# Married Women of the Dope: How Do You Identify Yourself On Facebook? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 5, 2015, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275 "2015-03-05T14:14:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/21 "2015-03-05T19:48:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Perhaps off topic, but how do you guys deal with husband’s family members who repeatedly refuse to acknowledge that you did not take his last name? I have to say, I’m sure they mean no harm by it, but it irks me (especially as I suspect they manage to address his married sister, who did not change her name either, by her correct last name). His family ? How about my mother? But my mother is actually a good example of why I don’t care- I didn’t change my name when I got married , one sister did change her name , and the other sister changed her name when she got married and changed it back years after the divorce. Since my mother can hardly ever manage to call us by the correct first name (sometimes she goes through all three before she gets the right one) , I think it’s unrealistic to expect her to remember which of us did which. And I find it similarly unrealistic to expect my cousins and his cousins and our friends to remember who uses which last name when they only have reason to use a last name once a year or so. Now, if I thought someone was doing it to communicate disapproval, that would be another story. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/22 "2015-03-05T20:07:12Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > I was raised with a long, rare, ethnic last name that was hard to spell and pronounce and made me easily identifiable on the internet. I married a man with a last name that is a short English noun. I shed my maiden name and haven’t looked back. “Do you, Mary Butlipschitz, take this man, John Smith, to be your husband?” “Eagerly.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/23 "2015-03-05T20:09:17Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > “Do you, Mary Butlipschitz, take this man, John Smith, to be your husband?” > “Eagerly.” I told my first husband before we married that I was taking his name and never giving it back. I live up to my promises. 😃 (Maiden name was long, German, and people’s attempts at pronouncing it were generally unrecognizable.) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/24 "2015-03-05T20:48:24Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I told my first husband before we married that I was taking his name and never giving it back. I live up to my promises. 😃 > > (Maiden name was long, German, and people’s attempts at pronouncing it were generally unrecognizable.) Grizelda Fahrvergnügen, is that you? Why, it’s been years! \<3 \<3 \<3 😉 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/25 "2015-03-05T21:05:41Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > Grizelda Fahrvergnügen, is that you? Why, it’s been years! \<3 \<3 \<3 😉 😃 I swear, my maiden name begins with an S and there were still attempts at pronunciation that were more like Fahrvergnügen! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/26 "2015-03-05T21:36:37Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > I have a few like that myself - all Evangelical Christians who are doing so on the advice of James Dobson or something. Wow, really? And not being a married woman, I won’t vote, but will answer that my wife does the FirstName MaidenName MarriedName. Which, incidentally, is also her legal name now. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/27 "2015-03-05T21:38:42Z")
I picked the first option, although I usually don’t use the term "maiden’ name (because I am annoying and pedantic like that). I use the name I was born with in my personal life, professional life, and on facebook. No one has ever given me grief about it, and I would probably not even notice an occasional mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/28 "2015-03-05T23:57:43Z")
I’m a little depressed that the inherent assumption of this question is that OF COURSE a woman drops her own name and identity and takes her husband’s when she marries. I don’t think (at least, I certainly hope not) that’s a valid assumption to make anymore. Some women will change their name for pragmatic / pronunciation reasons as mentioned above. Some will keep their own name. Some will take an entirely new name, not belonging to the husband, and the husband will take the same name too. Some husbands will take their wife’s name. Some couples will hyphenate. I personally know one couple who both use their “maiden” names as a middle name, and their spouse’s last name as their own last name, so: June Bronson Cleaver, AND Ward Cleaver Bronson. For that matter, same-sex couples ALSO have a nearly infinite array of choices for how to identify themselves after marriage. Me, I’m not married, though may be someday. I changed my name in adulthood to the one I currently use professionally and (mostly) personally. (I will never convince my family to call me by my chosen name, which is irritating but not worth a fight.) I put my birth name in the hidden “previous name” field, so I’ll come up in a search but the old name isn’t displayed. I wouldn’t change my name upon marriage, because, well, it’s MY NAME. I am not and will never be my husband, or subsume my identity into his. I am my own person, and will remain so even after the notary signs the piece of paper. This has made me curious, however – does Facebook offer the “maiden name” option if you identify on your profile as male? It would be pretty shitty if they didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/29 "2015-03-06T00:05:16Z")
> [@MrsTime](#): > > I don’t use my real name at all…and I don’t understand people who do and then plaster their kids pictures and names all over Facebook. I don’t believe it is safe to do either, there be some real nuts in the internet world. Then Facebook doesn’t appeal to me at all other than some of the local news and buy and sell. If it’s unsafe to share your kids’ photos with them, why did you add them as friends? Also, hope one of your friends fall for the thing where they ask if it’s your real name. I’ve seen it happen often. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/30 "2015-03-06T00:15:58Z")
