# Married Women: Are you still getting head? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 10, 2009, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896 "2009-05-10T00:50:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/21 "2009-05-11T02:35:27Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Seriously though, thanks for the pointers. Anything above Basic Level Strategy though? I am not a complete n00b at it, so I’m comfortable in that, area. I have a little more grace than to come up for air and wiping my face down like I almost drowned. So I don’t need to be tought manners/etiquette. Try placing one palm flat against her belly around where her pubic hair ends (or would end, if applicable), and pull upwards very gently. This keeps the clitoris exposed without you having to do the finger-V thing. It also has the beneficial side effect of keeping her kind of in place so you don’t stray too far from your target when things start getting sloppy. Preparation is important. Be beardy or be clean shaven, but _do not be_ stubbly. IME, women find it unpleasant when there’s a cactus shoved into their nether regions (bizarrely, of course). By the same token, find some way to discreetly blow your nose before you get started. You’ll need to be able to breathe through your nostrils in order to survive her orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/22 "2009-05-11T02:53:30Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Any tips for us young males with little “field” experience? Other than practice of course. 😛 > > EDIT: Do try and reply soon, I might actually need this info before the week is out. 😉 If you notice a large gush of fluid and she vocalizes loudly, get away from her immediately. You have triggered the detonation device. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/23 "2009-05-11T02:59:20Z")
To answer the first question, not the technique question, no, I’m not. But that’s because I really don’t care for it. Liked it slightly better with a female partner, but really, just not pleasant. Way, way too much stimulation for me. I get what I want and what I need, so that works out. Married 11 years and we’re still getting calibrated… it doesn’t stop getting better. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/24 "2009-05-11T03:06:46Z")
Was it Steve Martin who said, “Lick the alphabet?” 😃 Good advice in here. I’m glad hubby is good at it and loves to lick me, because my first boyfriend in high school played jazz trumpet, so I got very spoiled early on! Even if you don’t know trumpet, you can pretty much guess what “triple tongue” means… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/25 "2009-05-11T04:57:44Z")
Okay, _now_ we’re getting to the good stuff: > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > women find it unpleasant when there’s a cactus shoved into their nether regions (bizarrely, of course). > [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > If you notice a large gush of fluid and she vocalizes loudly, get away from her immediately. You have triggered the detonation device. > [@EJsGirl](#): > > because my first boyfriend in high school played jazz trumpet, so I got very spoiled early on! Even if you don’t know trumpet, you can pretty much guess what “triple tongue” means… 😃 Okay: [ul] [li]Leave the cactus at home.[/li][li]Have escape route planned in the event of iminent detonation.[/li][li]Learn to play the trumpet.[/li][/ul] Am I missing anything? Oh, lose the bees. Anything else. Seriously though, good suggestions by all and all are appreciated. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/26 "2009-05-11T07:41:38Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Was it Steve Martin who said, “Lick the alphabet?” > > 😃 > > Good advice in here. I’m glad hubby is good at it and loves to lick me, because my first boyfriend in high school played jazz trumpet, so I got very spoiled early on! Even if you don’t know trumpet, you can pretty much guess what “triple tongue” means… 😃 I don’t know about Steve Martin- I did hear Sam Kinison recommend that. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/27 "2009-05-11T13:08:11Z")
Speaking for my wife, yes, she is. Whenever she wants it, which is 3-4 times a week. I’ve found that if I introduce a thumb just inside the vaginal canal (too clinical? Sorry. Just inside the pussy), with a light stroke in time to the gentle sucking on the clit, it’s a sure-fire crowd pleaser. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/28 "2009-05-11T13:50:23Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’m a married man who loves to give my wife of 27 years head. If my wife was 27, I would be glad to… never mind, I’ll go back and work on my reading comprehension 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/29 "2009-05-11T14:03:41Z")
Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/30 "2009-05-11T14:05:17Z")
In my last long term relationship, that lasted 16 years, beginning when I was 22, head quickly trailed off to zero. My SO tried to do it in the beginning, but it failed. I think it was a mixture of me being self-conscious about it, him not being skillfull enough, me not knowing how to teach him to do it better. We just disencouraged each other, and concentrated on other things. My current SO is better at it, and I now better know how to like it, but body consciousness still plays a part. Especially after I got a Mirena and my body chemistry was out of whack for a while, leaving me to smell _bad_. All in all, if I could choose between him becoming more verbal more often, (tell me that you _like_ it, dammit!) and me getting more head, the head would lose out, no question. My own fingers are skilled enough to do most of what he can do with his tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/31 "2009-05-11T14:44:01Z")
