# Married people need to be monogamous, and gays cannot be monogamous. So gays can't get married. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 3, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037 "2013-06-03T14:13:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/21 "2013-06-04T00:14:04Z")
Pining for the gourds! I’ve recently come to notice the abysmal lack of garden vegetables that rhyme with “fjords”. Somebody’s going to need to do something about that so I can be funnier, m’kay? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/22 "2013-06-04T00:30:01Z")
So, did you ask the protestor how that works with Mormons? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/23 "2013-06-04T00:32:21Z")
Are carrots gay mammals or are they lesbian predicates? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/24 "2013-06-04T01:15:24Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > So, did you ask the protestor how that works with Mormons? Mormons don’t get married anyway, Mormons get Sealed. (Like in the original _Battlestar Galactica,_ and no coincidence.) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/25 "2013-06-04T07:41:51Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The gay couple who lives next door have a pet carrot. They say it does tricks for them but it’s always just lying there whenever I see it. See how well it’s mastered _“Stay!”_? ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/26 "2013-06-04T08:34:17Z")
1. Marriage requires a covenant with God in a REAL church. 2. Being in a REAL church would make a gay’s skin boil off, because they’re demonic and harmed by the presence of God. 2a. The fact that some gays got married in your pansy-ass liberal church does not disprove 2, it simply means that your church isn’t a REAL house of God, heathens. 3. Therefore, gays cannot get married. ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/27 "2013-06-04T09:48:13Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Mormons don’t get married anyway, Mormons get Sealed. (Like in the original _Battlestar Galactica,_ and no coincidence.) So they don’t get government benefits either? Someone should take up that cause and fight to allow Mormons to get married like the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/28 "2013-06-04T11:43:53Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Mormons don’t get married anyway, Mormons get Sealed. (Like in the original _Battlestar Galactica,_ and no coincidence.) So these Mormons are waterproof, you say? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/29 "2013-06-04T14:22:05Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > OMG! Then Newt Gingrich must be gay! The hell you say! We don’t want him either. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/30 "2013-06-04T14:36:47Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That reminds me of (IIRC) Jerry Falwell’s argument in favor of capital punishment: > > [ul] > [li]Without capital punishment, Jesus would not have been crucified.[/li][li]Without the Crucifixion, there could have been no Resurrection.[/li][li]_Therefore,_ capital punishment is a good thing![/li][/ul] I encountered essentially this same argument from one I am no longer speaking with. (It was minus any reference to the Resurrection.) Long story, but briefly, he turned out to be quite insane about religion and politics. Here is how I would answer if I were still speaking to him: The arrest and trial of Jesus (according to the text, at least) involved many illegalities. Without these events the Crucifixion would never have happened. Therefore breaking any and all extant laws to make for a kangaroo court and an “execution” that is really just an elaborate lynching is perfectly okay. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/31 "2013-06-04T16:27:09Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > 1. Marriage requires a covenant with God in a REAL church. > 2. Being in a REAL church would make a gay’s skin boil off, because they’re demonic and harmed by the presence of God. > 2a. The fact that some gays got married in your pansy-ass liberal church does not disprove 2, it simply means that your church isn’t a REAL house of God, heathens. > 3. Therefore, gays cannot get married. What happens if you sprinkle a gay person with holy water? ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/32 "2013-06-04T16:41:04Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > What happens if you sprinkle a gay person with holy water? They ask you to leave the cathedral and not come back. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/33 "2013-06-04T16:46:30Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > OMG! Then Newt Gingrich must be gay! The list of politicians (from about any country which has divorce) that’s gay may actually be greater than the list of those who are not, by that rule. Kind of makes one wonder how come there isn’t gay marriage in every one of those countries… it can’t be because those guys are against marriage (as they keep perpetrating it), perhaps it is because they’re too busy chasing tail? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/34 "2013-06-04T16:48:34Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > What happens if you sprinkle a gay person with holy water? Is that what the kids are calling it now? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/35 "2013-06-04T17:42:53Z")
> [@Trans Fat Og](#): > > I encountered essentially this same argument from one I am no longer speaking with. (It was minus any reference to the Resurrection.) Long story, but briefly, he turned out to be quite insane about religion and politics. > > Here is how I would answer if I were still speaking to him: > > The arrest and trial of Jesus (according to the text, at least) involved many illegalities. > > Without these events the Crucifixion would never have happened. > > Therefore breaking any and all extant laws to make for a kangaroo court and an “execution” that is really just an elaborate lynching is perfectly okay. To take this further, Jesus was killed because it was illegal to preach his particular brand of blasphemy. Ergo, Christianity should be illegal ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/36 "2013-06-04T20:03:22Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’m sure glad a protestor cleared that up for me That totally makes sense. Thank you, you’ve changed my mind. Does that mean my dad is gay? He’s incapable of monogamy… but he’s totally unfabulous… I am confused. ---
**Author:** ![bleach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bleach/32/3106_2.png) [@bleach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bleach)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/37 "2013-06-04T23:33:52Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > Does that mean my dad is gay? He’s incapable of monogamy… but he’s totally unfabulous… I am confused. Have you seen him hanging around carrots or Newt Gingrich? ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/38 "2013-06-06T14:04:51Z")
> [@bleach](#): > > Have you seen him hanging around carrots or Newt Gingrich? Or have you seen him hanging his carrot around Newt Gingrich? That would also be acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/39 "2013-06-06T14:44:06Z")
OK wait… the carrots are gay penises, right? Lesbians are either the newts or kangaroos? Help! ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037/40 "2013-06-11T13:12:20Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’m sure glad a protestor cleared that up for me Yeah, those protestors are ALWAYS right. :smack: I hope you pointed out to him/her that the real problem is straight people, since straight people have gay children. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-people-need-to-be-monogamous-and-gays-cannot-be-monogamous-so-gays-cant-get-married/660037.md?page=3)