# Married women, what turns you on? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 27, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182 "2011-01-27T14:24:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/41 "2011-01-29T18:46:09Z")
More of an oral agreement, really. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/42 "2011-01-29T18:52:33Z")
Well, I will openly and unashamedly say that seeing my husband do chores, while gratifying in its own way, is nowhere near anything I would call a “turn-on.” Maybe I am just missing out on the erotic nuances of a sink full of dirty dishwater; dunno. For me the stuff that turns me on is pretty much the same stuff that has always turned me on. Seeing his body; having him touch me; sharing and enacting certain fantasies; etc. Household chores are really not part of this, in the _slightest_. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/43 "2011-01-29T21:16:37Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > More of an oral agreement, really. Well _played_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/44 "2011-01-29T21:24:43Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Howsabout you help her just because it’s your house too? Does she expect a reward every time she does the dishes? > > A guy doing stuff around the house because he doesn’t consider housework \*my \* job is a turn on. A guy doing stuff around the house because he considers it a favor worthy of a blowjob is a serious turn off. The former will get your cock sucked WHILE you do the dishes. The latter will get you divorced. > This, pretty much. The biggest turn on in a long term relationship is to remember to appreciate each other and keep having fun together. When you stop doing that, you become roomates who (if you’re lucky) occasionally have sex. It is our house. And I did help her around the house. I figured if I helped pick up the slack so she could have some down time maybe she would have time for me. I figured if she was busy then I should not be sitting around. I would get home from work and work around the house until I went to bed, did this for a long period of time. But it just gave her time do do something new. And every time she makes a good dinner I always comment on it and what was special about it. Just last weekend while she was at her mother’s I cleaned the house completely so it would be clean when she got home. I knew it would not be rewarded but I did it for her. the day after she got home and no coment yet, I asked “did you noticed that I cleaned up?” Her answer was a oh ya I did and went about what she was doing like it was no big thing. If I send her roses at work she will call to say thanks, and that is the last time it will be mentioned or noticed. End results if it is no big thing then why brother? Husband points count for nothing. To me it is kinda of sad. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/45 "2011-01-30T02:19:04Z")
I thought for sure someone would have said huge black cocks and skinny white blondes. ---
**Author:** ![Imagineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@Imagineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imagineer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/46 "2011-01-30T02:49:06Z")
As far as turning me on heat wise. I want passion, and I want to be cherished. As far as marriage. The endearing things sure do count. This is a big hit with the ladies. When we see a man holding a baby tucked snuggly in his arms. It means so many important things. The hormones kick in big time. Oh, and when he looks into this baby’s face with tenderness. My throat is chocking… gasp. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/47 "2011-01-30T04:23:49Z")
My husband’s zit. Nothing gets me going like a ripe white head. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/48 "2011-01-30T05:17:55Z")
Foot rubs. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/49 "2011-01-30T12:02:24Z")
Everytime I have done chores around the house ( spontaneously decided to clean windows, shower, condition the ceramic hob etc. its always been met with a huff and a sulk by my SO ( at the time) that meant she took it as a slur on her housekeeping skills… In truth there is not much stuff to do regularly as I have a maid who comes in and is amazing at cleaning up. But back to the OP. How do you manage to continue to get turned on by someone who’s body you know as well as your own. The same smell, the same person, the same routine , the same moves ( and isn’t it more funny than sexy when this person tries to change the moves and routine? The same same same. I really hesitated about posting this as it sounds like trolling. But I swear its not. There are millions of couples who last together a lifetime so its safe to assume that their sex lives are sufficiently rewarding to lead them not to stray. How can you really keep getting turned on by your regular partner? I’ve bailed from so many relationships that started so passionately and continued to a deep respect and love for the person but it seemed that my sexual interest declined as my deeper feelings ( of love and emotional attachment increased) at 50+ I still cant figure this one out and am settled with a small group of non exclusive and occasional sexual partners ( some married and others travel as much as I do) ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/50 "2011-01-30T14:28:08Z")
Sounds to me like you just weren’t made for long-term monogamy, **manila**. No harm no foul, not everyone is. My own sex drive (and apparently my husband’s) is pretty vanilla. Honestly, whenever I’ve been in a long term relationship I’ve slipped into a groove where I don’t know whether I’m horny or not until I’m in the middle of having sex. ---
