# Married Dopers: You're in Heaven. Your spouse is...elsewhere. Do you forgo Paradise for his/her sake **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 8, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355 "2015-01-08T23:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/41 "2015-01-09T16:56:21Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Death is starting to sound a lot like working for a law firm. The OP _did_ leave the description of the various afterlives undefined… ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/42 "2015-01-09T16:56:32Z")
It wouldn’t be heaven if she wasn’t there… It’s Quest Time! ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/43 "2015-01-09T17:03:36Z")
Everyone seems to be treating this hypothetical as “heaven vs not-heaven”. Like N-H is just a cloud somewhere, with the “cool kids”. What if the only other place to go outside the pearly gates is the true fire and brimstone hell. The hell of Dante and Niven. A place they skin you alive\*, where tear the flesh off your bones, where you sit in a pit of boiling blood forever. The pain never goes away, the torment never ends. There is no escape, ever. How many of you would choose that? I mean seriously, it’s a hypothetical fairy tale, but at least go with it. “Don’t fight the hypothetical”, as someone once said. Would you choose true eternal damnation? \*yes, I know. You’re already dead. So doing this won’t kill you. it just hurts. A lot! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/44 "2015-01-09T17:03:59Z")
I’m leaving, with or without permission. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/45 "2015-01-09T17:06:18Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I’m leaving, with or without permission. What’s the point of saying “with or without permission”, when you already have permission? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/46 "2015-01-09T17:07:14Z")
I’m starting a movement in heaven that we open it up. Heaven should be for everybody. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/47 "2015-01-09T17:14:56Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I’m starting a movement in heaven that we open it up. Heaven should be for everybody. Yeah, because the Lord of Hosts has a history of heeding the will of the masses. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/48 "2015-01-09T17:15:32Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I’m starting a movement in heaven that we open it up. Heaven should be for everybody. Even Hitler? Kiddie rapists? Pol Pot? Maybe I agree with the sentiment in general, if everyone gets a proper attitude, just seeing if you thought this through. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/49 "2015-01-09T17:26:30Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > If there’s just Heaven and Hell, I’m staying in Heaven just so I can give God an earful for all eternity about his crappy divine plan. There’s no good I can do my loved one by going to Hell; she might not even be allowed to be aware of my presence. It’s bothered me for some time that it might be the case both places are a kind of hell, or heaven. God’s place is one where you’re physically comfortable, but you also know that you’re His bitch and that’s your shame for all eternity. Satan’s House o’ Flames is physically awful, but you will always know your soul belongs to you. Of course, Pride is at the heart of that interpretation, and we all know how the big G feels about Pride–keeps you out of His presence, don’t it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/50 "2015-01-09T17:29:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > What’s the point of saying “with or without permission”, when you already have permission? 😕 I’m saying that if My Beloved is elsewhere, God’s permission has nothing to do with whether or not I’m leaving to be with her. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/51 "2015-01-09T17:37:16Z")
Sort of defeats the concept of heaven doesn’t it. I had a family member say that they’d miss me in heaven. I said you can’t remember the people from life on earth. Otherwise you’d not have the always joyful view that some denominations sell. But, to play the hypothetical, I gave here 15 happy years, she’s on her own. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/52 "2015-01-09T17:57:18Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I’m saying that if My Beloved is elsewhere, God’s permission has nothing to do with whether or not I’m leaving to be with her. And the law of gravity has nothing to do with why you aren’t an interplanetary traveler. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/53 "2015-01-09T17:59:56Z")
I need some time to think about it and more information. Are their detailed rules on the other afterlives? How many will let me waltz in? Will any of them prevent me from leaving again? Are there any tools available for me to locate or contact her, or will I be searching these infinite planes by hand? What are the odds on this quest? I like to think I would go to find her, but I would be giving up a lot and would want to maximize my chances of success. It would be tragic for me to start looking in Elysium only to find that she wasn’t there and I was now stuck there, quest over, have a nice afterlife. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/54 "2015-01-09T18:02:38Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Even Hitler? Kiddie rapists? Pol Pot? > > Maybe I agree with the sentiment in general, if everyone gets a proper attitude, just seeing if you thought this through. If there is a god, and he is ultimately responsible for giving humanity the capacity to make bad choices, then it seems pretty heartless to keep anyone out of an eternity of heaven for earthly misdeeds that He himself chose to let us commit. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/55 "2015-01-09T18:02:47Z")
Heaven is, pretty much by definition, a place of perfect happiness. If I am perfectly happy then I will not _want_ to go looking for her, now will I? If I am not perfectly happy, then I am also not in Heaven and I suspect that nothing is what it seems. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/56 "2015-01-09T18:31:17Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Even Hitler? Kiddie rapists? Pol Pot? > > Maybe I agree with the sentiment in general, if everyone gets a proper attitude, just seeing if you thought this through. Yeah, even Hitler, Pol Pot and Dick Cheney. > [@Skald](#): > > Yeah, because the Lord of Hosts has a history of heeding the will of the masses. Well, maybe Jesus or Mary could talk to him. He’s been known to bend when it’s them making the request. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/57 "2015-01-09T18:55:46Z")
> [@Frazzled](#): > > I’m single so can’t directly answer the poll, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen his same scenario in The Twilight Zone so I’d probably leave anyway! Remember the guy who thought he was at the Pearly Gates with his dog, only the angel at the gates wouldn’t allow him to enter with his dog? The man chose to move along only to find the real heaven further up the road. Also, there was an episode with a gangster who got into heaven and thought it was awesome. But when he went to the casino he kept winning game after game after game. Turns out, he was in “the other place” all along… Nope, given the choice in the OP, I’m packing up and heading out. That gangster’s hell didn’t really look at that bad. Didn’t he have room service and beautiful women at his disposal? Oh boo hoo, I keep winning…:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/58 "2015-01-09T19:57:35Z")
It was a trick question! You enter the afterlife in the form you had the exact instant before you left corporeal life. Therefore you’ll probably be in heaven on life support, with advanced cancer and non-communicative. Unable to track down an errant spouse, or even understand the concept. It’s one of the great ironies of life that people work so hard to get the best possible placing in an afterlife full of mushed car accident victims. God, what a dick. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/59 "2015-01-09T20:03:34Z")
I didn’t vote, because I can’t conceive of a heaven that accepts my partner but not me. I can easily see it the other way around though. And yes, he’d go “below” to search for me, though I’d wish he wouldn’t, for his own sake . . . though glad we can be together, no matter where. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355/60 "2015-01-10T01:55:12Z")
> [@vontsira](#): > > I’d never heard of this guy before seeing your post; but going by the quotation, I feel inclined to like him. Rābiʻah was a woman. She lived in Basrah, Iraq in the 8th century, and to this day she is a beloved inspiration for millions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-dopers-youre-in-heaven-your-spouse-is-elsewhere-do-you-forgo-paradise-for-his-her-sake/709355.md?page=4)