# Married Men. Are You Still Getting Blow Jobs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254 "2009-05-04T04:42:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/41 "2009-05-04T14:46:17Z")
To answer the OP - yep, that’s normal in my experience. After a few years I ain’t getting anything if I don’t ask for it and I’m probably not getting it then either. When we were dating (20 some odd years ago) I could expect a bJ every now and then, maybe even in some odd exciting place like the car or her parents living room (Yowza!) These days I may get a little action as forplay but the play itself is rare enough. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/42 "2009-05-04T14:56:04Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > If you are getting laid enough, why should you care about the blow jobs? Pumpkin pie is my favorite dessert but I really like some chocloate cake every now and then also. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/43 "2009-05-04T15:21:29Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Guys, perhaps a question of definition. > > I think most ladies in here consider a “blow-job” to be a few minutes mouth action, usually intended to be a part of foreplay. That is how I meant it, anyway. Is that what you consider a “blow-job”, too? Or are you referring to something more like 15 minutes action, resulting in orgasm in (or very near) your ladies’ mouth? Yeah, I’d say a blow job is not foreplay, it’s the point of the encounter leading to climax. So there’s clear definitional differences there. I’ve been with Lady Chance for 23 years now, married for 16, and I still get 'em regularly. If anything, they’re more frequent. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/44 "2009-05-04T15:32:05Z")
> [@spazurek](#): > > I’d give my wife any sexual pleasure she desired at any time, regardless of whether or not there were any reciprocation. No snark intended, but _do_ you? I only ask because the ‘blowjay while on the rag’ thing is common, or even just the ‘blowjob to completion, then go to bed,’ but a guy giving his girlfriend or wife oral or a handjob when she’s in the mood and he’s not, or when he’s feeling under the weather… not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/45 "2009-05-04T15:41:36Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > I guess it is all a matter of taste, but I have never understood why so many men seem to feel that whether or not they are getting blow-jobs from their woman to be such a big deal. I have always got _much_ more pleasure from fucking than from being blown. If you are getting laid enough, why should you care about the blow jobs? Because a really great blowjob is just about the best thing in the entire world. I don’t think it’s as much a matter of taste (though, of course, personal preferences differ) as I think it’s that many men simply never have gotten a really great blowjob. They don’t know how good it can be, so they don’t see the big deal. Before I met my wife, I got some tremendous blowjobs. Deepthroat, ball-licking, cum-swallowing, grinning-and-looking-into-your-eyes-while-she-does-it blowjobs. I also got some awful blowjobs, where I had to make her stop because it was just a travesty. And, of course, there was everything in between. But, I’m telling you, if this girl I know named Micki had ever sucked your dick, you would understand. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/46 "2009-05-04T15:43:05Z")
Not married (yet) but we’ve been together for 8 years. I still give regular blow jobs. He gets full on, swallow BJ’s during my period (when I don’t want sex but want him to have some fun) and once or twice sometime during the month. I also give foreplay BJ’s about half the time the rest of the month. I don’t _love_ doing it, but I don’t mind horribly either. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/47 "2009-05-04T15:57:47Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > And I’m a whole lot more likely to give a blow job if I’ve been satisfied first. Again, an interesting contrast with the Mrs, who if she is going to be up for any exotic practices (and you better figure that oral counts as exotic) will only be so while thoroughly aroused but pre-orgasmic. Once she’s got there, oral, anal or anything like that is right out the window, and I’ve got maybe a minute, two tops, to finish inside her or be relegated to an apathetic handjob with a side order of yawning, burping and maybe complaining that her arm is getting tired. As to **Cat Fight** ’s question about what she gets if she’s up for it and I’m not - I don’t believe the situation has ever arisen. Sometimes I’ve been told after the fact that she resorted to a few pages of Nancy Friday and her own fingers because she just wanted “relief without the hassle”; that’s the closest approach, and the tactful phrasing obviously cheers me no end. :dubious: Oh, and the idea of giving me oral because she’s out of order but wants me to have some fun… 🤣 ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/48 "2009-05-04T16:01:49Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I don’t think simply putting it your mouth for a few minutes pre-sex is a blow job. My conception of a blow job has always been a full oral session from start to finish. Oh _dear_. In that case, I have just once in my life given a man a blow-job, and _never_ to my SO’s. And here I was thinking I was a sex goddess. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/49 "2009-05-04T16:05:25Z")