**Author:** ![Ladymarmalade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@Ladymarmalade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ladymarmalade)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/51 "2011-02-01T17:44:53Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The documentary, Married With Children covered this subject quite well. I admit, my first thought was “Who cares? Why would you want to sleep with your spouse if you don’t have to?”. You are related and that is creepy. Then I thought back to the early days when there wasn’t a house full of checklists and kids were in the future and they were an overall goal to be achieved. It makes more sense looking back but marriage is hard on men even as far as institutions go. > > It is probably for the best that I am divorced. ROFLMAO!! Thanks everyone! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ladymarmalade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@Ladymarmalade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ladymarmalade)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/52 "2011-02-01T17:53:12Z")
> [@Snnipe\_70E](#): > > It is our house. And I did help her around the house. I figured if I helped pick up the slack so she could have some down time maybe she would have time for me. I figured if she was busy then I should not be sitting around. I would get home from work and work around the house until I went to bed, did this for a long period of time. But it just gave her time do do something new. And every time she makes a good dinner I always comment on it and what was special about it. > > Just last weekend while she was at her mother’s I cleaned the house completely so it would be clean when she got home. I knew it would not be rewarded but I did it for her. the day after she got home and no coment yet, I asked “did you noticed that I cleaned up?” Her answer was a oh ya I did and went about what she was doing like it was no big thing. If I send her roses at work she will call to say thanks, and that is the last time it will be mentioned or noticed. End results if it is no big thing then why brother? Husband points count for nothing. To me it is kinda of sad. Don’t know if this will help but have you heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? It’s about how so often partners totally miss how eachother shows love and wants to be shown love. So we keep doing it our way and they just don’t really get it, because it’s not their way. It sounds like you show your love through “Acts of Service,” and feel loved in return by “Words of Affirmation.” But if you’re married to a woman whose “love language” (who feels loved by) say, “Quality Time” and shows her love by, say “Physical Touch,” then you could completely be missing each other on it, in spite of best intentions. Then again, maybe she’s just mean. LOL. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/53 "2011-02-01T19:42:50Z")
> [@Snnipe\_70E](#): > > It is our house. And I did help her around the house. I figured if I helped pick up the slack so she could have some down time maybe she would have time for me. I figured if she was busy then I should not be sitting around. I would get home from work and work around the house until I went to bed, did this for a long period of time. But it just gave her time do do something new. And every time she makes a good dinner I always comment on it and what was special about it. > > Just last weekend while she was at her mother’s I cleaned the house completely so it would be clean when she got home. I knew it would not be rewarded but I did it for her. the day after she got home and no coment yet, I asked “did you noticed that I cleaned up?” Her answer was a oh ya I did and went about what she was doing like it was no big thing. If I send her roses at work she will call to say thanks, and that is the last time it will be mentioned or noticed. End results if it is no big thing then why brother? Husband points count for nothing. To me it is kinda of sad. Are you married to a man by chance? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182/54 "2011-02-01T21:00:34Z")
I have said this before… but people just don’t get that a relationship is _work_. There are wonderful, wonderful rewards to be had, but you have to put in the work, every single day. Sometimes it’s just little things, sometimes it’s a lot. And sex is one of them. If you have sex often, you generally want more. It’s easy to fall into the trap of “not tonight” and I’m guessing it’s 1000x easier to do so with kids. But you sometimes have to make yourself, even if you are not in the mood. Here’s the hardest part, though. Your SO has to be just as willing to put in the work. And that’s hard to find. So when you instigate sex even if you’re not 100% in the mood, if your SO responds with enthusiasm and an equal willingness, you can come together (heh - pun unintended) and enjoy yourselves. If you try and they don’t, and they refuse to try and **refuse to tell you why** (key) it’s probably over. Communication is the most important thing. Let me also add I don’t really believe in “Till death do you part”. I think that is an incredibly naive attitude, probably made when we had much shorter lifespans. I really don’t expect someone who marries at 20 to stay with the same person until they are 90. That doesn’t mean it can’t and doesn’t happen, it just means it’s silly to expect that of everyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/married-women-what-turns-you-on/569182.md?page=2)