# Married to and not with **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 20, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788 "2002-09-20T13:39:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Osakadave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f07891/32.png) [@Osakadave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osakadave)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/1 "2002-09-20T13:39:09Z")
Background - I teach EFL classes in Japan. Yesterday a student asked a good question of another teacher for which none of the 3 teachers at school had a good answer. Why do we sy “get married to (someone)” but not “get married with (someone)”? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/2 "2002-09-20T13:51:21Z")
IANAExpert, but to me the ‘to’ implies movement and subsequent attachement - ‘with’ implies usage; consider the following: “Weld this bracket **to** the side of that beam” makes sense, but “Weld this bracket **with** the side of that beam” implies that one is to use the beam to weld the bracket, when one is actually going to use a welding machine. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/3 "2002-09-20T15:19:34Z")
The real answer is that prepositions are to a large extent arbitrary and generally can’t be translated literally from one language to another. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/4 "2002-09-20T17:55:41Z")
What ascenray said. If you translate the Spanish idiom (casarse con), it means “to marry with.” Russian is even worse; there are actually gender-differentiated verbs and idiom structures. For men, it’s “to to marry (or “to wife oneself”) on,” while for women, it’s literally translated as “to go behind the man.” When I learned that in first-year Russian, I must have been making quite an unhappy feminist face in class, because even the professor noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/5 "2002-09-20T19:04:38Z")
Because “to marry” is a verb with a connotation of attaching oneself. You are joined in matrimony **with** each other, but each of you joins him/herself **to** the other. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-to-and-not-with/128788/6 "2002-09-20T19:40:07Z")
There seems to be considerable overlap in the use of **TO** vs **WITH**. Like saying “Parallel **with** or **to** the road” seem the mean the same thing. When I’m saying goodbye, I say “I’ll talk **with** you later” instead of “I’ll talk **to** you later.” To me, **with** implies a two-way conversation but **to** implies a one-way or a lecture, but that may just be because of being a parent for over 30 years. Being talked **to** , wasn’t a good thing. [Dictionary.com](http://Dictionary.com) gives 27 definitions for **with** and 16 for **to** as prepositions. I think the key to your question is in definition 6 of the word **to** : "Used to indicate appropriation or possession: _looked for the top **to** the jar."_ A “top **with** the jar” doesn’t mean quite the same thing as a “top **to** the jar.” The first means more proximity while the second means they go together. Either that or I don’t have any idea either. Jim