# Married Dopers question - ever put your foot down? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 8, 2016, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574 "2016-04-08T18:17:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/21 "2016-04-10T00:11:04Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So nobody? Nobody ever had a spouse who was doing something or about to do something… lets just say not so smart and you made them stop? > > I mean we all do stupid things or have some bad habits dont we? People pay big money for doctors, therapists, or counselors to tell them what to do or not to do so what is the difference? What then is wrong with your spouse pointing them out and putting you back on track? Because there’s a difference between a spouse and a strict parent. My husband and I are both adults, and when there’s a difference of opinion we discuss the matter as equals. That’s what it means to love someone. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/22 "2016-04-10T00:20:34Z")
I put my foot down about my ex-wife gossiping. We got a divorce shortly afterward. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/23 "2016-04-10T00:32:20Z")
Not really. A couple times were close calls but we’re both too much open to reason and logic. And we actually communicate well to each other most times. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/24 "2016-04-10T00:56:21Z")
So this has caught my eye. I’ve given my wife the “do this again and I’m gone speech” but it was in the context of broken trust and poor communications leading to the situation, not the action itself. Otherwise yep, I put my foot down everyday, twice a day, hard to get out of bed otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/25 "2016-04-10T14:51:56Z")
Didn’t you ask a similar question to this not too long ago? You got about the same kind of answers IIRC. Didn’t you know everyone on here is the perfect husband/wife/partner and never fights with their spouse about anything ever? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/26 "2016-04-10T15:06:13Z")
I do not do ultimatums. If I’m told, “do X, or get out” I start packing. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/27 "2016-04-10T15:19:01Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Didn’t you ask a similar question to this not too long ago? You got about the same kind of answers IIRC. > > Didn’t you know everyone on here is the perfect husband/wife/partner and never fights with their spouse about anything ever? I don’t think people are saying their marriages are perfect. I think people are saying that actual marriage often doesn’t resemble the stand-up comedian world of gender dynamics, which is the one the OP seems to believe in. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/28 "2016-04-10T15:41:19Z")
I ‘put my foot down’ all the time. Might as well leave it up for all the good it does. For both of us it’s more of a way to open a discussion to find a compromise instead of battling back and forth over what is just a trivial matter anyway. We wouldn’t still be married if there was any important matter that came to a real foot down putting. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/29 "2016-04-10T16:34:48Z")
Only on projects around the house. I would start one project get it so far and have to stop because of money. Then she would have me start another project that we did not have enough money to complete. I would end up with several incomplete projects at one time. Whe I realized what was happening I told her that I will not start any new projects until all present projects are completed. And when they are all completed I will only attempt one project at a time. If she started a second project I would not work on it until the 1st project was completed. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/30 "2016-04-10T16:55:56Z")
I run things in my house, by god: dishwasher, vacuum, lawn mower. . . ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/31 "2016-04-10T18:22:43Z")
I never meant an ultimatum to be of the “do this and I’m leaving” type. It can be one partner vetoing the purchase decision of the other. It can be the wife saying her husband is not allowed to bring his stinky hunting clothes into the house. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/32 "2016-04-10T18:34:01Z")
Well, that brings it down to the level of trivia. Within a month of moving in, my husband had co-opted my mop buckets, my mop, my kitchen torch, my cordless drill, my pocket knife, and my window cleaner. I told him, calmly but firmly, that every time something of mine wasn’t where it was supposed to be when I wanted it, I was going to buy myself a new one. Worked for the co-opting of everything except mop buckets. I’m on my fourth pair of those; about to go out and buy my fifth. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/33 "2016-04-10T18:50:43Z")
Only over the most trivial things, because anything important at all gets discussed. I put my foot down over a Spam dish my ex wife liked to make. I hated the shit and one night I told her “No more!” It was not essential to our well-being in any way so she laughed it off and dropped it from the menu. We eventually divorced, but Spam had nothing to do with it. Sent from my XT1064 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/34 "2016-04-10T19:34:58Z")
If it is trivial things, the partner (assuming reasonableness), will shrug off and likely comply without any issue. If it is something more serious, it needs dedicated desire from the other partner to change. As to the first, before even my boyfriend moved in, I told him no smoking inside the house and no smoking inside my car. He had no issues complying, and I think he likes it that way sometimes (space away, time to himself, plus he gets to see the pretty outdoors). He even made himself an ashtray for the outside. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/35 "2016-04-10T20:50:48Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I don’t think people are saying their marriages are perfect. I think people are saying that actual marriage often doesn’t resemble the stand-up comedian world of gender dynamics, which is the one the OP seems to believe in. Yeah, the OP has started a couple of threads now where he’s desperately angling for people to say they treat their spouses like children. This being the real world, most people don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/36 "2016-04-10T20:51:20Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I didn’t marry the kind of person who whores around on me, or gambles away my money, or anything like that. This. To me giving one’s spouse an ultimatum means already having picked a divorce lawyer in case the spouse does not comply. We haven’t been anywhere near there yet. We kinda like each other. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/37 "2016-04-11T00:24:31Z")
> [@](#): > > I never meant an ultimatum to be of the “do this and I’m leaving” type. > > It can be one partner vetoing the purchase decision of the other. > It can be the wife saying her husband is not allowed to bring his stinky hunting clothes into the house. um, well even then, you should discuss it politely, not “put your foot down.” You say, “Honey, I don’t think we can afford this. Let’s talk about it.” ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/38 "2016-04-11T00:50:48Z")
My husband knew a guy when he served in Iraq who took up smoking while he was serving. His wife was livid when he got home. She said he had to smoke outside the house, or she was packing her bags, and if he ever wanted children, he had to quit. I have no idea what the outcome was. Considering that he didn’t take up smoking until he was something like 28 or 29, he probably had a better chance of quitting than someone who took it up as a teenager and had been smoking for 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/39 "2016-04-11T01:19:55Z")
As mentioned in other threads, I did not marry a child, and neither my wife nor I is in the habit of “putting our foot down.” ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574/40 "2016-04-11T01:58:20Z")
I did it, once. I could never figure out the sudden change in my now ex. It seemed as soon as we said “I do” he started with the "I don’t"s. One day I found myself telling him “don’t talk to me like that; I’m not Grizelda (first wife).” He caught himself now and then and altered his tone, but by then I knew I hadn’t been imagining or responsible for his passive aggressive sh\*t and filed for divorce. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-question-ever-put-your-foot-down/751574.md?page=3)