> [@chela](#): > > no snark, just note that with the departure of her menses it appears she now has a choice to give head or not. Like you said it has been several months since the last one. Well, yes, she prefers intercourse to giving me oral sex. I’m happy to oblige. Interpret that how you shall. ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/50 "2009-05-04T16:07:28Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve been happily married and or living together with my spouse for 30 years yet I haven’t experienced a blow job for probably 10 years and its looking more and more like I’ll never get one again. > > Is this normal ? Well, I’m single, not married, but personally, I think you are missing out. I think it’s normal for you to want it. Quite a few women seem to go through a great deal of hormonal irregularities throughout their lifetime than men do, particularly after childbearing and all too, so it might possibly be physical, and she doesn’t have the desire for sex much more, and find the bj aspect even less appealing to her. If she hasn’t done this for you in that long, then perhaps you need to please her orally first, and see if she reciprocates. Try this for several lovemaking sessions, and if she still isn’t receptive, you really need to talk to her about this and give her a chance. I think trust is the world’s greatest aphrodisiac, so just have some pillow talk sessions, possibly after love making; be understanding, and listen as well as talk. Tell her the things you like of what she does, and how you miss some other aspects, and ask her what can you do as well, to help please her more. I used to have a older gf who would occasionally do a bj for me as some kind of special treat, but gosh it was often months apart. That wasn’t why we split up, but other reasons not related to the bedroom. Finally found an Italian gf who thoroughly enjoyed it with just about every love making session, and gosh, what a difference the right kind of woman makes! Some women enjoy it a hell of a lot more than others! I went and dug up a special poll done on a singles site because of your question, and I think you’ll appreciate that at least with this small sampling of 73 women voters, most women do enjoy it. Of course it being a singles site, I doubt any married women of 30 years participated in it, but it should give you some idea. Read the results and also the posts, it was both funny and educational for me. If you’ve managed 30 years with this same woman, I have a feelin’ you two can work this out. Enjoy the poll and thread and the best of luck to you. [http://www.connectingsingles.com/poll\_0\_240\_1/okay\_its\_sunday\_and\_while\_we\_are\_on\_a\_roll\_ladies.htm?nt=6](http://www.connectingsingles.com/poll_0_240_1/okay_its_sunday_and_while_we_are_on_a_roll_ladies.htm?nt=6) ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/51 "2009-05-04T16:11:34Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > No snark intended, but _do_ you? I only ask because the ‘blowjay while on the rag’ thing is common, or even just the ‘blowjob to completion, then go to bed,’ but a guy giving his girlfriend or wife oral or a handjob when she’s in the mood and he’s not, or when he’s feeling under the weather… not so much. Well, this is one of those mostly theoretical events…I can count on one hand the number of times (in 9 years) when she’s really in the mood and I’m not. Some of those times I’ve refused, to a bit of pouting – getting a taste of my own medicine there, I am. But as a rule, if she’s in the mood, that puts me in the mood, big-time. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/52 "2009-05-04T16:46:44Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve been happily married and or living together with my spouse for 30 years yet I haven’t experienced a blow job for probably 10 years and its looking more and more like I’ll never get one again. > > Is this normal ? Evidently it is in your house. Why did you marry someone who didn’t really enjoy sucking your dick? Stoid Female Absolute Favorite Form of Foreplay: Blowjobs. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/53 "2009-05-04T16:53:20Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Your implication is that the person giving the blow job isn’t getting any pleasure, and needs reciprocation. That’s not always the case. Some people enjoy doing it, and that’s all they want. THis is true but tricky. I loved giving blowjobs to my ex…in fact, that relationship was the only one where I’ve experienced having a wave of love come over me so strong when I looked at him…and my response to that wave of love was a desire to give him a blowjob. It was very organic and cool. The tricky part was that giving him a blowjob turned me on so much that even though I didn’t start out with the intention of wanting sex, by the time he finished I tended to be insanely turned on, and what I wanted wasn’t an orgasm or oral sex, i wanted to have that delightful tool I had just had in my mouth inside me elsewhere. It was kinda frustrating. But it never stopped me, because sex was great on all fronts and I would just enjoy the desire and carry it over to the next time, when he would make love to me in a manner that surpassed all men I have ever known. Man…hard to believe we’ve been destroying each other in court for the past couple of years. Sad. (And I have had sex all of two whole times since August 2006. Now THAT is incredibly sad.) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/54 "2009-05-04T16:55:08Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > In my homeland (Navarra, in northern Spain) and age group (I’m 41), BJ’s were considered “advanced skills:” you’d be likely to not start getting them until one or two years after the wedding. Traditional anniversary gift, in fact. Just pointing it out to see if the OP’s head explodes… LOL, my grandparents used to go to Spain almost every year for an anniversary trip. This was when they were not so young. I thought it was for the food. I think I’ll go to Spain for my anniversary this year… do I need to bring my wife or just tell the people that I meet that it’s my anniversary? ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/55 "2009-05-04T16:56:30Z")