My wife doesn’t let me go down on her. She used to when we were dating, but about two years after we were married she admitted that she was never comfortable with it and only let me do it because I enjoyed it so much. She made me stop in spite of the fact that she actually physically enjoys it. It’s a mental issue. Cunnilingus is my favorite sex act and I miss it terribly. If I ever find myself in bed with another woman, she won’t see anything but the top of my head for days. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/32 "2009-05-11T14:55:05Z")
Not everyone hates the teeth. Just saying… ---
**Author:** ![J-P\_L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/j-p_l/32/3156_2.png) [@J-P\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J-P_L)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/33 "2009-05-11T15:12:19Z")
One question if I may, women, do you mind if your partner kisses you, right after giving you head while his faces is still all wet? It is seen in porno sometime but we all know how real that is! ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/34 "2009-05-11T15:21:23Z")
> [@J-P\_L](#): > > One question if I may, women, do you mind if your partner kisses you, right after giving you head while his faces is still all wet? It is seen in porno sometime but we all know how real that is! Doesn’t bother me but is also not a particular turn-_on_, either. I am neutral about this. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/35 "2009-05-11T16:04:47Z")
Yes. Every encounter involves oral for both of us. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/36 "2009-05-11T16:54:52Z")
She gets it whenever she wants it. She never gets it. GF has had a problem with it all her life and despite my actually bringing her to orgasm that way when trying to introduce her to the wonders of cunnilingus, she would greatly prefer if I do not bother. As far as advice goes (and I guess you have to take it with a grain of salt considering the above paragraph), take your time leading up to it. Get in a position where you are ready so she knows what is coming, but make her wait for it. Brush your hand up her thigh but when you get between her legs only run your fingers across the tips of her pubic hair. This will send little electric shocks that will drive her mad. After slowly increasing contact, spread her lips a bit and blow gently across her clit to chill it a bit and then open your mouth and breath slowly on it to warm it back up. By the time you really get in there you will often be halfway to orgasm. A variation works well once things are really going too. Blow across her wet clit to make it really cold and then perform a long slow lick with your whole tongue across it. The changes in temperature really heighten things. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/37 "2009-05-11T17:53:26Z")
I just have to add this bit of advice, which is applicable to everyone receiving the wonderful gift of head - give feedback. Good head, both fellatio and cunnilingus, is the result of paying attention to the responses of the person receiving it. But that is indirect, and people may over-play their reaction in the hope that the person performing will be encouraged and get better. But nothing works as well as _telling_ them directly. Almost everything I know about it was from one girlfriend who was very vocal and specific about what she wanted, where I needed to lick, how hard or soft, etc. She was bisexual and had done it herself (as was nearly every woman I’ve been with, for some reason). The time we were together was the most valuable educational experience I’ve ever had. Every sex therapist and advice columnist is united in this: talk to your partner. It’s never going to get any better without both positive reinforcement and constructive feedback. Oh, and the whole “lick the alphabet” thing? It’s bullshit. It’s just a ploy to get guys to stay down there for at _least_ 26 letters work of licking. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/38 "2009-05-11T18:15:46Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I’ll avoid getting overly graphic, but I will speak for the Mrs. by saying that yes, she is. And she’s happy with the frequency. I know your daughter posted/lurked here at one time. If she still does, you might want to go investigate that explosion you heard a little while ago. It may have been her eyeballs. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/39 "2009-05-11T20:58:36Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Oh, and the whole “lick the alphabet” thing? It’s bullshit. It’s just a ploy to get guys to stay down there for at _least_ 26 letters work of licking. Personally, I like to vary the stroke between the Karate Kid training rituals - “wax on, wax off”, “sand floor”, and “paint-uh fence”. When I’m feeling particularly adventurous I even try that drum technique thing from the second movie. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896/40 "2009-05-11T21:01:15Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I know your daughter posted/lurked here at one time. If she still does, you might want to go investigate that explosion you heard a little while ago. It may have been her eyeballs. And the sound you just heard a few seconds ago was my whole head exploding from someone invoking the image that perhaps my mom could be on the receiving end of such maneuvers. :eek: Does anyone want some [Brain Bleach](http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/fr_slingsandarrows/MotivatorBrainBleach2.jpg?t=1242075562) now? Or can I hog it all for myself? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-are-you-still-getting-head/495896.md?page=3)