# Married Men. Are You Still Getting Blow Jobs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254 "2009-05-04T04:42:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/21 "2009-05-04T10:19:46Z")
My wife has never given me a real blowjob. She didn’t when she was my girlfriend either. She’ll do something that approximates sucking my dick for a minute or two if I ask, but I’ve stopped asking because it’s so disappointing. “There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob” is BS. People who say that either haven’t gotten a lot of blowjobs or they’ve been very lucky. I’ve been with women who give great blowjobs. A bad blowjob is a tragedy. [Yes, I’ve talked with my wife about this and it doesn’t help. She’s simply not interested in giving me blowjobs. I don’t think that will ever change.] ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/22 "2009-05-04T10:24:12Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > “There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob” is BS. Sad, so very sad, but also very true. Pro tip: the penis is not a straw, and there isn’t actually a milkshake in there. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/23 "2009-05-04T10:47:59Z")
If you ask for it and show her how much you appreciate it, maybe she’ll work it back into the regular rotation. And having a discussion about it would help too. You can’t criticize your wife for a lack of desire if you aren’t giving any indication of what you want. She probably feels undesired as well. And nobody’s answering your question because none of us are men who have been married for 30 years, I’m guessing. ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/24 "2009-05-04T11:06:55Z")
For us it’s our during-the-period activity. I sometimes offer to reciprocate with a helping hand/other body part, but she’s usually not feeling very horny during her period. However, in February she got a Mirena IUD placed, which means no more full-on periods. So, I haven’t gotten a BJ in several months, though more sex, so no complaints. I think my wife would be up for it if I said I missed it, which I probably will at some poiint. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/25 "2009-05-04T11:12:59Z")
> [@spazurek](#): > > For us it’s our during-the-period activity. I sometimes offer to reciprocate with a helping hand/other body part, but she’s usually not feeling very horny during her period. > > However, in February she got a Mirena IUD placed, which means no more full-on periods. So, I haven’t gotten a BJ in several months, though more sex, so no complaints. I think my wife would be up for it if I said I missed it, which I probably will at some poiint. menstruating = not feeling horny = blowjob? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/26 "2009-05-04T11:44:54Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve never asked. If I’ve got to ask it wouldn’t be very satisfying. This attitude puzzles me. How can you or she really know what the other wants without talking? FTR, I’ve been married 10 years and still get them very frequently (as in, 80% of our sexual encounters include oral) ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/27 "2009-05-04T11:51:35Z")
> [@chela](#): > > menstruating = not feeling horny = blowjob? Don’t you ever do something for someone just because it will make them feel good? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/28 "2009-05-04T12:04:47Z")
> [@](#): > > In my homeland (Navarra, in northern Spain) and age group (I’m 41), BJ’s were considered “advanced skills:” you’d be likely to not start getting them until one or two years after the wedding. Traditional anniversary gift, in fact. Just pointing it out to see if the OP’s head explodes… Damn. Here in the US the traditional first year anniversary gift is _Paper_. I’m moving to Spain. Or I would if I weren’t already married. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/29 "2009-05-04T12:44:36Z")
> [@spazurek](#): > > Don’t you ever do something for someone just because it will make them feel good? Yes, do you? Of course it is also ultimately my choice and my decision and not an expected duty to be performed in accordance with a schedule! ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/30 "2009-05-04T12:47:04Z")
> [@chela](#): > > Yes, do you? > > Of course it is also ultimately my choice and my decision and not an expected duty to be performed in accordance with a schedule! Um, I don’t see where the snark is coming from…I’d give my wife any sexual pleasure she desired at any time, regardless of whether or not there were any reciprocation. I enjoy it on many levels, not just as part of horniness. And who said anything about ‘expected duty’ or ‘schedule’? I simply reported the pattern that has occurred in our home. I may get a little frustrated if I’m horny and she’s not interested in doing anything, as would she, but (to state the pathetically obvious) it’s never anyone’s duty – what fun would that be anyway??? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/31 "2009-05-04T13:04:45Z")
> [@Spezza](#): > > Yes, I am. Me too, two years in. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/32 "2009-05-04T13:42:04Z")