Married 38 Years, still getting the full treatment with swallowing about once a week. Maybe that has something to do with lasting 38 years? I am now feeling pity for a lot of husbands out there. Of course she gets oral too, but its a tide you over kind of thing due to lack of time and stress of daily living. We don’t consider it a really good session unless she gets off 2-3 times before the “main event”. Blow jobs we need 5-10 minutes, real sex is a 90 minute thing. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/56 "2009-05-04T16:57:11Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Ask her why. Maybe you’ve changed flavor or something. > > I will tell you this…when my husband was smoking, his whole body tasted of cigarette smoke. Very nasty. However, chocolate flavored condoms were an acceptable compromise for us. He felt that getting a blowjob through a condom was better than no blow job, and I felt that the chocolaty flavor and smell helped overcome the smoke smell from the rest of his body. Wow, I could never get into sex with someone whose smell was disgusting to me. (And since I’ve become a non-smoker for the past ten years, I find the smell of a smoker profoundly repulsive. I am so grateful to the men who didn’t smoke and tolerated it in me…I never could have returned the favor.) It would kill every feeling of desire I might have. I admire your ability to overcome it. > [@](#): > > And I’m a whole lot more likely to give a blow job if I’ve been satisfied first. How funny, I’m far LESS likely then. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/57 "2009-05-04T16:59:58Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > I guess it is all a matter of taste, but I have never understood why so many men seem to feel that whether or not they are getting blow-jobs from their woman to be such a big deal. I have always got _much_ more pleasure from fucking than from being blown. If you are getting laid enough, why should you care about the blow jobs? > > Frankly I always got the impression that my ex-wife enjoyed giving me a blow job distinctly more than I enjoyed getting it (not that I hated it or anything), and I am pretty sure I enjoyed licking her out more than she enjoyed having me do it. Also, I have always assumed that gay guys like sucking cocks at least as much as they like being sucked. I guess I think oral sex is as more for the benefit of the mouth than for the genitals, though I can understand why some people find it gross. Maybe I am just weird though. Not weird, just you. (Although I wonder if you’ve ever had a really spectacular blow job.) ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/58 "2009-05-04T17:08:58Z")
By the way, gentlemen: if any of you suffer from what my ex-ex (pre last ex) suffered from, you need to work on it: silence. I reconnected with my ex from 25 years ago (that was the last of the two times I’ve had sex since August 2006) and I was reminded of something about him that made me nuts: he is dead silent when receiving a blow job. Throughout…until the orgasm. But prior to that, he could be asleep in terms of the sounds he makes. Since he told me when he was done that it was still the best he’d ever had in his life, 30 years later, I know he wasn’t silent because he didn’t enjoy it. But man, the no-feedback thing is maddening. Express yourself, even if it’s just groans and gasps…SOMETHING. It really reduces the fun if you are silent. And I know you know this because imagine a woman being silent? How would you like that? (What’s funny about the ex-ex is how he got it wrong on the flip side during intercourse. He talks. And talks. And he talks in a tone that sounds like he’s ordering breakfast or discussing the weather, but he’s talking dirty. It’s very disconcerting, and a reminder of why I couldn’t go on with him…) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/59 "2009-05-04T17:16:08Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > Because a really great blowjob is just about the best thing in the entire world. I don’t think it’s as much a matter of taste (though, of course, personal preferences differ) as I think it’s that many men simply never have gotten a really great blowjob. They don’t know how good it can be, so they don’t see the big deal. > > Before I met my wife, I got some tremendous blowjobs. Deepthroat, ball-licking, cum-swallowing, grinning-and-looking-into-your-eyes-while-she-does-it blowjobs. I also got some awful blowjobs, where I had to make her stop because it was just a travesty. And, of course, there was everything in between. But, I’m telling you, if this girl I know named Micki had ever sucked your dick, you would understand. Actually, I’ve known of guys who have said it’s okay, but it’s more of a foreplay thing. That is, for them, why bother with doing it to completion when you can have intercourse. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254/60 "2009-05-04T17:21:20Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > I’ve never asked. If I’ve got to ask it wouldn’t be very satisfying. Maybe it’s not her favorite thing, and since you don’t ask for it, she figures you don’t really care. How the heck do you expect your wife to know you want it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-men-are-you-still-getting-blow-jobs/495254.md?page=4)