorney or Lawyer maybe? Exactly what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/51 "2011-05-02T23:14:02Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Itā€™s irrational not to get extremely angry when your spouse suggests something that he knows beyond all doubt you are completely opposed. For me that suggestion would be extremely severe emotional abuse. Itā€™s by definition irrational to get extremely angry about anything. Whether itā€™s acceptable is another matter. In this case, itā€™s not, and if you are seriously suggesting youā€™d _attack_ your husband for suggesting it, you need to seek help. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/52 "2011-05-02T23:41:06Z")
The wife skews slightly bi-curious with a low-ish libido. Weā€™ve discussed it, weā€™d be okay with it, and it think it would turn out fineā€¦that said, it actually happening? Rather doubtful. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/53 "2011-05-02T23:47:35Z")
Given Ive seen the threesome thing happen with the person leaving the original partner for the other guy, I think some concern is warranted. He thought it would help it get it out of their system. He wuz wrong. Otara ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/54 "2011-05-03T02:21:33Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Itā€™s by definition irrational to get extremely angry about anything. Whether itā€™s acceptable is another matter. In this case, itā€™s not, and if you are seriously suggesting youā€™d _attack_ your husband for suggesting it, you need to seek help. Threesomes are one of the absolute no discussion subjects in our marriage and my husband knows this. For him to bring up the subject means the marriage is over and heā€™s just wasted a lot of my time and energy. If he chooses to take that risk, then he has to live with the consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/55 "2011-05-03T03:16:53Z")
Both of us have been there, done that before we met and both found it to be more fun in the abstract than the concrete (that concrete gets _everywhere_). I would be quite surprised at this point if he brought up the idea as he runs pretty vanilla these days, but I would be at least willing to talk about it. Of course, at this point there are none of his friends I am remotely attracted to and to the best of my knowledge he feels the same way about mine. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/56 "2011-05-03T03:23:14Z")
Iā€™d be repulsed. And Iā€™d be worried because it would be completely out of character for my partner. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/57 "2011-05-04T04:00:00Z")
I voted as interested, but would decline. I donā€™t think Iā€™d be worried - my husband is pretty direct - but it would be out of character and Iā€™d be concerned that it would cause problems later. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/58 "2011-05-04T04:27:02Z")
In this regard, my wife is more straight and vanilla than a bean pod, so I would be astonished. I think Iā€™d have about two hours worth of questions all-the-while not committing myself to a yes or no. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/59 "2011-05-04T04:41:40Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > Once again, _[the Family Circus](http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/5408/097qz.jpg)_ has already covered this topic Youā€™re so funny with your all-occasion Family Circuses. I have started looking forward to them, even. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482/60 "2011-05-04T04:41:51Z")
I am reminded of a _Playboy_ cartoon I saw way back when. A husband dressed in suit and tie and carrying a briefcase comes home from work, apparently early, because he finds his wife in bed with another woman. The caption has his wife telling him: ā€œWait! Itā€™s not what youā€™re hoping!ā€ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-if-your-partner-suggested-a-three-way-would-you-be-worried/580482.md?page=4)