Hubby and I have been married for almost 15 years, and he gets a blow job to begin each sex session, usually. It’s not a stand-alone, though- it’s a bit of foreplay because I don’t swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/33 "2009-05-04T13:50:00Z")
Guys, perhaps a question of definition. I think most ladies in here consider a “blow-job” to be a few minutes mouth action, usually intended to be a part of foreplay. That is how I meant it, anyway. Is that what you consider a “blow-job”, too? Or are you referring to something more like 15 minutes action, resulting in orgasm in (or very near) your ladies’ mouth? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/34 "2009-05-04T13:54:54Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve never asked. If I’ve got to ask it wouldn’t be very satisfying. That might be your problem right there. I always thought it was considered polite, even among long-time spouses, to ask for something one wanted instead of merely expecting it to occur. This goes for both spouses, too, in case anyone was considering making any remarks about that. But what do I know? I’ve never been married and never will be. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/35 "2009-05-04T13:58:15Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve never asked. If I’ve got to ask it wouldn’t be very satisfying. :dubious: Maybe she wants to feel like you really want her to do it, and the fact that you haven’t asked makes it seem like you don’t care or don’t want her to. I think you should try asking. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/36 "2009-05-04T14:02:49Z")
> [@spazurek](#): > > Um, I don’t see where the snark is coming from…I’d give my wife any sexual pleasure she desired at any time, regardless of whether or not there were any reciprocation. I enjoy it on many levels, not just as part of horniness. And who said anything about ‘expected duty’ or ‘schedule’? I simply reported the pattern that has occurred in our home. I may get a little frustrated if I’m horny and she’s not interested in doing anything, as would she, but (to state the pathetically obvious) it’s never anyone’s duty – what fun would that be anyway??? no snark, just note that with the departure of her menses it appears she now has a choice to give head or not. Like you said it has been several months since the last one. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/37 "2009-05-04T14:03:58Z")
In case no one has answered the OP satisfactorily, I will. TFD, it’s normal for married men to get less oral sex after decades of marrriage. It’s also normal for couples to have never engaged in oral sex, and it’s normal for couples to engage in oral sex daily for 50 years. There’s so much focus on sex in our society but so little discussion at the personal level that a lot of people think we must be the only ones missing out on something or other. There really isn’t any such thing as “normal” in sex because everyone is different–so whatever level of sexual activity you’re comfortable with is normal. The issue isn’t how much other married guys get, it’s how you feel about your sex life, and what you can do to change it if you’re not satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/38 "2009-05-04T14:15:19Z")
I guess it is all a matter of taste, but I have never understood why so many men seem to feel that whether or not they are getting blow-jobs from their woman to be such a big deal. I have always got _much_ more pleasure from fucking than from being blown. If you are getting laid enough, why should you care about the blow jobs? Frankly I always got the impression that my ex-wife enjoyed giving me a blow job distinctly more than I enjoyed getting it (not that I hated it or anything), and I am pretty sure I enjoyed licking her out more than she enjoyed having me do it. Also, I have always assumed that gay guys like sucking cocks at least as much as they like being sucked. I guess I think oral sex is as more for the benefit of the mouth than for the genitals, though I can understand why some people find it gross. Maybe I am just weird though. ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/39 "2009-05-04T14:21:19Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > This attitude puzzles me. How can you or she really know what the other wants without talking? It’s very possible that she stopped because she thinks you don’t enjoy them. If you never mentioned that you liked them and never discussed them afterwords- she probably has no clue that you miss them. I’m pretty sure the discussion was meant to be held at some neutral time point as part of a larger discussion about what you both prefer or not. Not something asked for in the heat of the moment. You need to responsibility for your own pleasure. If you expect your wife to read your mind, you’ll both end up frustrated and unhappy. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/40 "2009-05-04T14:26:01Z")
I don’t think simply putting it your mouth for a few minutes pre-sex is a blow job. My conception of a blow job has always been a full oral session from start to finish. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254.md?page=3)