Being male, I didn’t vote; but I want to state a preference for including maiden names on Facebook. Why in the world would any married woman have her married name but not her maiden one somewhere? I sometimes get friend requests from “Jane Doe”, and I can see her pictures, which doesn’t help. (One chubby 35-year-old white woman looks remarkably like any other.) I have to message her and it turns out she’s “Jane _Roe_” whom I’ve known since 5th grade, but haven’t seen in 15 years. Don’t do that ladies. If you were Jane Roe for 25 years, keep some reference to it, at least on Facebook. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/31 "2015-03-06T00:43:14Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > I’m a little depressed that the inherent assumption of this question is that OF COURSE a woman drops her own name and identity and takes her husband’s when she marries. I don’t think (at least, I certainly hope not) that’s a valid assumption to make anymore. How did you arrive at this? The first option in the poll is a woman keeping her original name. ---
**Author:** ![chaika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chaika/32/405_2.png) [@chaika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaika)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/32 "2015-03-06T01:02:08Z")
I voted “maiden name only.” But I never changed my name so it isn’t really a “maiden name.” It’s just the only name I’ve got. ---
**Author:** ![minionkat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@minionkat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minionkat)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/33 "2015-03-06T01:26:47Z")
I am not married, but I don’t do “Facebook Official”. I don’t have a relationship status on there. I have told my partner that if we got married, I would consider changing my name legally but continue using my maiden name professionally. That would probably extend to FB. Although, that is small potatoes. He’s cool with that. He even offered to change his name if we ever got married. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/34 "2015-03-06T02:15:06Z")
Yeah, I dunno about this “maiden name” thing, it’s just my name! That being said, I have no problems with people calling me Mrs. [Husband’s last name], and there are a bunch of people who know me only under that name, so I’m listed as [Firstname] [mylastname] [husbandslastname] because that way people who know me either way can find me. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/35 "2015-03-06T02:19:04Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > How did you arrive at this? The first option in the poll is a woman keeping her original name. That’s not how I read it. To me, maiden name = name you replaced when you married. I wouldn’t refer to the surname of an unmarried woman as her “maiden name”. It’s just her name. I read the OP as meaning “I changed my name, but I’ve kept my maiden name on Facebook because that’s how more people know me.” For whatever it’s worth, I kept my name, as well. No one has ever blinked an eye and I don’t really think of it as a big deal. I just liked my name and identify with it much more than with my first, so I didn’t want to lose it. But I never say “I use my maiden name”. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/36 "2015-03-06T02:53:37Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > That’s not how I read it. To me, maiden name = name you replaced when you married. I wouldn’t refer to the surname of an unmarried woman as her “maiden name”. It’s just her name. I read the OP as meaning “I changed my name, but I’ve kept my maiden name on Facebook because that’s how more people know me.” > > For whatever it’s worth, I kept my name, as well. No one has ever blinked an eye and I don’t really think of it as a big deal. I just liked my name and identify with it much more than with my first, so I didn’t want to lose it. But I never say “I use my maiden name”. This, exactly. Sometimes when I am being peevish and someone asks if my surname is my married name, I say yes. Because I am married, and it is my name. Which of course is jerky, because I know what they were trying to ask … so I might mention that it is also my maiden name. (I really have not done this often, I swear. More like very occasionally in a fit of pique.) ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/37 "2015-03-06T03:05:05Z")
I use First Name, Married Name. That’s how 99% of the people I know would recognize me. As for the other 1%? If I want to communicate with you, I will find you. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/38 "2015-03-06T03:18:36Z")
Not presently married, so I have my full legal name (maiden name) as my Facebook name, and in the hidden other names field I have my former married name. I have a friend who has hyphenated her maiden and married names on Facebook so she appears as Jane Smith-Jones even though she’s never used that as her name in real life. Not sure if it’s because she lost her original log in details and was under the misconception that Facebook wouldn’t let her set up a new account under the same name, or if it’s because she doesn’t know about the hidden other names field. Mrs Time, your advice to use a fake name is a violation of Facebook’s terms of service and they will suspend you if they become aware of it (I have a friend who list their account this way). Facebook offers options to control who sees your photos and posts that provide better security than a fake name. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/39 "2015-03-06T04:31:22Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Your poll assumes married women will have done the old-fashioned thing of changing their name upon marriage. Many married women don’t do that, although a majority still do, I believe. This. I didn’t change my name upon marriage. I think Facebook has actually been helpful in people understanding and respecting this. I was open to being called Mrs. Hislastname socially, but nobody does that, ever. I think it’s because our friends have a benign daily reminder of what my name actually is. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275/40 "2015-03-06T04:33:33Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Of the married women with whom I’m Facebook friends, there are several different conventions for identifying themselves. Some use only their maiden name, some use only their married name, some use other naming conventions. > > What’s yours? > > Poll to follow. I never changed my name so I don’t consider it my “maiden name”. I just use my last name. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-of-the-dope-how-do-you-identify-yourself-on-facebook/714275.md?page=3)