# Married dopers:  what are the REALLY important things to look for

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-what-are-the-really-important-things-to-look-for/210987>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 2, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-what-are-the-really-important-things-to-look-for/210987 "2003-11-02T14:21:34Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\
**Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-what-are-the-really-important-things-to-look-for/210987/41 "2003-11-04T13:58:06Z")

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I like the observations provided in the posts, and wish to contribute my own:

- Is the person basically **a Good person**? By that I mean respectful, honest, with integrity, kind. Shares well, looks out for others.

- Can you **communicate**? And can you **put the relationship in front of being right**? As I say to my 5 year old son - it’s not whether you make mistakes - because you WILL - it is how your recover - and recovery is about honest, open communication and a willingness to commit to change and compromise…

Beyond that, anything goes. Having a best friend in your spouse is incredibly cool, but not if the person is not a good person, or can’t communicate effectively…over the long term, you can learn to be better friends, but integrity and communication are harder to learn…

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**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\
**Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-what-are-the-really-important-things-to-look-for/210987/42 "2003-11-04T18:35:21Z")

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A few more things to discuss, but are generally not dealbreakers:

What temperature can you and your SO both live comfortably with? I’m really tired of turning the thermostat up and down and ceiling fans on and off trying to find a happy medium.

Pets. How many, what species, indoor or outdoor?

Willingness to compromise (okay, this might be a breaker). You can be the most easy going person in the world and able to tolerate most anything, but once in a while you’ll be adamant about something that you want just so. Make sure you and your SO can work on these types of disagreements.

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**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\
**Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-what-are-the-really-important-things-to-look-for/210987/43 "2003-11-04T21:33:51Z")

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what wordman said about being right.

You can be right, or you can be happy, you’ll never be both. This is what I tell couples in therapy.

Look for someone with whom you can solve problems, someone who is willing to approach your disagreements as such.

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